Day 57
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Join Date: Nov 2020
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Day 57
It's been a while since I've posted, I'm generally getting on pretty well. I go through phases of extreme cravings where the thought of drinking becomes obsessive but these phases do pass. I think ultimately time and the passing of time is the best healer.
I miss the anticipation of drinking but I don't miss drinking. When I play the tape forward I can see that every motive for drinking is purely a craving, it might be dressed up in a very clever disguise but once I analyse it I can see it is just a mind trick to get that drug into my veins.
When I look at all of my values, all of my hopes, dreams, morals, goals, I can see how drinking is in direct opposition to all of them.
The need/want to consume alcohol is a cravings for a drug. No different to nicotine, herion, cocain. There is no healthy level, no moderation. It is a drug that I have to quit.
Peace x
I miss the anticipation of drinking but I don't miss drinking. When I play the tape forward I can see that every motive for drinking is purely a craving, it might be dressed up in a very clever disguise but once I analyse it I can see it is just a mind trick to get that drug into my veins.
When I look at all of my values, all of my hopes, dreams, morals, goals, I can see how drinking is in direct opposition to all of them.
The need/want to consume alcohol is a cravings for a drug. No different to nicotine, herion, cocain. There is no healthy level, no moderation. It is a drug that I have to quit.
Peace x
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Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 125
Not a drug that you have to quit....
it is a drug that you HAVE quit! Good job on 57 days. I’m at the same stage —day 58 for me.
I appreciate your post. I can really relate to missing the anticipation of drinking more that the drinking.
always Friday on my way home from work the anticipation to relieving the stress of the week hits. But that anticipation has been a habit years in the making. And you are right. That’s all it is. A mind trick.
sounds like you (we) are doing the right things and with time and awareness, diligence, and a plan of action we will stay quit.
B
it is a drug that you HAVE quit! Good job on 57 days. I’m at the same stage —day 58 for me.
I appreciate your post. I can really relate to missing the anticipation of drinking more that the drinking.
always Friday on my way home from work the anticipation to relieving the stress of the week hits. But that anticipation has been a habit years in the making. And you are right. That’s all it is. A mind trick.
sounds like you (we) are doing the right things and with time and awareness, diligence, and a plan of action we will stay quit.
B
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Thanks for sharing. Below is a quote from the Big Book that came to my mind in response, which may or may not be relevant to your experience.
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
God bless.
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
God bless.
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Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by novips 
Thanks for sharing. Below is a quote from the Big Book that came to my mind in response, which may or may not be relevant to your experience.
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
God bless.
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.
God bless.
Would you mind elaborating on how this might relate to my post? Thanks!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
YAY!
In the first few months of my sobriety, when I had a craving, it was more on the emotional level. Stress and anxiety really ruled my existence and I would want to escape from it. I am thankful that I have not had a major craving in quite awhile (and now that I wrote that I surely hope it doesn't come on. I do believe in Murphy's Law!)
Drinking was in direct opposition to my core self. I just found myself in a habit that was destroying almost everything that I cherish in life. Its so good to be away from that. To be free of a drug that really clouded my existence. Good for you for recognizing and for taking action. You are doing this thing!
In the first few months of my sobriety, when I had a craving, it was more on the emotional level. Stress and anxiety really ruled my existence and I would want to escape from it. I am thankful that I have not had a major craving in quite awhile (and now that I wrote that I surely hope it doesn't come on. I do believe in Murphy's Law!)
Drinking was in direct opposition to my core self. I just found myself in a habit that was destroying almost everything that I cherish in life. Its so good to be away from that. To be free of a drug that really clouded my existence. Good for you for recognizing and for taking action. You are doing this thing!
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by Pureself
It's been a while since I've posted, I'm generally getting on pretty well. I go through phases of extreme cravings where the thought of drinking becomes obsessive but these phases do pass. I think ultimately time and the passing of time is the best healer.
I miss the anticipation of drinking but I don't miss drinking. When I play the tape forward I can see that every motive for drinking is purely a craving, it might be dressed up in a very clever disguise but once I analyse it I can see it is just a mind trick to get that drug into my veins.
When I look at all of my values, all of my hopes, dreams, morals, goals, I can see how drinking is in direct opposition to all of them.
The need/want to consume alcohol is a cravings for a drug. No different to nicotine, herion, cocain. There is no healthy level, no moderation. It is a drug that I have to quit.
Peace x
I miss the anticipation of drinking but I don't miss drinking. When I play the tape forward I can see that every motive for drinking is purely a craving, it might be dressed up in a very clever disguise but once I analyse it I can see it is just a mind trick to get that drug into my veins.
When I look at all of my values, all of my hopes, dreams, morals, goals, I can see how drinking is in direct opposition to all of them.
The need/want to consume alcohol is a cravings for a drug. No different to nicotine, herion, cocain. There is no healthy level, no moderation. It is a drug that I have to quit.
Peace x
But those thoughts rarely last long. Bad things happen if I drink. Me and alcohol don't mix.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Oh boy, the anticipation. I remember in my active alcoholism those days I wasn't quitting for good but particular days when I was not suppose to drink. Back before I knew what a big book was.
