JamesW

A fellow alcoholic told many years ago that he was a "people pleaser", I found that interesting. But decided that I was not, the fictions we tell ourselves.

Another friend asked once, when will we stop trying to "appease the Gods", that I agreed with her on.

I seem to believe that if I give, people will like me, but it seems, predators read that in your makeup very easily.

End up giving to wrong types I guess. That hurts, I like to think I'm big and butch with street smarts, Ha

fish19

ya I'm the same, I want people to like me. its funny how I change my personality around different people.

advbike

Yeah.. tell me about it.. anxious, introverted, codependent, people-pleaser here..

No wonder I liked to have "a few". It worked for awhile actually.

JamesW

Adv

Think you hit the nail on the head there, I always a dose of spirit, whiskey, vodka, Brandy....to face life lol

advbike

Right. I drank like a fish in the early years to cope, it was crazy. I eventually shook off the worst of it to keep my career intact, but continued to drink consistently for decades longer. Would have been so much better off if I had just quit when I first knew it was a problem. In sobriety I've been able to work on a some of those personality traits and issues.

Erica375

Had (past tense) a boyfriend who told me, "You're the nicest person I ever met. In fact, you're TOO nice."

Believe me, if I ran into him now, he would not think I was "nice." In fact, I'd probably run OVER him. 😂😂😂

Anna

Yeah, I was a people-pleaser all my life, long before I began drinking. Of course, somewhere along the way, I completely lost any sense of self. Learning to say 'No' in early recovery was one of the most liberating things I've ever learned.

RecklessDrunk

I think a lot of us Alcoholics are out of balance.

A lot of stuff is built into the human brain for survival. Anger, fear, hunger, a need to reproduce. We tend to take some of these things to unhealthy levels.

We've evolved from tribes. We are naturally a pack animal from our primitive roots. To some extent we needed to people please to survive. We needed to hunt together and defend ourselves from wild animals or other tribes together. It would be a death sentence for primitive man to get kicked out of the pack and have to survive alone in the jungle.

We let these built in instincts take over.

A lot of what I try and do in meditation is let all of that excess fear go. I want just enough fear not to walk in front of a truck.

I think getting rid of the alcohol is only the beginning of trying to get back into balance. Some sober time definitely does help ease the anxiety but it's only the beginning.

Surrendered19

That seems to be so common among us addicts James. I spent so much of my life telling people it was only sprinkling when they were pissing right into my ear. I wasted so much energy in my life on trying to please people. And the heck of it is, they end up being displeased and losing all respect for us anyway. I think you are right too about peoples' dark sides and the predators out there being able to spot that and prey on it.