JamesW

It's been 26 days, really a bit more, that I have taken the bite between my teeth.

I simply can not allow the next twenty years to unfold like the twenty before, I honestly don't have the strength, nor do I want to die alone with a broken down body, and not a shadow of a former self.

Sleep and anxiety have been difficult, not all to do with alcohol, and I have drank at times over the last month. Not the way I used to drink, amount I mean.

Many times I have felt utterly alone, and found the site has given my strength.

My Doctor prescribed a meds that I started yesterday, anxiety way down, and hungry and sleepy, no bad thing in lockdown.
Unsure if I can say what they are here.

Surrendered19

Hi James. Every road to a sober healthy life is different. You can get there and get there your way. If you are still drinking some, you are on a precarious road though. That nearly always leads away from where you want to be. For the next 20 years to be different, we can't drink anymore, right?

stickyone

Congratulations on your days of sobriety. Don't get down on yourself counting the next 20 years in the future. It caused me alot of stress in recovery, I just do my best 1 day at a time. We all here have our up and down days. It gets better over time and when it gets bad. things can snow ball effect really fast. One of the few reasons to take it one day at a time. By carrying or holding on to those bad emotions of today to the following day will pretty much carry over to the next day then the next. Stay in the present moment my friend you are in control.

JamesW

I have returned to daily pages, just writing it down and putting it away, rather that text/phone rants lol.

SnazzyDresser

You're fighting the good fight there, JamesW! Good work on those 26 days, many more ahead for you. That daily battle to stay sober is what counts.

advbike

Keep up the great work James. It will be worth it! You are taking action in several areas, which is how we have to do it because of course it's more than just getting the booze out. I often get pulled down by bad thinking, codependency, and other traits and behaviors, so it all has to be addressed. But we can't fix anything if we are still in our addiction. You're fighting the good fight, man, as Snazzy said.

Onward, friend!

D122y

Climbing out of the strong physical/mental addiction was hell.

But, I could feel it getting better and better. I am heavily kindled and suffer PAWS and PTSD from my binge style drinking.

The hell I felt makes the amazing I feel most of the time now feel even better.

I still crave sometimes, and my addiction tells me I could get away with drinking again.

SR/AA taught me this would simply classify as a relapse.

We were not born to ingest booze. As soon as we drink booze, our body goes into poison expel mode. Knowing that makes staying clean easier.

Being a drunk is a learned behavior and can be unlearned.

Not doing something for a month makes it a forgotten habit. Physically, we are stronger. Mental things improve, but the brain is rewiring because there are parts of the brain that are gone forever.

You are on the meds and they tell me you are on them for good. Nothing wrong with that except don't decide to drink while on them. That leads to a worse hell on earth...so I have been told.

Suffering and time. There are links here, Dee and Anna post them frequently, on how to stay clean.

It is all about dopamine etc. There are ways to get this without booze. In time it becomes amazing. Folks call it a miracle.

Thanks for the therapy.

Dee74

Congrats on 26 days James - good to hear from you again

D