Middle of the work day and you name it, something good, bad, indifferent was a trigger and i needed a drink. All the good reasons I needed to stay sober for now would go out the window. As a functioning alcoholic I had to work during the day. Once I agreed with myself that after work I would get a drink I could finally relax and focus and finish up what I needed to do at work. Once I made that decision the switch had been flipped. In hindsight the longer I would have waited to drink the more mileage of happiness I would've gotten. Cause once I actually take the drink I am further down the road of misery. Even if skies are bright and sunny for the moment.
Once drunk much of the excitement of getting crack cocaine would be pulling into my development. Knowing i can now smoke crack. Knowing I am pretty much safe from the police or any dangers of the inner city. A place that just hit an insanely high murder rate last year. Glad I was here not there!
Every now and then. Especially when my elderly mother gets sick/injured and needs a couple weeks at an old folks place. I think, im 46 now but if I make it to 80 I'm just gonna drink myself stupid. Then I think maybe at that point, especially after decades by then of sobriety it will make no sense to die a drunk pig. OK who f'n cares, if it makes sense to drink in 34 years, if I'm even alive in 34 years, whatever. 34 years down the road has absolutely nothing to do with today.
That anticipation is the best a drink or drug can really offer! After that its a mess and I know it. The buzz is not going to be that great, it will probably get boring pretty quickly. One thing worse then being bored is being drunk and bored. Drunk and bored will be the tip iceberg. Then would come hungover, possibly hungover and arrested, hungover and career over, etc. etc. etc. Bottom line I'm not drinking today.
Middle of the work day and you name it, something good, bad, indifferent was a trigger and i needed a drink. All the good reasons I needed to stay sober for now would go out the window. As a functioning alcoholic I had to work during the day. Once I agreed with myself that after work I would get a drink I could finally relax and focus and finish up what I needed to do at work. Once I made that decision the switch had been flipped. In hindsight the longer I would have waited to drink the more mileage of happiness I would've gotten. Cause once I actually take the drink I am further down the road of misery. Even if skies are bright and sunny for the moment.
Once drunk much of the excitement of getting crack cocaine would be pulling into my development. Knowing i can now smoke crack. Knowing I am pretty much safe from the police or any dangers of the inner city. A place that just hit an insanely high murder rate last year. Glad I was here not there!
Every now and then. Especially when my elderly mother gets sick/injured and needs a couple weeks at an old folks place. I think, im 46 now but if I make it to 80 I'm just gonna drink myself stupid. Then I think maybe at that point, especially after decades by then of sobriety it will make no sense to die a drunk pig. OK who f'n cares, if it makes sense to drink in 34 years, if I'm even alive in 34 years, whatever. 34 years down the road has absolutely nothing to do with today.
That anticipation is the best a drink or drug can really offer! After that its a mess and I know it. The buzz is not going to be that great, it will probably get boring pretty quickly. One thing worse then being bored is being drunk and bored. Drunk and bored will be the tip iceberg. Then would come hungover, possibly hungover and arrested, hungover and career over, etc. etc. etc. Bottom line I'm not drinking today.
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Thanks for following-up, Pureself. I'm glad I caught your question, as it's easy for me to miss that sort of feedback (as set forth in my signature line).
My understanding of sobriety includes the proposition that there is such a thing as a "real alcoholic" and, in a nutshell, that type of alcoholic can't stay sober unless they commit to working all three parts of the A.A. program: (1) meetings, (2) steps, and (3) service. It's unclear from your initial post whether you are working such a program -- but if you're a real alcoholic (as I've defined) and you're not, then I consider it downright unloving to not at least try to warn you of the possibility that you might be trying to accomplish the impossible (i.e., trying to stay sober on something like affirmations).
Anyway, all the foregoing may be off base for all sorts of reasons -- but that's what I was trying to convey. In the end, it's just me sharing my experience -- which obviously may not be relevant to you at all. Happy to chat more -- though better if you PM me if possible -- cause, like I said, I'm not great at catching follow-up posts.
God bless!
My understanding of sobriety includes the proposition that there is such a thing as a "real alcoholic" and, in a nutshell, that type of alcoholic can't stay sober unless they commit to working all three parts of the A.A. program: (1) meetings, (2) steps, and (3) service. It's unclear from your initial post whether you are working such a program -- but if you're a real alcoholic (as I've defined) and you're not, then I consider it downright unloving to not at least try to warn you of the possibility that you might be trying to accomplish the impossible (i.e., trying to stay sober on something like affirmations).
Anyway, all the foregoing may be off base for all sorts of reasons -- but that's what I was trying to convey. In the end, it's just me sharing my experience -- which obviously may not be relevant to you at all. Happy to chat more -- though better if you PM me if possible -- cause, like I said, I'm not great at catching follow-up posts.
God bless!
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by novips
Thanks for following-up, Pureself. ... if you're a real alcoholic (as I've defined) and you're not, then I consider it downright unloving to not at least try to warn you of the possibility that you might be trying to accomplish the impossible (i.e., trying to stay sober on something like affirmations).
God bless!
God bless!
