Hey Anxious Rock
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Hey Anxious Rock
How are you? Don't you be out there trying to do this thing on your own. We need to walk in dry places. Get your booty back into some meetings or SMART or at least check in here. If we start believing all the things our minds tell us, we can get into big trouble. You put some good sobriety together. It's natural to have the drive and the momentum stall out, but that doesn't mean we have to go back to the insanity. OK?
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I'm glad you posted anxiousrock and I'm glad you're working on Day 1. It might be helpful for you to figure out what happened to have you pick up a drink after 2.5 months. Then, hopefully, you can find ways to avoid that happening again. You can do this!
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Anna 
I'm glad you posted anxiousrock and I'm glad you're working on Day 1. It might be helpful for you to figure out what happened to have you pick up a drink after 2.5 months. Then, hopefully, you can find ways to avoid that happening again. You can do this!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I dont know why I wanted to drink so bad 
It took me months of getting through some really tough moments, hours, days to feel better. Every time the urge came in, and sometimes it was powerful, I had to sit and refocus myself. A lot of anxiety came in and it was overwhelming. I wanted to escape from the feelings that were not necessarily a "Craving" but my insides were a mess and I could not handle what was happening inside. Did I think I was going to get well? No. I thought I was done for.
I did get past those moments and I have not had a moment like the ones I described in awhile.
Every time you make it through those moments the desire to use has less of a hold on you.
Do you relate or am I totally off base?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by Mizz;[url=tel:7605444
7605444[/url]]I wanted to drink because I have an issue with alcohol abuse.
It took me months of getting through some really tough moments, hours, days to feel better. Every time the urge came in, and sometimes it was powerful, I had to sit and refocus myself. A lot of anxiety came in and it was overwhelming. I wanted to escape from the feelings that were not necessarily a "Craving" but my insides were a mess and I could not handle what was happening inside. Did I think I was going to get well? No. I thought I was done for.
I did get past those moments and I have not had a moment like the ones I described in awhile.
Every time you make it through those moments the desire to use has less of a hold on you.
Do you relate or am I totally off base?
It took me months of getting through some really tough moments, hours, days to feel better. Every time the urge came in, and sometimes it was powerful, I had to sit and refocus myself. A lot of anxiety came in and it was overwhelming. I wanted to escape from the feelings that were not necessarily a "Craving" but my insides were a mess and I could not handle what was happening inside. Did I think I was going to get well? No. I thought I was done for.
I did get past those moments and I have not had a moment like the ones I described in awhile.
Every time you make it through those moments the desire to use has less of a hold on you.
Do you relate or am I totally off base?
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
How are you doing anxiousrock?
This sounds hackneyed, but can't help but return to first principles. Took me a bit of time to get a handle on it as used forget so often.
"Nothing can be "so bad" that a drink will make it better." Nothing.
Just learn from it anxiousrock and move on with that knowledge.
Thinking of you anxiousrock.
This sounds hackneyed, but can't help but return to first principles. Took me a bit of time to get a handle on it as used forget so often.
"Nothing can be "so bad" that a drink will make it better." Nothing.
Just learn from it anxiousrock and move on with that knowledge.
Thinking of you anxiousrock.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Steely
How are you doing anxiousrock?
This sounds hackneyed, but can't help but return to first principles. Took me a bit of time to get a handle on it as used forget so often.
"Nothing can be "so bad" that a drink will make it better." Nothing.
Just learn from it anxiousrock and move on with that knowledge.
Thinking of you anxiousrock.
This sounds hackneyed, but can't help but return to first principles. Took me a bit of time to get a handle on it as used forget so often.
"Nothing can be "so bad" that a drink will make it better." Nothing.
Just learn from it anxiousrock and move on with that knowledge.
Thinking of you anxiousrock.
I messaged a ton of people from AA while drinking, even did my zoom meetings drunk.
I'm super embarrassed, and not sure I can even go back because I have no idea what I said to anyone.
I just do not know what to do now.... I'm working for the next 7hrs, but I need a nap so bad.
I hate addiction
.also feel bad for ignoring my fiance when I'm drinking.
My mother has now said she won't be texting or calling me anymore because she won't know if I'm drinking. Well, there's a pretty solid chance that I won't be! I drank once in 2.5 months.....
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Ah yes, shame. Shame is a close relative of alcohol abuse. If shame keeps you from moving forward then you have lost.
I did the same as you AR, countless times. I went on benders and called and texted all sorts of people, including my AA brethren. When I went back, I won’t lie, some people kept their distance from me. Others were indifferent as they know the nature of alcohol abuse and still others seemed to pull me closer.
