Dee74

I don't think it's ever too late Alchy. I know its hard but try not to dwell on the what ifs...the very best thing you can do for yourself, and your family from here on in is stay sober.

D

Steely

I think just about everyone here has felt like a pos Alchy. I know I have, still do, but not so much anymore. Figure that if I'm not drinking I can't be a pos.

least

When I was drinking, I always felt (rightfully so) like a pos. I was always depressed and felt hopeless. After I got sober for good and started practicing gratitude every day, my depression is not nearly so overwhelming and the antiD's I take help to make me feel more human and someone with potential.

Stay sober and do the next right thing. Have faith it will all work out if you just stay sober.

EndGameNYC

It seems as though you and your wife want to be better parents as well. Good. You're all on the same page.

Couples therapy might help. This is the big stuff.

(Not everyone gets the “right” mom and dad.)

The pressure to leave can be enormous. If you ever start taking this feeling literally, then you can remind yourself, at that very moment, that you are about to destroy the lives of at least two human beings in a way that is much more horrifying than anything you could have done to them while you were alive.

sugarbear1

Other than not drinking, what program of recovery are you working?

Alcoholism requires more than just not drinking.

Here are some of the programs available:
Men for Sobriety
Women for Sobriety
Refuge Recovery
AVRT
SMART
Life Ring
SOS
and AA

I wish you well on your sober journey!

ThatWasTheOldMe

Regardless of whatever happens in my life, it's always worse if I drink.
And sometimes, when I don't drink, life is downright good

courage2

How are you doing today, alchy?

bandicoot2

(((Alchy))) My sincere condolences for the loss of your mother. It's so hard to say good-bye to a parent under normal circumstances much less under covid circumstances. You are on the right track with your sobriety in that you're allowing yourself to feel your feelings and hopefully that will help you through the grieving process. From personal experience, burying my grief in alcohol only kept me from healing.

There is so much wisdom in the previous posts that I can't add anything. Just wanted to send you a virtual hug during this very difficult time in your life.