ravens99

Hi,

It's been a while between posts - I was originally posting under peacefulfreedom and lost the email address and password attached to this username - hence the new username.

I've become recently sober again (only day 5 today) - and just have a few things I'm pondering.

I work in what is a stressful environment for an introvert like myself - although I'm good at my job too. However I've noticed recently that if I don't drink I am feeling so anxious at work, and dreading it really. Sometimes it will be OK and I won't mind it, but most of the time I just dread it. In my job I have to give emotionally etc - and I feel like I'm barely here for myself let alone other people. Which makes me resent the people I have to see, and fills me with a back ground negativity. Which makes me want to drink to cope.

I've been at the same line of work for 10 years, and really noticed that for a lot of this, I have been drinking a lot of this time. I am still able to throw myself in to the work but I feel like the anxiety then just mounts of up in the background and I am driven to try to drink to dispel it.

Now that I haven't been drinking for 5 days, the work stress is pretty strong. I've been doing everything to assist - eating well, sleeping/in bed for the regular time, sleep hygiene prior to bed, exercise. I've dropped my days down to 3 x longer days each week with a day apart (this was only a recent change). However I feel like I'm burnt out and need some time to recouperate? Does that make sense?

I'm getting a referral for a psych today (it's been years in between this) - as have had mental health issues diagnosed in the past. This will probably take a few months to get in to see him though due to the wait lists etc.

I'm just not really sure what to do. I know already that alcohol is simply burying the problems. And that they seem to grow even bigger when you uncover them after being buried for a bit. I feel like maybe it's time for a career change but I'm not sure what that will look like. But then I think maybe it's worth taking the time to suss out what that may look like? I mean no one is going to do it for me, right? But it's so hard to do this when I'm operating on not much extra energy - and it's so exhausting emotionally the work I'm doing - probably one of the worst jobs to be doing while being newly sober. But I know that if I just keep throwing myself in to it, I will no doubt want to drink again. As this is the cycle I've been repeating for years.

Any one have any good advice?

Thanks for listening.

Introvrtd1

Hi raven....and welcome

Ive been there...Drinking for me was kinda an escape from my own head after a long day’s work...mostly due to boredem, disinterest in family activities, and a bit of laziness.

When drinking was no longer fun or fulfilling...I decided it was time to call it quits...Being in my 50s, my body didn’t seem to process alcohol as easily as it used to...

Day 70 today for me....Still determined to keep it going...one day at a time...

Hang in there and come back for more support and encouragement...

Intro

advbike

Welcome. I can relate. My drinking ramped way up in my mid-forties when my career was really taking off and the pressure got intense. I had 600 people in my part of the organization and we were re-structuring. I tried everything to quit drinking or cut down but couldn't do it. Tried counseling, AA, even did a 30 day outpatient program. Most days I would buy a six pack after work, drink two beers just on the commute home, then finish it.

Some can quit while still under pressure, my hat is off to them, but I create a lot of stress and anxiety for myself, so I finally had to bail out. I took a severance package at the end of that year and spent the next six months getting healthy, before doing something totally different and more creative. Once the pressure was off I was able to cut way back on alcohol and even quit for extended periods of time. Did yoga, biked a lot, went on long camping trips.

I will say, in retrospect, that I wish I could have handled it differently, and been able to quit the booze, and stay on in my position. It was a pretty awesome job in many respects. If I hadn't been drinking to relieve stress, I probably wouldn't have had as much stress to begin with, but it became the chicken and egg thing and I just had to make a drastic change. Just my experience, yours may be different.

It's important to find meaning in what we do. And also not to cope with stress by using alcohol or drugs. Only you know really, what you need to do. Some people might quit the job, drink more, and fall apart. For me it was helpful.

Libby06

Welcome back Raven. I had many attempts at quitting while working a stressful job, but when my company shut down, my drinking really ramped up. I was able to get sober while on unemployment, and so happy that I did. I filled my time with a lot of AA meetings and really anything related to AA. I no longer attend meetings, but my time there was of immense value and helped me get some sober time under my belt.

I realize you are still working and my experience many not be of much help, but the important thing is to do something different than what you did in the past. I would caution against too many big changes in early recovery. 5 days is great, but only the beginning. Take drinking completely off the table as a coping mechanism. My anxiety subsided the longer I was sober, and I went on a completely different career path. One that I could not have possibly accomplished while drinking/hungover.

Are the longer shifts/less days helping?

ravens99

Big thanks to everyone. It's so lovely to feel your acceptance. I do find the less days are helping, however I know that this isn't ultimately the career I want. It was definitely something to just put food on the table while I chased my real passion (art) and since alcohol has been sapping my creativity and ability to focus, it's kind of robbing this opportunity from happening.

I think.

I guess it might get more clear as time goes on. I look back and realise I'm no closer to my goal because I've been buring myself under a job I don't enjoy with alcohol.

Dee74

Welcome back

I think there's two sides to the argument. One is that any job is going to be stressful in early recovery. You might find that things change a few weeks or months down the track?

The other is if you really believe that a change could help you and even help your recovery - and you've thought about this for a while - then you gotta do what you gotta do.

Hope your psych consult will be able to help you decide

D

Hevyn

Hi ravens - I'm so glad you posted about what's going on. I think talking things over here really helps lessen the anxiety we feel in early recovery.

