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Motivation

Old 02-19-2021, 07:39 PM
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Motivation

Hi SR family,
I'm in need of some motivation. I was doing better. I had cut down from drinking every single day to about 3 times a week, with the goal of quitting completely. I went from drinking 30 days a month (literally, every single day) to about 12 days a month. I was slowly working my way to quitting completely and I was very excited and motivated to do so. I knew I couldn't stop cold turkey. Then I posted about how I had finally seen a doctor after many years and, shockingly, my labs were normal. I had been terrified of this. But somehow my liver enzymes and associated tests were all good. I was completely shocked and was super grateful that my lab work had been normal. And it gave me such motivation to continue on. I knew I didn't deserve such good news.
Well, someone here misinterpreted my post as that I was boasting that my labs were good and they thought I said I was saying I could moderate my drinking. That was NOT the intention of my post, not by a long shot. I was so happy and grateful that my lab work was good and I was so motivated to continue onto sobriety. But that one person's post really effecting my thinking. Even knowing they were 100% wrong in interpreting my motivations, it effected me significantly. And eventually my drinking that had decreased by 70% from before, started to increase back to drinking every day again. I am so pissed that I let someone's incorrect assumption effect my own journey to sobriety and that I'm back to drinking everyday.
I wanted to be sober and I was feeling so good to continue with that until one anonymous person, who meant NOTHING to me, provided their half rate input about what they thought I was thinking. I should not have let this incorrect assumption effect me, but it did.
I'm just looking for motivation to get back were I was a month ago. I know I'm lucky that my labwork didn't show significant issues. But, that motivation I had before has just disintegrated.
I felt like I was in such a good place to really beat this ****, and stupidly I let someone's comment change my trajectory. Please know, when you reply to a post, that it has real implications.
I want to get back to the place where I was before I was shamed. I don't talk to anyone in my personal life about my struggle, so having someone on SR (literally, the only place I've been honest), essentially shame me was just too much. I wanted to ignore this interaction but, knowing my true intentions, this made me so mad.
How do I get the motivation back that I had before? I was so excited to continue on. And see what my life could be like. I felt like I was on a good path. Now, I have no motivation. That fight I felt before is gone. I truly want to be sober, but having had someone question my intentions has now changed my feelings go getting started again. I know I have the power to change, but when you are feeling very vulnerable and someone puts puts you down, it changes you. I hate that I let something like that effect me. I know I have the power to ignore that but this has been hard for e to let go.
How do I get started again?
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Old 02-19-2021, 07:47 PM
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Samantha
 
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I'm thinking if you can't cold turkey, it's because you're scared of withdrawal? Maybe get into detox or something and get it over with. Start fresh and get the alcohol out, maybe that would be easier than drinking 3 times a week?
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Old 02-19-2021, 07:58 PM
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Hi Miss Peaches
sorry you are drinking again, and I'm sorry you let someones post get to you...that pesky AV will use anything it can to get us to drink again.

Sometimes here you will find things that are super useful - and sometimes not.
Sometimes someone else may be having a hard day or sometimes something in your post triggers them to post in a certain way.
None of us are saints, yeah?

If someone is not helpful at all ever then you can use the ignore function and you'll never see posts by that person again..
Just click the persons name and access the drop down menu that way.

I think the really important thing here is to realise when your AV is using this thing and your reaction to it, whatever it is, to get you to think about drinking again.

We have to be better than that - because every day there are so many things we could drink over - people, events., feelings, interaction - we have to choose not to drink

I hope you can get yourself down to zero drinking ever because I think that's where the real repair and new beginning started for me.

You're better than what you're allowing yourself to be right now.

It all starts with a day one.
If you feel concerned about withdrawal so see a doctor for detox advice or supervision.

mags post here was pretty motivating for me

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ry-2021-a.html (When it’s so bad only a drink will do-what can I do? Weekenders 19-22 February 2021)
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Old 02-19-2021, 08:04 PM
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sorry to hear a comment resulted in a reaction of you losing motivation, MissPeaches.
i remember being hyper-sensitive and affected by stuff people threw out on a forum. and even now, after a good chunk of sobriety, sometimes an anonymous person’s writing in cyberspace can get under my collar.

so i have found it helpful to remind myself it is a forum, and part of a forum is different people expressing different takes on what we say. input from others is part of the nature and purpose of a forum.

