Really feel like a drink
 

Day 58 and I really feel like getting completely p!$$ed. I won’t, I won’t even entertain the idea of it, but it is how I feel. The reason is a lot of memory lane stuff happening and when I think of the past or certain memories come up, the feeling I get (sad? Nostalgic? Melancholy? None of these are perfect descriptors but you get the picture). I’m just feeling so sad yesterday and today. I know this feeling will pass, it always does, but going through it is it’s own unique brand of torture.

Sorry to bother you with this nonsense. I just know from the past if I didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling, eventually it would lead me back to drinking, and I am NOT going there again.

Thanks for posting, TheAten. I get sad too, when I look back and see how the years and decades went by as I continued my attempts to "moderate" my drinking, and as a result was unable to address my emotional pain and trauma, the codependency, and other issues I was smothering with daily drinking. The failed relationships that probably could have worked. The loneliness I experience now.

That's what really makes me sad.

Keep on the sober path, man.

Day 58 is great and I think you're going through what you need to go through in early recovery when a lot of stuff you've been numbing away is coming to the forefront. I'm glad you are getting through this.

Coming here and posting about it is the right thing to do, no question. And don't feel bad about having those feelings, they happen to all of us. Be proud that you did actually reach out for help and make a smart choice, that's exactly how you are supposed to go about it.

Thank you all, these replies really do help a lot. And I mean a lot. This is the kind of support I need, and I thank you so much for providing it.

Good work on posting and not drinking.
Nonsense? Far from it. It is real and obviously causing you pain so no way is it nonsense.

About 2 months in I had a day where Everything came rushing in, guilt, shame, regret the works. Man did that suck. I did like you and posted about it and received much support and worked through it.

One thing for sure, drinking will only add to the bad feelings. No need to fuel the fire. Like you said, it will pass.

Hi TheAten....Day 54 for me and between the paws, the depression and anxiety at times, I’ve thought about taking that drink and thinking...”just this once, to take the edge off”.

But I keep in mind how far I’ve come and how much further I have to go....Not worth the horrible days past.

Please keep it going and checking in here...We’d like very much to know how you’re doing :scoregood

Hope the sadness passes and you feel better tomorrow. I’m glad you’ve resolved not to drink on it TheAten - drinking on sadness is like pouring petrol on a fire...

D

The mental ups and downs are a real drag. Try and get some physical activity to get out of your head space.

Feelings aren’t facts walk thru it. It will pass

Rough times pass by quicker sober.

These things don't just pass by when you take a drink, they get worse. Every time!

Sorry to hear you are sad. I've often wondered why sadness even exists - probably to give us a contrast to truly appreciate joy and love, who knows. Not much advice to add because I've succumbed so many times to that urge. The only thing for sure is that we're less of a person the next day if we choose to run from feelings by drinking. Not that you can't be great again, but immediately after....we are lesser. So do we step back to not feel the pain / or to feel it more, or do we step forward and into the future which is open? For today at least, I'll step forward.

Hey TheAten,

Hope your feeling better today. It's a roller coaster ride. Your doing great and you sure ain't alone. I remember my day 58 was hell. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm at 515 days or 17 months. It gets better. I still have my days but I'm still recovering as well. Keep at it. Head up and all the best

Vinny