Let’s say you are learning to swim and you look like a real dummy doing it. Your form is all wrong. You’re making noises and just a general disaster. But your head is above water. Now let’s say you fall into a pool or a lake. Everyone is gathered around and watching. You have a choice; try to swim and look like an idiot, or sink to your death.
Well AR, will you swim or will you sink? The people in the rooms of AA are there because they are just like you. I’ve met people that murdered people, people that beat their wives, that burned their home down when they passed out drunk. If you think some drunk texts will ostracize you from the fellowship then you are sorely mistaken and it will be just another excuse of why you can’t get sober.
Take a day. Collect your thoughts. Get some food and fluids into you. Then put your adult pants on and walk back in. My name is AR and I’m an alcoholic. I can not do this on my own.
AA may not be perfect and you may not like it there, but on your own, I don’t love your chances and to say I saw this coming when you started talking yourself into stepping away after your sponsor “fired you” would be a great understatement.
Sink or swim.
I did the same as you AR, countless times. I went on benders and called and texted all sorts of people, including my AA brethren. When I went back, I won’t lie, some people kept their distance from me. Others were indifferent as they know the nature of alcohol abuse and still others seemed to pull me closer.
Let’s say you are learning to swim and you look like a real dummy doing it. Your form is all wrong. You’re making noises and just a general disaster. But your head is above water. Now let’s say you fall into a pool or a lake. Everyone is gathered around and watching. You have a choice; try to swim and look like an idiot, or sink to your death.
Well AR, will you swim or will you sink? The people in the rooms of AA are there because they are just like you. I’ve met people that murdered people, people that beat their wives, that burned their home down when they passed out drunk. If you think some drunk texts will ostracize you from the fellowship then you are sorely mistaken and it will be just another excuse of why you can’t get sober.
Take a day. Collect your thoughts. Get some food and fluids into you. Then put your adult pants on and walk back in. My name is AR and I’m an alcoholic. I can not do this on my own.
AA may not be perfect and you may not like it there, but on your own, I don’t love your chances and to say I saw this coming when you started talking yourself into stepping away after your sponsor “fired you” would be a great understatement.
Sink or swim.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
Ah yes, shame. Shame is a close relative of alcohol abuse. If shame keeps you from moving forward then you have lost.
I did the same as you AR, countless times. I went on benders and called and texted all sorts of people, including my AA brethren. When I went back, I won’t lie, some people kept their distance from me. Others were indifferent as they know the nature of alcohol abuse and still others seemed to pull me closer.
Let’s say you are learning to swim and you look like a real dummy doing it. Your form is all wrong. You’re making noises and just a general disaster. But your head is above water. Now let’s say you fall into a pool or a lake. Everyone is gathered around and watching. You have a choice; try to swim and look like an idiot, or sink to your death.
Well AR, will you swim or will you sink? The people in the rooms of AA are there because they are just like you. I’ve met people that murdered people, people that beat their wives, that burned their home down when they passed out drunk. If you think some drunk texts will ostracize you from the fellowship then you are sorely mistaken and it will be just another excuse of why you can’t get sober.
Take a day. Collect your thoughts. Get some food and fluids into you. Then put your adult pants on and walk back in. My name is AR and I’m an alcoholic. I can not do this on my own.
AA may not be perfect and you may not like it there, but on your own, I don’t love your chances and to say I saw this coming when you started talking yourself into stepping away after your sponsor “fired you” would be a great understatement.
Sink or swim.
I did the same as you AR, countless times. I went on benders and called and texted all sorts of people, including my AA brethren. When I went back, I won’t lie, some people kept their distance from me. Others were indifferent as they know the nature of alcohol abuse and still others seemed to pull me closer.
Let’s say you are learning to swim and you look like a real dummy doing it. Your form is all wrong. You’re making noises and just a general disaster. But your head is above water. Now let’s say you fall into a pool or a lake. Everyone is gathered around and watching. You have a choice; try to swim and look like an idiot, or sink to your death.
Well AR, will you swim or will you sink? The people in the rooms of AA are there because they are just like you. I’ve met people that murdered people, people that beat their wives, that burned their home down when they passed out drunk. If you think some drunk texts will ostracize you from the fellowship then you are sorely mistaken and it will be just another excuse of why you can’t get sober.
Take a day. Collect your thoughts. Get some food and fluids into you. Then put your adult pants on and walk back in. My name is AR and I’m an alcoholic. I can not do this on my own.
AA may not be perfect and you may not like it there, but on your own, I don’t love your chances and to say I saw this coming when you started talking yourself into stepping away after your sponsor “fired you” would be a great understatement.
