NewCreature

I totally know I shouldn't drink. But for some reason I do it anyways. I don't know how many Day 1's I have put on my calendar and swore it off only to do it again.
If I could feel the remorse and shame BEFORE i took the first drink, that would help.
Am I nuts? Why do I continue to do this if i know it is wrong?
I really loathe myself for having this problem. i know better, but i just get a drink anyways.
Totally senseless.
I have been off here for years and remembered how great of a group this was. I am going to dive in here again.
My question is, How do you stop or deal with that urge that pops up every week or so? It is like reason is thrown out the window!

Anna

Welcome back, NewCreature,

It might be helpful for you to remember that alcoholism/addiction isn't a character flaw. Try to find ways to love yourself, rather than loathing yourself.

The only way to deal with urges is to get through them. Each time you get through an urge, the next time will be easier, and before long your urges will dwindle off. It's not easy to get through a craving, so you could try making a list of things that you think would help you - go out for a long walk, spend time with your pet, play music that you love, call a friend, have some ice cream -whatever will work for you.

brighterday1234

Acceptance of my alcoholism and giving my recovery 100% total commitment and dedicating my life to it is how I remained sober and lost the desire to drink. A recovery program was essential for me.

SaturnRules

Hi NewCreature. I'm am back today after being away also. I am feeling exactly the way you are. It's just an awful feeling. I like Anna's comment that our addiction is not a character flaw.
But hang in there. I know how hard it is to get out of your own head space. I'm glad I came back here.

Erica375

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Erica375

Every WEEK or so?! Sometimes it was every minute or so. It does get better as you retrain your brain.
I put a lot of time and effort into my sobriery. I watch movies, tv shows, and documentaries about addiction. I read books, I listen in on Zoom AA meetings, although I follow another program. I journal, I have hobbies, I have goals.
I also read and post here and on some other forums.
And all you have to do to start your new life is don't drink.
You can do this!

JustJohn

I understand and glad you're back. No judgment - keep giving sobriety a chance and eventually it will stick. I've struggled a long time because I never made a plan to stay sober. I now have a plan and I work that plan.

Self talk helps me beat back urges. Yes - I really talk to myself. I tell myself the hangover is going to suck. I tell myself my brain and organs simply cannot take any more abuse. I tell myself the only way I'm going to live is to be sober. I tell myself the truth - whatever it takes.

Then I take action. I eat food. I drink water, tea, coffee, etc. I go for a walk. I lift weights. I go to bed early. Whatever it takes.

In my first month, I allowed myself to eat anything I wanted to beat back the cravings. Then the next month I started eating healthy and weight lifting. Do what you can as you can to improve your health - and forgive yourself - you can't change the past.

In summary - do whatever it takes to not take that first drink. Let's do this!

NewCreature

Thanks, i could use all the advice i can.
I usually preempt it by willpower, but then they day comes and it is like someone else takes over.
Sounds like you are talking about an alternative. going to give that a shot. Like hiking or the treadmill.

NewCreature

you are back too! I am glad I am not the only one. I am starting to figure out I cannot do this alone.
Let's beat this thins!

NewCreature

yeah, i can hold off for about a week or two. maybe a month. usually when I am busy, I do pretty good.
I am surprised at how this urge kind of takes over. Logic goes out the window at that point.

NewCreature

I used to lock up my keys and wallet with a timer lock. That worked for a while, then I would get lazy. Probably need to get back to that.
I like the alternatives and the self talk. I try that too like a preemptive measure. but, then i get lazy. I noticed a lot of people treat this like a WAR! and i guess that is exactly what it is.

ABoiledOwl

Welcome back, it's always hard coming back and admitting our faults.
​​​​​​​What are you going to do different this time?
Have you tried working a program of recovery?

NewCreature

well, i am coming back here for advice. That is something I haven't done in a while. This is kind of like trying to drive with a flat tire. Or a wheel completely off. I have to deal with this so i can drive.
Might try some of these zoom aa meetings i have been hearing about.

Dee74

Welcome back New Creature

For me I had to login read and post here every day.

It was way more difficult to rationalize another drink when I was faced with the disastrous consequences of drinking for people like me.

I also really wanted change- more than I wanted another drink.

Having a strategy a plan for what to do when those thoughts come is far better than willpower.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D

Dee74

Welcome to you too Owl - sounds like you've done this before

D

Hevyn

NewCreature - You have good advice already, so I'd just like to add my welcome & encouragement.
I drank 30 yrs., & when I found SR I was so relieved to be able to talk to others who understood. I agree that doing something to distract yourself when you get anxious is very important - especially in the early days. I felt very disoriented for a while, but soon the relief of getting free took over & I calmed down. You can do it!

Hello, Owl - Very glad to have you with us too.

kinzoku

I don't think I could be sober without support. Without the fact that people hold me accountable. I don't think I could be sober if my life wasn't trending upwards. I don't think I could be sober without a relationship with the universe.

That's all key for me. Because if I pick up a drink right now I have to answer to friends, a life partner, a god / universe, and a life that's made better by sobriety.

Obviously the first thing is just going day by day and getting some momentum and sober time. But until your sober life is more appealing than the alternative, it will be easy to stray.

ABoiledOwl

Yeah, I have 13 years sober with a program and work as a peer supporter, but I'm just sober for today and that's all I have to worry about.
I have another account on here from years ago, but forgot the password (getting old..haha) and don't have access to my email from work (on lunch now).
I do know that things don't change if things don't change.