One Month Sober
 

I haven't been posting much. I'm still alive and sober. One month today.

I wish I had something positive to say. Really, I'm not enjoying sobriety. I take my Antabuse each morning but then I end up wishing I wasn't on it.

​​​​​I'm pretty depressed. Really, it's my fault. I've been indulging it. Lying in bed all day fantasizing about drinking. I'm going to relapse if I don't make some changes. It's 1am so now isn't the time to fix my life. But tomorrow is day 1 of my overcoming depression journey. Wish me luck.

I wish you well Freedomfries....I know how difficult early sobriety can be...

Hang in there :c005:

Was so pleased to see your name connected to a post FF. Thought about you often. Wonder how Freedom's going?

Congrats on one month Freedom.

Your fantasy about alcohol is an illusion. A bit like the fantasy I once had about "white wine in the sun" down the beach. Until I finished up arse up in the surf, drowning.

There is not one situation I can imagine that would be improved by alcohol. Even end of world scenarios, where I want to be sober to witness the collapse. 🌏 💥 👀 :)

Keep going Freedom.

Congrats on the first of many sober months! :) I suggest to shore up your sobriety that you start practicing gratitude every day. It did wonders for me and improved my whole life, really. :)

Here's an article about how being grateful can make us happier.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

Good luck!

Congrats FF on a month. Yea, we gotta concentrate on other thoughts and activities. I cook dinner for the wife and I most week nights and breakfast on Sundays. Installed a TV antenna and cut the cable company. Cleaned and rearranged my office... both at work and home. Just gotta look for other odd jobs to occupy time and the mind. My wife digs it.

I’m on day 49... dang, had to look at my watch and add up the days! Boy I’m really getting up there LOL!

Life is way better when you can sleep at night, think straight and make good decisions.

Glad to hear you're ok FF,

Antabuse won't help you enjoy life without alcohol and it won't stop those ridiculous fantasies - in my experience only building a sober life you love can do those things.

Some go to AA or another meeting based method, some find things like Rational Recovery work, others see doctors, counsellors or go to rehab, some find religion...some folks have other mental/physical issues to deal....and some just work out where and who they want to be and set out on the journey.

as always wishing you well man :)

D

In an hour I’ll be done with day 31. Longest I have gone without booze in maybe 10 years. Worst problem I have now is gas. I know TMI.

IDK your history but for me and others decades of abuse will take much longer than 30 days to heal. My liver doc said it would be years for someone with fatty liver and fibrosis to get better. And that would include maintaining a healthy body weight, no booze, a healthy low fat diet and exercise.

Same for your brain, nervous system, other organs and general mental health.

Like they say in AA you need to put the work in to get there. If you haven’t been to any AA zoom meeting try some.

It gets better @freedomfries!:grouphug:

What about doing something for someone else? Any volunteer programs where you are? Too much time and self-focus easily leads to relapse.

Have you considered looking for work and helping your parents financially? There is nothing like hard work to help us to feel a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

I think you might have it wrong about the depression, FF. It's NOT your fault. That's what depression does. It sucks the life out of life and the whole point of it is to make you not want to do anything. Sure, lifestyle changes certainly help, but I think you need more than that - from what you wrote it sounds like you are severely clinically depressed. I would urge you to go to your therapist or psychiatrist and really be honest with them about how you're feeling; if they don't help you then you need to find new doctors.

You don't have to feel like this anymore, FF. You can deal with the depression/other mental health issues and really start gaining the benefits of sobriety.

It's good to hear from you, FF and that you're alright. I hope you can find some ways to improve your depression. Simply getting up and doing something will generally begin to make you feel a bit better.

Sorry to hear of your depression, but glad you're sober. It does sound like you're unmotivated because of it. Do you have any interests besides drinking? Like being in a relationship? Owning a home? Or travel, hobbies, helping others, nature, etc? What motivated me for a good part of my life was to find a way to make a living so I could have the experiences and things I wanted in life. Yeah, I drank way too much to quell my social anxiety, but I also wanted to be independent and have a life, so I worked hard to achieve it. You can have whatever you want really, if you put the alcohol out of your mind, start imagining a future full of happiness, and figure out the best way to achieve it..

Did you have access to f2f peer support pre Covid Freedom?

Hope you're ok. Just don't drink, and you'll be ahead by a country mile.

I think it says a lot that you came here and posted instead of giving up. Please hang around here it helped me tons! Try checking in on the 24 hour recovery connection every morning to remind you who you are and you can't drink. I have done that for a long time and it really helped me. Best wishes for you on you journey!

Thanks for all the replies. Some helpful stuff.

Hi FF. 30 days is so great. I'm sorry you are feeling unmotivated.

One of SR's more wise members - doggonecarl - posted a typically smart post about what you are feeling on a similar thread. I post it here and attribute it to doggonecarl:

"As long as you continue to romance alcohol and equate it with having a good time, you are going to struggle. If you feel sobriety is depriving you from enjoying yourself, you are going to struggle. If you feel sobriety is a punishment, you are going to struggle.

You are right. Sobriety is a mindset. It's also a lifestyle. To live a sober life, you have to love your sober life. I have no tips for attaining that except to carefully study the lies your addiction is telling you about enjoying life without drinking and how difficult it will be.

I had a long list of things I enjoyed doing, loved doing, when I drank. Once I was sober, I realized that what I loved was the drinking, not the event, and sober I just didn't do a lot of them anymore. I found new things I did enjoy, without the drinking."

- doggonecarl -