Lauren85

Hi guys,
first post and first day on here. I’ve tried quitting alcohol so many times, have managed 6 months and then one stupid drink and it’s back to the blackouts.
I live alone with no job due to covid right now. I find it hard to have accountability so I hope you don’t mind if I use you guys every morning I say never again...so today I realised I can’t keep trying the same way and expect different results. I need to add more layers of support. So posting on here every day, or whenever I feel an urge is a new thing I’m trying to help me. Ironically, I’m quite a spiritual person and have been learning about my inner child, I meditate, believe in karma and that the universe is working for my good (doesn’t feel like it right now!), and yet I still choose to numb everything and disappear in the evening.

I have recently met and unavailable guy and fallen in love with him. It’s messy. We’ve not done anything but the emotions are there. Yesterday we agreed to no contact and it’s been painful. But I don’t want to use alcohol to get through this...it won’t work. I want to focus on myself and building a life I’m proud of - and figuring out what that is.

Any advice or support for getting through today is greatly appreciated. I know it will be hard before it gets better so I’m setting myself up for a rough few days xx

Reid82

Welcome to SR, Lauren. Please use this board as much as you like. And you're right, using alcohol to get through this won't work, in fact it will probably make
things a lot worse really. For myself, as long as I don't pick that first drink up (no matter what happens) I know that things will start to work out eventually. Best of luck.

Sammy1980

Welcome Lauren!

DriGuy

We don't mind at all. That's kind of the point for being here after all. It's a struggle at first, but keep trying. For me, everything fell into place one day. To an outsider, it probably looked like I just decided to quit and it was done, easy-peasy, but I struggled to get to that point, much more than any of my friends knew.

Having a place to check in everyday was part of it, but that's how I described it. In reality it wasn't just a check in. I decided to go to AA, which met every night in my home town. I had been sober for 5 days when I went to my first meeting, and I was climbing the walls that afternoon. I wanted to drink so bad, and it was a Friday night to boot. I finally decided I could go to a bar after the meeting, but I was going to that meeting sober.

The meeting turned out to be so joyful and welcoming, I felt at home right away. People were actually happy to be sober if you can believe it. That night, I drove past the bar and went home. So it wasn't just a place to check in. Instead, it felt like if I could just get to meeting every night, I could make it to bed sober, just for that 24 hours. In a few days, I was in a routine that I found to work. A few days after that, I could have probably gone it on my own, but the get-togethers were actually fun in addition to being helpful, so I just kept it up. That was 25 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since then. The struggle is nothing more than an old memory. I don't go to AA anymore, but it was the thing that got me over that hump at the beginning.

The point is keep trying until something works, and then milk it for all it's worth. Eventually, you just forget about alcohol and all those reasons you think you need to have it in your life. Your struggle isn't over yet. You still have to get through a few days of climbing the walls, and then you are going to have to start making some decisions about how you are going to maintain this new found peace.

FreeOwl

Good decision on both getting sober and putting down the unavailable guy. That - in my personal experience both AS the unavailable guy in an affair and as the guy in an affair with an unavailable woman - is for the best. For everyone. And for your sobriety. Seeking comfort in the arms of an unavailable person is just another form of seeking a salve for our own pains and wounds and patterns of trauma and dependency. It's another facet of addiction. At least, that was true for me. It might be for you as well.

And so, now you will find yourself seeking 'sobriety' from both alcohol and this intoxicating feeling of passion and love and yearning and longing. My suggestion would be to remind yourself that is indeed a DRUG. "Love", or even "Lust" kicks off the same processes in the brain, the same chemical rush, that a lot of drugs do. It's a dopamine hit - even when it's also fraught with complexity and pain. In fact, perhaps it's even more potent then!

What helped me finally deal with all of that was - in addition to 'not drinking' - going earnestly through a 12 step program to look at myself, my pain, my failings, my shame, my feelings with honesty. To own and take responsibility for my own happiness and wellness rather than seek it in another person. It took an arsenal; AA, The Big Book, Sober Recovery (welcome!! this is a fantastic tool!), meditation, therapy, group work, journaling, exercise, communing in nature, eventually anti-depressants to help manage chronic depression I hadn't been ready to admit was there for many years....... and still, it's ongoing. Just over the past year I'd returned to using cannabis and then struggled to get free of it. I'm now on day nineteen. I'm back to a daily spiritual practice, back to group men's work, back to therapy and sober recovery and talking and living recovery daily. So, it's a lifelong process because for alcoholics and addicts, LIFE is the trigger. But it does get immeasurably better if you do the work, stick with it and keep clear about truly WANTING a present, loving, capable, giving, grateful life.

ChloeRose63

Welcome to SR, Lauren!
Start identifying your triggers!
We are here for you!

silversky

Hi Lauren. Glad you found your way here. Sounds like you already have some of the tools that will help you. Accountability is here for the taking. It was the missing link for me after trying to get sober by myself for too long. Many folks here join a monthly class as I did in February. Posting every single day and reading all over the forums helped me greatly and still does. Another vital tool for me was learning about the Addictive Voice. Time, Tools & Togetherness. That's the holy triad for me. Keep showing up.

MantaLady

Welcome Lauren!!

fishkiller

Welcome
You can do it. Just don't drink today

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Anna

Welcome, Lauren, and I'm glad you are taking steps to change how you deal with your sobriety. Keep posting and reading here.

advbike

Glad you're here, Lauren. You can totally do it here with all the great support. Many of us have.

Hevyn

It's great to have you with us, Lauren. Keep talking - we are here to listen & help.
You're right about going back to square one when we pick up again. For years, 'just one' led me back to misery & despair. Finally, I admitted I couldn't risk having a drop - it was poison to me. You can get free & stay that way. Welcome!

Wrangler95

Welcome Lauren!

Libby06

Welcome Lauren! Glad you are here

least

Welcome to the family Lauren! You've found a wonderful site that has lots of support and wisdom. Read and post here as often as you like, especially if you feel tempted to drink. Post here instead and we'll try our best to talk you out of it.