It’s nice to see you’ve joined here to practice step 12. But I believe stating ultimatums such as the above does not fly very well for many. According to you, millions of people have achieved the “impossible” over the centuries; way before the 1930’s. And there’s no reason to debate whether seriously addicted people have lost the ability to do it since the 1930’s. I know I am one of them who did not lose that ability, and my studies of alcohol and drug recovery history followed my becoming permanently abstinent.
I believe a pledge (an affirmation) to become a permanent abstainer is THE MOST EFFECTIVE and EFFICIENT method of ending any kind of addiction.
GT
I will never drink again!!
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Great job, Pureself. The AV is extremely sneaky in my experience, it often disguises the thoughts in nice emotional terms or subtle thoughts that I didn't recognize for a long time. I'm glad you have learned to recognize it and shut it down.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Pureself
The need/want to consume alcohol is a cravings for a drug. No different to nicotine, herion, cocain. There is no healthy level, no moderation. It is a drug that I have to quit.
Peace x
Peace x
BEELS already referenced this:
Consider how you feel when you change your last sentence to “It is a drug that I have quit.”
And consider why you didn’t state it that way to begin with.
GT
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Join Date: Jan 2021
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
According to you, millions of people have achieved the “impossible” over the centuries
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Originally Posted by novips
I believe you are misrepresenting what I said. I did not say the only way to get sober is via A.A. Rather, I said that my experience has led me to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic who can't get sober outside A.A.
I thought Pureself's original post was just a reflection on their current situation.
Anyway back to Pureself, Hi Pureself!
Well done on your 57 (58?) days?
It sounded like you're doing a great job, stay close and call on us if you need moresupport
Love Billy x
love
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Join Date: Jan 2021
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Originally Posted by Billymacintosh
[Y]our previous post.... sounded ... like an assumption that pureself might be using a recovery method like AA and if not, why not?
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Originally Posted by novips
Thanks for following-up, Pureself. I'm glad I caught your question, as it's easy for me to miss that sort of feedback (as set forth in my signature line).
My understanding of sobriety includes the proposition that there is such a thing as a "real alcoholic" and, in a nutshell, that type of alcoholic can't stay sober unless they commit to working all three parts of the A.A. program: (1) meetings, (2) steps, and (3) service. It's unclear from your initial post whether you are working such a program -- but if you're a real alcoholic (as I've defined) and you're not, then I consider it downright unloving to not at least try to warn you of the possibility that you might be trying to accomplish the impossible (i.e., trying to stay sober on something like affirmations).
Anyway, all the foregoing may be off base for all sorts of reasons -- but that's what I was trying to convey. In the end, it's just me sharing my experience -- which obviously may not be relevant to you at all. Happy to chat more -- though better if you PM me if possible -- cause, like I said, I'm not great at catching follow-up posts.
God bless!
My understanding of sobriety includes the proposition that there is such a thing as a "real alcoholic" and, in a nutshell, that type of alcoholic can't stay sober unless they commit to working all three parts of the A.A. program: (1) meetings, (2) steps, and (3) service. It's unclear from your initial post whether you are working such a program -- but if you're a real alcoholic (as I've defined) and you're not, then I consider it downright unloving to not at least try to warn you of the possibility that you might be trying to accomplish the impossible (i.e., trying to stay sober on something like affirmations).
Anyway, all the foregoing may be off base for all sorts of reasons -- but that's what I was trying to convey. In the end, it's just me sharing my experience -- which obviously may not be relevant to you at all. Happy to chat more -- though better if you PM me if possible -- cause, like I said, I'm not great at catching follow-up posts.
God bless!
Thanks for clarifying.
Whilst I appreciate you did indeed state that your post may or may not be relevant to me the fact is that you are presenting a theory. I personally completely disagree with the theory.
If by AA's standards I am not a "real alcoholic" then so be it, I am more than happy to not identify as a predetermined label. I also think this is a very clever tactic of AA whereby if someone achieves sobriety without subscribing to their programme then obviously they weren't an alcoholic in thr first place! I feel far more sober with 60 days under my belt than most people in AA with multiple years. Time is not the only governing factor in freedom from control.
The term alcoholic is actually extremely outdated, a bit like religion.
Peace x
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Thanks, Pureself -- and congratulations on 60 days! My proposition either applies or it doesn't. I try to be very clear about that when I carry this message. I personally kept relapsing for years -- specifically, from 1987 to 2002 (including after many periods of extended sobriety ranging from months to years) -- until someone presented me with this proposition and my inability to stay sober finally made sense. So, I try to pass that message on. But, again, if it doesn't apply then don't give it a second thought unless a time comes when it explains otherwise inexplicable experience. God bless!
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Congrats on 60 days Pureself. It is simply not true that if you can become sober, healthy and in long term recovery without AA, you are not a real alcoholic. Nonsense. Trust me. We are real alcoholics. Sobriety is something that needs to be attended to, there is no doubt. But not all non-AA efforts are merely "affirmations." That is a line that some in AA want you to swallow.
To be clear, AA has helped so many people I know, but it has also not worked at all for others. We have to find our own sober roads.
To be clear, AA has helped so many people I know, but it has also not worked at all for others. We have to find our own sober roads.
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