Jj1844

I saw my therapist on Saturday for the first time since I’ve stopped. It was probably the most productive session we’ve had in almost a year. I was present. One thing I find that keeps getting in a bad place is the lack of community I now feel. For awhile now, I’ve been moving away from people I don’t want to carve out space for. In the process I’ve found myself isolated... I’ve both pushed out people I want back and pushed out people I do not want back—both a product of substance abuse. It’s a scary place sometimes. I know I just want to keep pushing g forward.

doggonecarl

I looked back and saw that you are only a few weeks sober. I think if you focus on recovery, you'll find the space for friends. But first things first.

Steely

It's true as our sobriety builds, so does the skill needed to forge new relationships build. That's the theory, I think. It's difficult being truly present to the world in early sobriety. Easier than being absent and drunk tho. It takes time. Seems sometimes there will never be enough time.

The most I wish for now is to have a good relationship with myself, share it with other people along the way. Try be present outside of the therapist's rooms. It's not easy, that's for sure.

Easier than picking up a drink tho.

Anna

Yes, I agree with both of the above. I pushed away almost everyone in my life when I was drinking, too. Focus on your recovery and things will fall into place.

Aellyce

I would agree with Steely on this. If you really feel lonely and need more company in early sobriety, I guess people in recovery communities like this or the many others that are out there could be a choice? Or perhaps coworkers, people you have some shared sober interests/hobbies with but no one is particularly invested in the others emotionally. It's still possible to discuss challenges that way and feel supported, in my experience. Keep it simple. I'm over 3 months sober and the last thing I desire is close, deeper relationships with people, especially new ones, but possible it's easier for me as I am very introverted and a loner in many ways. A few years ago, when I first tried to get sober, I had a different attitude and just kept getting too involved in interactions with others at the detriment of much more essential things, I used that as yet another distraction from what I should have been doing for recovery, and of course the sobriety never lasted. I doubt I was truly good company either, at least for healthy, balanced, mutually beneficial relationships. I don't even consider any of that now and feel I can focus on more immediate and acutely important things much better, also have more energy because involved relationships don't drain any.

Dee74

Hi JJ

I found things sorted themselves out as long as I focused on staying sober.I lost a lot of drinking buddies but in time I regained the trust and friendship of old friends.

Covid makes it harder to be connected but not impossible - you can stay connected in a cyber way if nothing else.

D

P51Dmustang

If you figure it out let me know. I'm in a similar space. I'm pretty introverted myself, and the friends I had either moved far away, and the few who are still around I've burned bridges with. It's not that I did anything bad to them, I just preferred to be by myself and drink. My immediate family are the only people I can interact with outside of work, and even there I've made myself distant over the last several years.

After a couple months sober I've become painfully aware that I've left myself almost totally alone, and it does suck. Turns out not drinking is only the first step of sobriety I guess. I hadn't thought about the fact that there was more to it than just the not drinking part until recently.

least

I agree with focusing on your sobriety first and foremost. Be kind to yourself and others, and friendships will come. You'll find them in unexpected places so keep your eyes open.

brighterday1234

Good advice already; focus on your recovery and friends will naturally happen 🙏

DriGuy

Carl and everyone else nailed it in the first response: "First things first." My need way back when, was to find a circle of friends where sobriety was celebrated. I loved hanging out at AA meetings at 8:00 PM on Friday night with people whose main purpose was to get together sober and enjoy themselves, while everyone else was already well on their way to blotto. You won't make friends with everyone, but you will become special friends with some. The rest will just be people you will be grateful for. For me there was definitely "power in numbers" when it came to getting sober. But first things first. You have to put away the bottle, but it was easier for me to do among others in recovery.

advbike

Good advice from all. I was a big isolator over the years, but found in sobriety that I was more outgoing, and people are naturally drawn to us because we are active and level headed. Also, as we get sober we naturally re-engage with life and our interests, where friends will be made naturally. I joined a couple local board committees and have made friends there, as well as through my passion for travel, cycling and motorcycling. I ride the type of touring motorcycle where people take safety seriously and thus rarely drink, especially when riding. You will find your community if you stay sober, and by the way, this is one of the best.

shortstop81

I feel like I’m in a very similar situation - except I’ve stepped away from people in sobriety whom I’ve realized were toxic for me. It’s left me somewhat alone in sobriety, and at 40 years old and in the midst of a pandemic at a loss for how to make new friends. I’ve even had to distance from a large chunk of my family.

I just hope that I’ll eventually make some progress in meeting an forging meaningful relationships with others.

Mizz

Keep moving forward with your resolve and everything will work itself out in time.
Its good to hear you had a productive therapy session and that you are on the right track.
I personally have very few people in my life that I can call a "friend."
The very few are all I really need.