so, knowing there is bound to be the occasional person or statement that entirely misunderstands or misrepresents me has given me a chance to practice dealing with that kind of stuff. why indeed should a comment on a forum be able to affect me so much that it changes my intentions, motivations, actions, thoughts?
good questions, and something that is well worth exploring, for me.
maybe it can be helpful to you, too?
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Old 02-19-2021, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by MissPeaches View Post
Hi SR family,
I'm in need of some motivation. I was doing better. I had cut down from drinking every single day to about 3 times a week, with the goal of quitting completely. I went from drinking 30 days a month (literally, every single day) to about 12 days a month. I was slowly working my way to quitting completely and I was very excited and motivated to do so. I knew I couldn't stop cold turkey. Then I posted about how I had finally seen a doctor after many years and, shockingly, my labs were normal. I had been terrified of this. But somehow my liver enzymes and associated tests were all good. I was completely shocked and was super grateful that my lab work had been normal. And it gave me such motivation to continue on. I knew I didn't deserve such good news.
Well, someone here misinterpreted my post as that I was boasting that my labs were good and they thought I said I was saying I could moderate my drinking. That was NOT the intention of my post, not by a long shot. I was so happy and grateful that my lab work was good and I was so motivated to continue onto sobriety. But that one person's post really effecting my thinking. Even knowing they were 100% wrong in interpreting my motivations, it effected me significantly. And eventually my drinking that had decreased by 70% from before, started to increase back to drinking every day again. I am so pissed that I let someone's incorrect assumption effect my own journey to sobriety and that I'm back to drinking everyday.
I wanted to be sober and I was feeling so good to continue with that until one anonymous person, who meant NOTHING to me, provided their half rate input about what they thought I was thinking. I should not have let this incorrect assumption effect me, but it did.
I'm just looking for motivation to get back were I was a month ago. I know I'm lucky that my labwork didn't show significant issues. But, that motivation I had before has just disintegrated.
I felt like I was in such a good place to really beat this ****, and stupidly I let someone's comment change my trajectory. Please know, when you reply to a post, that it has real implications.
I want to get back to the place where I was before I was shamed. I don't talk to anyone in my personal life about my struggle, so having someone on SR (literally, the only place I've been honest), essentially shame me was just too much. I wanted to ignore this interaction but, knowing my true intentions, this made me so mad.
How do I get the motivation back that I had before? I was so excited to continue on. And see what my life could be like. I felt like I was on a good path. Now, I have no motivation. That fight I felt before is gone. I truly want to be sober, but having had someone question my intentions has now changed my feelings go getting started again. I know I have the power to change, but when you are feeling very vulnerable and someone puts puts you down, it changes you. I hate that I let something like that effect me. I know I have the power to ignore that but this has been hard for e to let go.
How do I get started again?
Motivation for me is in fact my health. I was so excited when I got normal labs. Then my doctor told me a diseased or struggling liver CAN have normal labs. So normal on paper or not I'm not drinking.
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Old 02-19-2021, 08:43 PM
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MissPeaches, it was my comment on your previous post that sent you down into drinking again. I never meant to do that. I try to be honest in my comments and I was trying to do that when I responded to your post. I apologize for being insensitive to you. I truly wish I could take it back. I was trying to express my fear that normal medical tests could be counterproductive to sobriety but I obviously did not express that in a helpful or supportive way. I am deeply sorry for that.
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Old 02-19-2021, 10:05 PM
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Maybe I'm missing something, but tapering, which is the same thing as controlled drinking, doesn't work.
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Old 02-19-2021, 10:55 PM
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Motivation is a funny one. When I gave up
it was to win my wife over. Then it changed and was to deal with a difficult situation soberly. Then it was because I felt happier and wanted to build on that; and now, to be completely honest, it's just a habit. When things go wrong I don't think of drinking, that option is off the table.

I think you have motivation as you care enough to message this board, despite being miffed by previous experience. Is the motivation enough to stop drinking? I'd say it is, as giving up alcohol is not the cataclysmic, shocking, life-ending event I thought it would be (the earth kept on spinning when I stopped buying cider!!). But only you know that for yourself
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Old 02-19-2021, 11:07 PM
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I'm not even sure what motivation is or how to capture it. It maybe part temperamental and it may also be partly learned, but I'm pretty sure it can't be taught.

Only thing I got is to make a goal and pursue it. Motivation may emerge along the as a consequence of working that commitment.
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Old 02-19-2021, 11:37 PM
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MissPeaches I’m sorry you drank.
When I was trying to stop drinking (before I found SR) I would’ve thought I’d got a ‘Get out of jail free’ card if I’d had the okay on my liver or any other organs.

But that was just my mindset. I don’t think I was ready to accept I couldn’t drink anymore.

We all want the same goal, to be sober, but there’s not one way to fit all.

For me the only motivation I had was to say ‘I don’t drink anymore’. Then I had to find out how to do that because all my attempts had failed in the past.

But telling myself I didn’t drink was my first step to abstaining. Fortunately I found SR and read and read posts of people who’d been just like me. I realised people could stay stopped and also there was a better life after booze. I learned about the ‘tools’ I’d need to stay sober.

These tools got me through cravings and the addictive voice, and very much like a door key to a new house is relevant and precious to get into your home after a while, though it’s no less important, you don’t think about doing it.

My motivation was making the decision that I did not drink. My first steps was how to stay sober.
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Old 02-20-2021, 12:43 PM
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How’s it going MissPeaches?

