3 Years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
3 Years
Technically, it's February 21st. But my coming and going here is quite sporadic so I thought I'd go ahead and make the post while I was here.
3 years. Unbelievable when I stop to look back. On Feb 21st, 2018 I was in a jail cell after driving my car into a utility pole. Facing bankruptcy, debt to my eyeballs, all the typical messes and broken hallmarks of a dysfunctional relationship with booze, and with myself. I still vividly remember the day I posted here and still have a sense of the flat out desperation I felt then and the intimidation of the mountain I had in front of me.
I think the most valuable things I received from this place was the validation that I wasn't some sort of monster or freak. That so much of what I was experiencing - someone else had been there, done that. Knowing I wasn't alone in my despair was enough to get me through.
Another valuable thing this place gave me was the ability to express in an authentic way what I was experiencing. So much of day to day life and relationships either expect or require that we sweep stuff under the rug or keep important things a secret. That to risk confronting things for what they really are is to risk alienation. And in the fairly fragile and sensitive state I was in then I just didn't have the strength to deal with that. So I could come here and be real about it all. So much relief in that.
I'm on the verge of making a major career move now. I consider it the last really major - mostly material - aspect of my life that needs to change/ that wasn't changed as a result of finding bottom 3 years ago. I've kept things in my professional life largely intact for practical reasons while damn near every other aspect of my life changed (for the better) dramatically. So yea, now it's time to let go of this last big piece. I'm terrified to be honest. So much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do for a living...and has been for so long. I don't really have any answers for what's next but I'm finally ok with that too. I think allowing myself to let go of all that I have so that I can embrace being sober is allowing me to be ok with dropping into life like a pebble in a lake and letting the ripples just kinda go where they will. So much of who I've been in the past was about a need for control and security - often at the price of trusting what I am, in fact, a decent and capable person that can make it in this world.
Waxing a bit poetic. Perhaps a bit nostalgic and emotional.
I do not mourn or miss my relationship with alcohol. I think I know a little now about some of the reasons for it. Enough to continue forward and be free of regrets.
Being sober is pretty awesome.
Thanks SR.
-B
3 years. Unbelievable when I stop to look back. On Feb 21st, 2018 I was in a jail cell after driving my car into a utility pole. Facing bankruptcy, debt to my eyeballs, all the typical messes and broken hallmarks of a dysfunctional relationship with booze, and with myself. I still vividly remember the day I posted here and still have a sense of the flat out desperation I felt then and the intimidation of the mountain I had in front of me.
I think the most valuable things I received from this place was the validation that I wasn't some sort of monster or freak. That so much of what I was experiencing - someone else had been there, done that. Knowing I wasn't alone in my despair was enough to get me through.
Another valuable thing this place gave me was the ability to express in an authentic way what I was experiencing. So much of day to day life and relationships either expect or require that we sweep stuff under the rug or keep important things a secret. That to risk confronting things for what they really are is to risk alienation. And in the fairly fragile and sensitive state I was in then I just didn't have the strength to deal with that. So I could come here and be real about it all. So much relief in that.
I'm on the verge of making a major career move now. I consider it the last really major - mostly material - aspect of my life that needs to change/ that wasn't changed as a result of finding bottom 3 years ago. I've kept things in my professional life largely intact for practical reasons while damn near every other aspect of my life changed (for the better) dramatically. So yea, now it's time to let go of this last big piece. I'm terrified to be honest. So much of my identity is wrapped up in what I do for a living...and has been for so long. I don't really have any answers for what's next but I'm finally ok with that too. I think allowing myself to let go of all that I have so that I can embrace being sober is allowing me to be ok with dropping into life like a pebble in a lake and letting the ripples just kinda go where they will. So much of who I've been in the past was about a need for control and security - often at the price of trusting what I am, in fact, a decent and capable person that can make it in this world.
Waxing a bit poetic. Perhaps a bit nostalgic and emotional.
I do not mourn or miss my relationship with alcohol. I think I know a little now about some of the reasons for it. Enough to continue forward and be free of regrets.
Being sober is pretty awesome.
Thanks SR.
-B
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Congratulations on your 3 yrs of continuous sobriety/recovery. 
I do understand the honesty part and recall those I listened
to, sharing their own experiences, strengths and hopes of their
own personal journeys in recovery.
With willingness, openmindedness and honesty or was it,
willingness, honesty, openmindedness or, honesty first,
openmindedness and willingness?
H.O.W or W.H.O or O. W, H. ?
In not any particular order, honesty from what I heard
often, came in last and was the same with me after quite
a few years sober.
I continued to incorporate what was taught to me as a
guideline in achieving success in my own recovery and
sobriety keeping an open mind and willingness to do
what was and still is necessary to remain sober, healthy
and happy and yet, i held onto not being completely
honest as to not wanting to hurt another.
In much prayer I was finally guided into taking proper
action to avoid hurting someone else. In doing so, another
door was opened for me and before long I experienced
a freedom I had not experienced before in my life.
A gift in life and sobriety that I am grateful for. Once I
received this blessing and gift, I haven't had the need
to be dishonest or to hurt another while continuing on
my own personal journey in life and recovery for some
30 yrs now.
When you are ready, honesty will fall into place and
will be achievable just like so many before you have.
I do understand the honesty part and recall those I listened
to, sharing their own experiences, strengths and hopes of their
own personal journeys in recovery.
With willingness, openmindedness and honesty or was it,
willingness, honesty, openmindedness or, honesty first,
openmindedness and willingness?
H.O.W or W.H.O or O. W, H. ?
In not any particular order, honesty from what I heard
often, came in last and was the same with me after quite
a few years sober.
I continued to incorporate what was taught to me as a
guideline in achieving success in my own recovery and
sobriety keeping an open mind and willingness to do
what was and still is necessary to remain sober, healthy
and happy and yet, i held onto not being completely
honest as to not wanting to hurt another.
In much prayer I was finally guided into taking proper
action to avoid hurting someone else. In doing so, another
door was opened for me and before long I experienced
a freedom I had not experienced before in my life.
A gift in life and sobriety that I am grateful for. Once I
received this blessing and gift, I haven't had the need
to be dishonest or to hurt another while continuing on
my own personal journey in life and recovery for some
30 yrs now.
When you are ready, honesty will fall into place and
will be achievable just like so many before you have.
Thank you for your message of hope. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Huge mf'ing congrats brother. And by brother I mean someone I am proud to call my family on this path that we have walked together to save ourselves. Your story, your strength, honesty and perseverance emboldened and inspired me. If anyone needs to read a story of hard-won and deserved redemption - yours is worth exploring on these boards.
Thank you for being an example. Enjoy the life you have given yourself. Although tragedy, pain, suffering and frustration don't magically go away, you can finally work at having the life you always wanted to achieve. It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Thank you for being an example. Enjoy the life you have given yourself. Although tragedy, pain, suffering and frustration don't magically go away, you can finally work at having the life you always wanted to achieve. It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Congratulations on three years Buckley!! I remember your first post as well, and how resolved you were to get sober and make changes. I’m really excited for you to take this next step with your career.
❤️Delilah
❤️Delilah
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