8 weeks today
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 29
8 weeks today
I first posted here on January 10th, marking my first 7 days of sobriety. 7 days was a big deal for me and acknowledging it publicly was also a huge deal. I felt safe here. It is safe here. I have spent a lot of time reading others' posts and gaining comfort in knowing I'm not alone, especially when my brain and body are going through some pretty significant life changes.
Something happened at 6 weeks and I turned a corner. The cravings subsided (until the following Friday. Seems the weekend is the big trigger for me which is odd because I drank every day but Friday, Saturday and Sunday are hard). And the realization, and I mean true realization vs just "knowing", that this is going to be something I deal with/have to manage every day. Will it get better and easier? Judging from the past 2 months - yes. For sure. Will there be curveballs? Yes. For sure. Does it just go away and everything is now "normal" because I am not drinking? No. What I am learning is the tricky part, to navigate. But it can be done because it has to be done.
Most of the time I feel good, there are a lot of ups and downs. They seem to go away as quickly as they come but sometimes it's a little stormy
And then those sneaky triggers.... And, since this all new, I don't always know what they are going to be. Sometime it comes out of nowhere and suddenly, almost cripplingly, blindsides me and almost kicks my a**. The biggest thing I have learned over the past 2 months is this: the only thing that has absolutely gotten me through the days that I feel like I may give in for "just one" (haha - do NOT kid yourself that you can do this. Seriously. Do not even entertain it. Tell that AV to f*** off LOUDLY) is imagining myself after. Meaning, if i did drink, how would I feel after I had the "just one". How would I feel in an hour (when if I hadn't already had more, I would, with certainty, want more) and how would I feel the next morning. Was it worth it? Would I have stopped at the one? How would I FEEL. Because the reason most of us drink is to feel better, right? But alcohol makes us feel worse. Much worse. Always. It always makes us feel worse because there comes a time when you drink that last one and either go to bed or pass out. And then... Morning. Or afternoon. Or late night. Whenever it is that you wake up from having that last drink. And you feel like holy hell. I make myself feel that. Physically and emotionally - all of it. And I don't drink. That is the only thing that truly stops me. Because it is never enough. It's never just one. It's never worth it. Because, God willing, you will wake up. And guess what? You will not be glad you gave in. You will feel awful and what do we do when we feel awful? Drink some more. And round and round and round you go.
But, if you don't do it - don't take that drink, don't give in to that AV that is absolutely not your friend - you will wake up knowing that you did it. You did not drink. And if you did it once, you can do it again. It is hard, but you can do it. I know because I am actively doing it every day.
Thank you again for the space to vent and share. I realize that in my writing I am also talking to myself. Words written down carry weight. Here's to taking it one day at a time and actually living it. Happy Monday
Something happened at 6 weeks and I turned a corner. The cravings subsided (until the following Friday. Seems the weekend is the big trigger for me which is odd because I drank every day but Friday, Saturday and Sunday are hard). And the realization, and I mean true realization vs just "knowing", that this is going to be something I deal with/have to manage every day. Will it get better and easier? Judging from the past 2 months - yes. For sure. Will there be curveballs? Yes. For sure. Does it just go away and everything is now "normal" because I am not drinking? No. What I am learning is the tricky part, to navigate. But it can be done because it has to be done.
Most of the time I feel good, there are a lot of ups and downs. They seem to go away as quickly as they come but sometimes it's a little stormy
And then those sneaky triggers.... And, since this all new, I don't always know what they are going to be. Sometime it comes out of nowhere and suddenly, almost cripplingly, blindsides me and almost kicks my a**. The biggest thing I have learned over the past 2 months is this: the only thing that has absolutely gotten me through the days that I feel like I may give in for "just one" (haha - do NOT kid yourself that you can do this. Seriously. Do not even entertain it. Tell that AV to f*** off LOUDLY) is imagining myself after. Meaning, if i did drink, how would I feel after I had the "just one". How would I feel in an hour (when if I hadn't already had more, I would, with certainty, want more) and how would I feel the next morning. Was it worth it? Would I have stopped at the one? How would I FEEL. Because the reason most of us drink is to feel better, right? But alcohol makes us feel worse. Much worse. Always. It always makes us feel worse because there comes a time when you drink that last one and either go to bed or pass out. And then... Morning. Or afternoon. Or late night. Whenever it is that you wake up from having that last drink. And you feel like holy hell. I make myself feel that. Physically and emotionally - all of it. And I don't drink. That is the only thing that truly stops me. Because it is never enough. It's never just one. It's never worth it. Because, God willing, you will wake up. And guess what? You will not be glad you gave in. You will feel awful and what do we do when we feel awful? Drink some more. And round and round and round you go.But, if you don't do it - don't take that drink, don't give in to that AV that is absolutely not your friend - you will wake up knowing that you did it. You did not drink. And if you did it once, you can do it again. It is hard, but you can do it. I know because I am actively doing it every day.
Thank you again for the space to vent and share. I realize that in my writing I am also talking to myself. Words written down carry weight. Here's to taking it one day at a time and actually living it. Happy Monday
Keep going, it gets better. Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Congrats on the 8 weeks, that is awesome!
So true. Whenever I share in a recovery setting, I try to remember that I am the number one person who needs to listen to what I am saying because the feedback can be immense if I really listen to myself. It may not be profound, but it speaks volumes if I listen. :~)
I realize that in my writing I am also talking to myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: CA, USA
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by nez 
Congrats on the 8 weeks, that is awesome!
So true. Whenever I share in a recovery setting, I try to remember that I am the number one person who needs to listen to what I am saying because the feedback can be immense if I really listen to myself. It may not be profound, but it speaks volumes if I listen. :~)
So true. Whenever I share in a recovery setting, I try to remember that I am the number one person who needs to listen to what I am saying because the feedback can be immense if I really listen to myself. It may not be profound, but it speaks volumes if I listen. :~)
Well done.
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