GoodLife32

I have had enough of the craziness, and as of today I am committing to being clean and sober. I had 90 days sober previously, but I cracked during the Holidays.... Since then I have been drinking 3-4 nights a week, getting wasted, and occasionally using cocaine. I have never been a daily drinker, but I felt myself going down that path..... The next few days will be the hardest, but once I get about 10 days sober, I start feeling real good again, and it becomes easier.... I just can not drink responsibly. 2-3 beers turn into a 3 day bender complete with cocaine. I can't go on living like this.

tomls

I am with you! I found it very helpful to check in every morning on the 24 hour sobriety connection thread. I reminds me of who I am and I can't drink. Best wishes.

Izzyak

To goodlife32,
I understand what your going through. I have recently been getting worse with my drink and coke habit. I'm on day 3 and I have realised I can't have 1 drink because it leads to binge drinking and coke use, under up spending load of cash and getting wasted. I'm craving both right now and I'm not feeling great at the moment. I need to BREAK this cycle of addiction, really break it.

Izzyak

I never really used coke on its own so I'm hoping if I don't drink I won't start. Withdrawals for me are really bad as I've been taking substances for some time. I started as a casual user but the Last 5 months I've gone completely off track. Stay strong.

Anna

Goodlife, I'm glad you're back and determined to be sober. You can get through the next few days and then begin to feel better. We're here for you.

novips

I could not stay sober till I realized I'm a real alcoholic and what that means, which for me is that there's only one path of sobriety for me and that's the A.A. recovery program. Once I had this realization, the following "Step 1" instructions laid the foundation for my 18+ years of sobriety (I've been posting these a lot -- but I have found repetition to be a big part of recovery):

1. Get on my knees every morning and every evening, asking "God" [use whatever label works for you] to keep me sober in the morning and thanking "Him" [ditto] for keeping me sober when I go to bed. (Importantly, this does not require me to believe anything. I can be an atheist and follow this instruction.)

2. Attend 90 A.A. meetings in 90 days (i.e., a minimum of one meeting per day for 90 days).

3. Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting whatever jumps out at me (I've felt like that, thought that, or did that).

4. Call my sponsor every day. (This, of course, requires me to have a sponsor -- and I was told to get one that knows where each of the Steps is set forth in the Big Book and makes working them central to their program.)

5. Get a home group and a service commitment. (Either here or in connection with one of the prior instructions I frequently get the response: "That's hard!" Of course it's hard -- but don't confuse hard with impossible. As the Big Book says: "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid.")

Another couple of relevant quotes:

"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not."

"We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit ... as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny."

GoodLife32

Thanks for the reply. I have never once done cocaine when drinking was not involved, and I never crave it sober. However after 5 or 6 beers, it is all I can think of. All I know for sure is that if I do not have that first drink, there is no chance of myself going on a coke bender

Izzyak

Coke and alcohol go hand in hand. People I've known in the past always drink then do coke. Myself I definitely crave drugs when sober, honestly it's just got worse because now I have to deal with cravings for both aswell as withdrawals, depression, anxiety. The more I did the more depressed I started to feel. Its hard staying clean but I must do this for my own goals. Don't wish to live like this anymore. Theres way more to life then wasting it away.

Izzyak

You mentioned you've been 90 days clean, that's excellent. Last 5 months I couldn't go without, ever 5 days I'll drink and take gear, but I was trying to self medicate with lower doses of both just because I couldn't face the uncomfortable feelings of cravings and withdrawals. Im dreading it as we speak I know We all can get sober. 1 day at a time.

Hevyn

GoodLife - That was the hard thing for me - admitting it could never be 'just one'. Wasted years trying to prove I could use willpower to control what I drank.
Congrats for making the decision to reclaim your sobriety. We know you can.

Dee74

Glad you made it back GoodLife
where to from here?

D

GoodLife32

Same with me.... I feel good when drinking/using, but ultimately leads to awful depression for next few days after. On top of that, I am capable of doing ANYTHING when I am drunk and high.... No limits at all.

GoodLife32

Thanks Dee... First things first I need to get a bit of sober time, in order for my brain to start thinking correctly... It usually takes me 1-2 weeks to being able to think correctly.. After that I am going to develop a plan.... Get back in the gym, start going to AA. Most of all just not drinking

CaliButterfly

In my case, the fallacy has always been that I can have "just one", even after countless relapses. A saying was mentioned in my AA meeting a few days ago that deeply resonates with me. Insanity Is That First Drink. Not any one after that, because if you don't have that first one, you can't get drunk, or in your case, go on a coke bender. And we all know as alcoholics, that after the first one, nothing else matters. That quote is now my mantra.

CaliButterfly

You can do ANYTHING when you're sober too; the high just gives you the confidence, but with terrible side effects. Believe in yourself...

least

I'm glad you're back and committed to a sober life.

Izzyak

Same with me.... I feel good when drinking/using, but ultimately leads to awful depression for next few days after. On top of that, I am capable of doing ANYTHING when I am drunk and high.... No limits at all.

Sounds just like me, I've got myself into countless problems due to alcohol/drugs.
I honestly thought I could self medicate and lower my dosage, it doesn't work because the brain will crave more and more, tolerance builds up. In the end I had nothing to show for myself, I lost my self worth, depressed and lonely. It's a horrible habit and writing this to remind myself first and foremost.

GoodLife32

Here is the start of day 2 for me... Did not have cravings yesterday as I was suffering from the initial hangover. However I woke up today with the usual post bender depression..... I know that it will get better in a few days, but it is so tough trying to get there, I just want to go to sleep for 48 hours, and sleep through the next couple days.....

Izzyak

I'm feeling the same, I just want to sleep through the whole process of withdrawals and cravings. Sometimes hard to switch off my head when I'm craving. It's best I go for a walk or do somthing just to forget or ignore it's there.

GoodLife32

Day 3 for me and I am starting to feel a wee bit better... The depression has lifted a bit, but still tired and very unmotivated...... I am still very committed to remaining Sober