D
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Old 02-20-2021, 12:47 PM
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I'm glad you came back and posted, Miss Peaches. Keep trying; don't give up on yourself. Look for other tools to help you. Have you tried online meetings yet? I don't consider myself an AA person, but I'm loving the Zoom meetings.
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Old 02-20-2021, 12:52 PM
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MissPeaches, I think a good way to start again would be to focus on you. If you focus on someone else or something else outside of you, it will always be distracting. I blamed outside circumstances for my drinking for a long time. Eventually, I realized there will always be things, and people, who upset me and it was up to me to focus on myself. That was my motivation. Don't let people or things affect your happiness in life.
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Old 02-20-2021, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19 View Post
MissPeaches, it was my comment on your previous post that sent you down into drinking again. I never meant to do that. I try to be honest in my comments and I was trying to do that when I responded to your post. I apologize for being insensitive to you. I truly wish I could take it back. I was trying to express my fear that normal medical tests could be counterproductive to sobriety but I obviously did not express that in a helpful or supportive way. I am deeply sorry for that.
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
MissPeaches, I think a good way to start again would be to focus on you. If you focus on someone else or something else outside of you, it will always be distracting. I blamed outside circumstances for my drinking for a long time. Eventually, I realized there will always be things, and people, who upset me and it was up to me to focus on myself. That was my motivation. Don't let people or things affect your happiness in life.
SR is a great place and everyone here shares there experiences they have gone through and with good intentions to help a fellow person in recovery. I know sometimes a comment from another person could make you feel down. But we must all look and see if there is some truth in what is being said. I have a had more than a few time where I felt like comments being said was just to troll. But to later realize there is much truth and has made me grow more than ever. But we all here are recovering and with multiple personalities from all over the world. There is alot of motivation here , just in my experience. Let's say I've been to other programs where tough love is it. But for motivation everyone is hot off the line , but after the motivation is gone thats when discipline and will power to get up and do what needs to be done. No self pity or blaming others. I still work on this every day and will continue if I want to enjoy the benefits of sobriety
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Old 02-20-2021, 02:38 PM
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Miss Peaches- From my own experience in real life people say and do things that are hurtful or offensive all the time. People are people.

Your sobriety is about you only. No one can stop you from drinking and no one can make you drink. I know you know this and stating the obvious probably is not helpful. It does sound like you are blaming someone and from an outsiders perspective there is no one to blame. Alcoholism sucks. It takes a lot of time. Its hard to get off the train once its going. Its best just to quit drinking and stop wading in and out of the waters. Its great you cut down but cutting down only lasts for so long. We always end up back to the same levels and then it increases from there.

This is 100% about you and your intentions, Miss Peaches.
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Old 02-20-2021, 02:47 PM
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I love the Stacey Solomon story of the last couple of days.

Internet troll wrote: 'I LOOOOOOVE watching you so much EVERYDAY you really do boost my confidence just by looking at your humongous teeth, your ugly faces you make constantly and not forgetting the highly irritating personality you have yourself.'

Stacey: 'Happy Thursday everyone! No one can make you feel anything without your permission. Don't give them your permission'.
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Old 02-28-2021, 11:00 AM
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That sounds a lot like me. I've been drinking almost everyday for a while now. I too went for the tests at family GP and all normal. My doc said at 6 foot 180 lb male you would have to be drinking a litre of spirits a day for many years to get anywhere near cirrhosis so I'm not worrying about that afsin, time to get a handle on the boozr for peace of mind instead.

All my life I've been extraordinarily sensitive to other people's comments/opinions etc. Almost like a boat on the waves, feeling I have no control over my reaction or feelings so you aren't alone.

I quit smoking 3 months ago (well it was vaping for last 4 years) after 100s attempts over the last 30 years. A wise old man once told me that I would either be ready to quit one day or I would not and it was wasting time and energy worrying in between.

Guess the motivation comes in waves and wfen the time is right we have a chance to change?

Hope you figure it out.

​​​​​
​​
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Old 03-01-2021, 12:40 PM
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Hi Miss P!
Tapering, especially over a long period of time, is essentially the same as attempting to moderate. It is misery. I’m not surprised that your brain seized onto something to justify a return to old habits.

The benefits of sobriety are best when experienced first-hand. One that I have enjoyed is I am now much better at letting things go. There’s a bunch of peace on this side of the fence, and once sobriety is established it is easy to guard it against threats since the benefits are boundless. The comments of others won’t carry the same weight.

Perhaps you could consider setting alcohol aside. It’s a decision that you’ve pondered for a bit...I hope you give it a go.
-bora
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Old 03-01-2021, 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Scd619x View Post
Guess the motivation comes in waves and wfen the time is right we have a chance to change?​​
Good question.

It was very rare that anything good ever came out of my waiting for the right time to do almost anything in my life. Waiting for the right time for me was the same as making no decision at all.

Following a three-year relapse that ended in 2011, I wasn't motivated to get sober until after I stopped drinking.

Sobriety is whimsical.


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