It's good you're making arrangements to see someone about your situation - I hope you don't have a long wait to get an appointment. Meanwhile, please be patient with yourself - I was exhausted when I first got sober. It's a very big deal & an adjustment - but you seem to be doing all the right things. Congratulations on your 5 days sober.

least

Welcome back! I remember you.

The first tool in my sobriety toolbox is gratitude - lots and lots of gratitude. I find it gives me a more positive attitude and makes me happier. Here's a good article about how being grateful can reward us.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

Delilah1

Welcome back! I am another one who used alcohol to deal with the stress of work, but it truly only made me more anxious about whatever was actually going on. I have been sober for five years and two months, and in my new job for four years. Once I got sober I really focused on the job I’ve always wanted within my field, and the best part is I’ve been sober the entire time I’ve had it. There is definitely less day to day stress with my current
Kaitlin, but more long term responsibilities. I have learned that going for a walk in the middle of the work day helps to clear my head, I also take small breaks to do s lap around the office or check in with a colleague, those little mental breaks help me remain focused. I also have gotten much bette about finding a stopping point, I will always have ongoing projects and a to do list, but I am okay with knowing that something needs to wait until the next day. I start each day by writing out my to do today list, and I always have a list of things I am working on. I enjoy checking them off, and highlighting when they’re done.

It sounds like drinking is preventing you from moving toward the career you really want. Is it possible to start working on your art in the evenings instead of drinking? Are there any classes you might be able to take, or even art shows you can enter your work in? Maybe setting a goal for something related to this will help as well.

I hope your appt goes well!

❤️Delilah

freedomfries

I'm sorry you're feeling this way but five days is very early in recovery. Give it some time. It's normal for anxiety to be high at this point.

FreeOwl

The program of AA is what helped me most in getting through what you're describing.

I promise you this: going back to drinking will NOT help.

I also promise you this: if you work your sobriety (not just 'Don't Drink') - your life will be a gazillion times better and these anxiety struggles, resentments, emotional challenges will be but interesting threads in a beautiful tapestry of a cherished and blessed existence.

You in?

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt1.pdf

(Dee.... it's been a while.... I can't remember how I'm supposed to annotate the aa links... my apologies)

Mizz

I have found my work to be very stressful at times. There is a lot of caretaking for people in our community and also a lot of responsibilities on many different levels. Expectations are high and always have been.

When I first quit drinking I was very very anxious and overly stressed. I had been in a place of wanting to leave the company I work for and never look back. I had to let those emotions settle because I knew that I needed time for sobriety. It took me awhile to level off and to see that I was not actually a stressed out person. I could actually handle my job and I was able to start processing differently. Alcohol created such whirlwind in my being. I am now dealing with my work differently. Sure, I get stressed at times. Those times are fewer now.

Ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy.

Evoo

What I've discovered sober is that alcohol was very much the *cause* of much of my anxiety... the addiction was actively preventing me from seeking help or wellness. I had near-paralyzing health anxiety (though, like you, I was also good at my job even at very bad points in my addiction.. but that's only because I did *nothing* else but work and drink).

Now it turns out that health anxiety was justified (I had undiagnosed crohns and thought I was dying. I'd dip into anxiety attacks and then drink myself to sleep).

But over time, I found ways to manage that anxiety that didn't involve alcohol. It's amazing to me how badly that anxiety was exacerbated by hangover and withdrawals... take whatever anxiety I have and multiply it by 1000x and add existential dread. Sobriety, mindfulness, health and diet, medical treatment -- have made me a different person.

Good luck, stay on this journey -- it's worth it more than you can imagine. But it'll take time.

Anna

Yes, things will become more clear as time goes by. And, your anxiety may diminish as well.

But, if things don't improve over time, and since you've noticed the stress/anxiety problems at work for about 10 years, it might be a good idea to consider a career change. It doesn't have to be something that you do today or this week, but maybe in the upcoming months you will find the clarity you need to make a change.

ravens99

Wow. Thank you everyone. I do enjoy the career but not really enough for it to be my full-time forever work. In fact I don't feel like I CAN work in it full-time. I feel resentful of the people I see to assist - basically because I'm thinking well here I am bending over backwards to help these people. But I'm not helping myself, I am giving on a dry tank (ironically alcohol being the 'dry' here). It angers me at times and it makes me short-tempered also at times. I feel jealous when I look at my colleagues who seem to have given themselves enough first and then being more able to give to others.

I'm considering trying to take a few months off to come up with a plan. Thing is my work I can barely have a sick day because I am the only one in my particular city they have hired for this larger number of hours. This stress/pressure makes it even worse. They wanted me to contact people over the weekend to reschedule as I took Friday off and I needed to have them organised for Monday. And yes, technically if I work 10 mins on the weekend I can reduce work by 10 minutes e.g. during the week somewhere - but I *hate* having to constantly be *on* for them. I think weekends should be weekends. And I don't want to have responsibilities if I'm unwell - it kinda reduces the whole idea of being able to switch off.

Thanks for listening. I am committed to walking towards the light now (i.e. sobriety). It feels nicer than any fuzzy alcohol feeling for sure-I do think alcohol is just a way of making the window of life merely opaque and foggy in a temporary way, where ultimately the window has to clear at times anyway and we all must regard the view. Much better to regard the view clearly and honestly.