Sink or swim.
myself included. I could have done something about it, and I didn't reach out until it was too late. I feel I made progress, but yeah the shame is bad right now.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I think there are many roads to the same destination.
There is so a lot that can be learned from AA, the people here, SMART, WFS. You can achieve sobriety and make it last no matter what road you choose. You had a few months. Build on that and keep going. You do know what to do next time the road gets rough.
There is so a lot that can be learned from AA, the people here, SMART, WFS. You can achieve sobriety and make it last no matter what road you choose. You had a few months. Build on that and keep going. You do know what to do next time the road gets rough.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Mizz
I think there are many roads to the same destination.
There is so a lot that can be learned from AA, the people here, SMART, WFS. You can achieve sobriety and make it last no matter what road you choose. You had a few months. Build on that and keep going. You do know what to do next time the road gets rough.
There is so a lot that can be learned from AA, the people here, SMART, WFS. You can achieve sobriety and make it last no matter what road you choose. You had a few months. Build on that and keep going. You do know what to do next time the road gets rough.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I like AA, but since I'm kind of an outcast who doesn't like to reach out, wondering if another route is better., so I'm looking at smart recovery.
I think we can be choosy on our road. Choose your own adventure. Apply this and that and see if it is working.
Its not a one size fits all.
The most important thing here is that you have made it back to sobriety. The shame will lessen with time.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
I'm okay, thanks. I am very anxious, I couldn't sleep last night because I felt awful for drinking.
I messaged a ton of people from AA while drinking, even did my zoom meetings drunk.
I'm super embarrassed, and not sure I can even go back because I have no idea what I said to anyone.
I just do not know what to do now.... I'm working for the next 7hrs, but I need a nap so bad.
I hate addiction.
also feel bad for ignoring my fiance when I'm drinking.
My mother has now said she won't be texting or calling me anymore because she won't know if I'm drinking. Well, there's a pretty solid chance that I won't be! I drank once in 2.5 months.....
I messaged a ton of people from AA while drinking, even did my zoom meetings drunk.
I'm super embarrassed, and not sure I can even go back because I have no idea what I said to anyone.
I just do not know what to do now.... I'm working for the next 7hrs, but I need a nap so bad.
I hate addiction
.also feel bad for ignoring my fiance when I'm drinking.
My mother has now said she won't be texting or calling me anymore because she won't know if I'm drinking. Well, there's a pretty solid chance that I won't be! I drank once in 2.5 months.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You can do this anxiousrock. You still have all those gains. Recovery is sometimes two steps forward and one step back. But the net result is huge progress over time. I have seen the excitement you had and the progress you have made.
I do want to say that I am very sorry if sharing my experience about my own step work influenced your attitude in a negative way. It was not my intention to do that, but I realize in hindsight that it was probably not helpful to you at that point in your step work and recovery. I have learned from it and you have my sincerest apologies.
I do think you need a program. I hope you either find another AA sponsor, or try an alternative program like SMART, or even both. Whatever you choose, work it hard and it will payoff for you. I know you can do it. There's no doubt in my mind.
I do want to say that I am very sorry if sharing my experience about my own step work influenced your attitude in a negative way. It was not my intention to do that, but I realize in hindsight that it was probably not helpful to you at that point in your step work and recovery. I have learned from it and you have my sincerest apologies.
I do think you need a program. I hope you either find another AA sponsor, or try an alternative program like SMART, or even both. Whatever you choose, work it hard and it will payoff for you. I know you can do it. There's no doubt in my mind.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by advbike
You can do this anxiousrock. You still have all those gains. Recovery is sometimes two steps forward and one step back. But the net result is huge progress over time. I have seen the excitement you had and the progress you have made.
I do want to say that I am very sorry if sharing my experience about my own step work influenced your attitude in a negative way. It was not my intention to do that, but I realize in hindsight that it was probably not helpful to you at that point in your step work and recovery. I have learned from it and you have my sincerest apologies.
I do think you need a program. I hope you either find another AA sponsor, or try an alternative program like SMART, or even both. Whatever you choose, work it hard and it will payoff for you. I know you can do it. There's no doubt in my mind.
I do want to say that I am very sorry if sharing my experience about my own step work influenced your attitude in a negative way. It was not my intention to do that, but I realize in hindsight that it was probably not helpful to you at that point in your step work and recovery. I have learned from it and you have my sincerest apologies.
I do think you need a program. I hope you either find another AA sponsor, or try an alternative program like SMART, or even both. Whatever you choose, work it hard and it will payoff for you. I know you can do it. There's no doubt in my mind.
anyways back to day 1. I have done a couple meetings today, and I only know of one person so far that won't talk to me
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