JamesW

I have had an ongoing love affair with alcohol for at the very least for thirty years.
By nature/inclination I need to understand, my Mother says I drove her crazy as a child always asking why ?

I also believe the past is the best predictor of the future, as in the measure of a man's or woman's character, we all tend to repeat our histories - as do Countries.

So ! having read and talked to people on the subject of addiction, and my own experience, and my ex Lovers, It appears to me that many people do not follow a pattern of ever increasing use of one substance, until utter destruction. That many factors and substances, activities, are part of the addicted persons life.
For example, I have been for long periods been obsessive about the gym, work, shopping sweet/candy etc etc. and alcohol has fallen by the wayside without a a deliberate effort. I simply had a new obsession.

I absolutely agree that alcohol is a physically addictive mind altering substance. And a a victim of recent domestic abuse I know that had he not been totally drunk I could have in some way lessen that, but then I too had a skin full, my instincts were blunted.

For the last two months, I have drank on 8/10 days, I would like to journey to no alcohol at all. But this is where I am now, I have not drunk any booze for three days, and with the help of God will not tomorrow. But should I, I will not allow myself to shout failure ! and go on a bender because I'm a bad Man.

Just lift myself up, dust myself off, try all over again.

Any thoughts ,experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you SR

doggonecarl

If this is a "Where I stand at the moment" post, I get it. What I don't get out of it is any kind of strong commitment to quit.

Dee74

If that was true babies would never learn to walk, kids would never learn to ride bikes and I would have never managed to play the guitar

M ost of all I do not think that's true at all of addiction James.

I drugged for 30 years and drank hard for 20 of those thirty - most of that time drunk/high daily - but in just under a week I'll have 14 years clean and sober.

People can change - and that makes all the difference with something as personal and individual as addiction.

I believe anyone can make a new, permanent start with enough commItment, effort and a decent plan.

D

JamesW

That I am here, and struggling might give an indication, also this is not my first post. But thank you for your considered input Dog. X

I always find it is useful to listen to diverse opinions, we can always learn, or take something positive.

Anna

James, I'm glad you're here and that you're drinking less. I will say, in order for me to succeed I needed a 100% conviction that alcohol was never going to be an option in my life, ever. I could not open the door, even a crack, to the possibility that I might drink tomorrow. Recovery is really, really hard and for me, it took a major commitment.

anxiousrock

That first part what you said about the past.... you should do the 12 steps with a sponsor. That sounds like a step 5 to me!

Steely

I think anyone's first step would be to 'fall out of love with 'it'. She's a siren's song. AV. She lies.

I've arrived at that most uncomfortable place.. The place where I know I don't want to drink, but have to think instead. It's challenging. Interesting.

Nothing much else to do.

Life.

fini

”For the last two months, I have drank on 8/10 days, I would like to journey to no alcohol at all. But this is where I am now, I have not drunk any booze for three days, and with the help of God will not tomorrow. But should I, I will not allow myself to shout failure ! and go on a bender because I'm a bad Man.”

this whole paragraph strikes me as a set-up. not necessarily a set-up to drink tomorrow, but a set-up to have all the excuses in place already why it’s not a big deal, not a failure of any kind since there is no commitment anyway, and as you no doubt know being a bad man, good man, or any other kind of man is irrelevant to quitting drinking.
if you would “like to” get to no alcohol at all, you need something stronger than “i would like to”.
something more akin to the refusal you show in “i will not...” and then some.
saying with the help of God you will not drink tomorrow, but if you do, then....you see the wide-open barn door, yes?

JamesW

Once I put my thoughts external to my mind, I was having doubt, and reading obviously well intentioned messages, I believe I was saving a get out of Jail card. Is sober like a prison sentence, or is booze ? I know the answer deep in my soul.

At this time in UK, this is day four.

Thank you

fini

and this:i for so long felt chained, imprisoned, by booze, and by my relationship with it.
i wanted freedom from it. really badly. desperately. yet, it took me many tries.
sobriety is the farthest thing from a prison sentence.
keep going and you’ll have a chance to find out.

Steely

I think I misunderstood what you meant by "barn door" fini. I was thinking about the 'doors of perception." 😂

I'll still post.

The door is not so frightening. You can close it anytime you like, but without alcohol. It's better that way.

Eventually sober we should see the door wide open, and we'll walk on through.

fini

ah, doors of perception. there's a book about that
the barn doors i was talking about are the huge ones left open for drinking again.

how is day four going, James?

JamesW

Day going okay, did some laundry, napped, visited a friend, had a brief craving, just rode it through. Honestly I said to myself "your choice", I choose not to drink today, though might buy some cake and sweets (candy).

Steely

Booze is the prison sentence. It's life, no chance of parole. Sober is your 'ticket to leave."

There was a book about that fini.

I think a barn door would make for excellent perception.

It mightn't be true for you, but drinking kept my head in chains.

fini

sounds like a nice laid-back day, James.
what really helped me with urges, since drinking was off the table as an option, was to explore how i was feeling, what was behind or underlying that “wantwantwantgottahave”. it wasn’t really just for booze; it was always “about” something else, or to alleviate something, escape something, not wanting to experience something, that kind of thing.

fini

double post

fini

Steely,
careful with books, eh?
i just read yesterday a quote by Louisa May Alcott from her book ‘Work’:
”She is too fond of books and it has turned her brain”.

Steely

A nice way to turn.