Learning how to deal with my dad passing away
 

I had over 11 month sober until I slip and got drunk to get away and think about buying a house. It didn't really help the alcohol. Don't know because I was so long without alcohol or what. By the 10% beer I got didnt hit me like it did. I felt nothing and it's most likely why I didn't drink for 7 days straight but 2 days. Well, the day after I stop drinking I found out my dad was in the hospital 😭 and he was on life support and hospital would only let two people see them and he didn't want to be on life support.

It's going to be a week this Monday. I been keeping myself busy with work. It's something that I don't know what else to do. I don't have Desire to drink alcohol. I know me drinking will not get him back and the effects I got out of it last week didn't give me that feeling I wanted to Escape. Which is why I have no desire to drink alcohol. It want give me what I want and not even in the short run.

I just don't know what else to do. I remember my dad wanted to hung me before I left from my parents place but I told him, can't do that stuff because of Covid. But I was being a dick at the time because I don't like doing that stuff.

Any advice with people who lost their parents beside the Obvious not to drink.

I've lost both my parents. It's tough for everyone who goes through it. So I'm not sure what you mean by "deal with it" Do you mean not suffer the grief and loss? That it not be a painful and emotional time? I have no advice for that.

Perhaps grief is something we "deal" with, but in my experience, it's something we have to go through, and there are no short cuts.

You might do a search online. Lots of topics on grief, loss, and managing it.

Again, sorry for your loss.

When you lose a parent, the grief in some fashion will always be a part of you and you just have to grieve. Cry and shake your fists and the sky. The grief will come out of nowhere, even years later. My Dad was an awful person but you still grieve their passing for so many reasons and you still can love them even though you didn't really understand them. And you cannot, and indeed should not, drink it away. Grief is one of the things that makes us human and keeps us healthy and living a good life.

Really sorry to hear about your dad. Lost my dad in mid-2019 and my mum went six months after.

It does take a lot of time to get over such a loss. I’ve read it takes two years, but it all depends on the individual.

I’ve realised no one has a happy ending as such. Old people get sick, have a rubbish final few years and then pass away. All we can do is remember the better times before, so don’t dwell on the Covid restrictions. Your dad knew the score.

It helps to talk to whoever about it. I have an older brother and was quite surprised how upset he still is about our mum dying a year ago. It’s good to talk.

As this is an alcohol forum, I should add that I’d been eight months sober when my dad died and luckily didn’t feel like a drink. Do what your dad would want and steer clear of alcohol. Take it easy and condolences again.

I am very sorry for your loss. Grief is such a roller coaster. It really takes time to get through. We do get through it. I know that I found myself riding all sorts of waves. Some days were better than others. Just know that you are not alone.

I'm very sorry about the loss of your Dad. I hope you don't blame yourself for not giving your Dad a hug when you last saw him. Lots of people are uncomfortable with hugging and I'm sure your Dad knew you loved him. Take care of yourself.

WNNM, I'm very sorry for your loss. Having lost my dad several years ago and my mom last summer, my experience is that it can be a big shock to the system and take some time to process the grief. And you're right, drinking would only delay that process and make it more difficult to come through to the other side of it.

One suggestion I have would be to look for grief support groups or a therapist that specializes in grief. It can really help to talk to others who understand, and to talk out all the various things we go through when grieving. For example, I think it is really common to second-guess things we might have done or said in the last days or weeks of a parent's life ... I know I regretted something I did while taking care of my dad his last week. Once he was gone, I could never correct whatever it is I did or didn't do, so I just stayed stuck on that thought. Now that I have had some time to process it, I've forgiven myself and realized it was really a small mistake, and I was just doing the best I could at the time. Grief counseling can help up sort through some of those things.

With covid, a lot of support groups and individual therapy can be done online. I'm still in therapy to process the grief of losing my mom. I didn't get enough support after my dad died, and it just delayed my healing... so with my mom's passing I'm getting weekly support. You can also post here on SR in our grief and loss forum ... lots of folks there understand.

Remember the good.

I'm sorry for your loss @WhyNotNowMe. There's not much to say that will help, I realize. My dad died about ten years ago and I think of him every day. At first it's overwhelming, and there's guilt over what was left unsaid and undone. But there's nothing you can do about the past. I'm sure he knew you loved him. Sadly many folks have died alone due to Covid, and I really hate it. As corny as it sounds, try to live your life in a way that honors him. Get sober, stay sober, live a life that would make him proud. Not just for him, but for you, too.:grouphug::grouphug:

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I have lost both of my parents and it is extremely difficult. When my dad died I was still drinking, so I drank to avoid dealing with my grief, which was not healthy. When my mom died two years ago, I had three years sober, and I dealt with my grief, I cried, and allowed myself to feel sad. I surround Dee myself with friends and family, and loved hearing stories they had about my mom, with COVID this might be something you need to do virtually. I also went for walks alone each day to clear my mind and to have some time to talk to my mom and get out how I was feeling, I wasn’t talking out loud (at least I don’t think I was!) but three walks really helped. I took a few of my mom’s sweaters, and some of my dad’s shirts, and wearing them still brings me comfort.

My dad will be gone 11 years this week, and my mom has been gone for two years. I still miss them and think of them each day, but the pain has lessened. I hope you’ll find comfort in the memories you have of your dad.

Sending lots of love your way.
❤️Delilah