Flynn84

I met a guy during the pandemic that was staying in his family's vacation home, so it's not his permanent residence. He told me I was the sweetest woman he'd ever met. He was always coming over to hang out and wanted to fix things for me. He said, "You don't understand. I don't do things for people" and "I really like you. No, I really like you." Things were going well between us until I found out about his addictions. He kept saying he was drinking too much, but I found out he was doing cocaine. When I questioned him about it, he told me he'd been using on and off for a year. I'm sure that means I've been using for a year...I got very upset with him, found out he'd been to rehab once before, and he went back home shortly after. I let his parents know what happened. He had taken me to a drug deal, and I know his mental health was deteriorating.

Five months after he had gone home I got a very strange feeling, and he showed up on my doorstep unannounced a week after. He wanted to go to breakfast together, to hang out, to cook dinner for me, go shopping together, and to fix some things in my home. I felt like he was love bombing me, but we never did any of the things he proposed we do. I didn't know if he was sober or not, so I went over to talk to him and did all of the normal nice things I would do like take him soup when he was sick. His parents had taken his phone and wallet away, so I left him a few notes. Then he called yelling at me saying to never contact him or his family again because I'd sent a text to his dad. I wanted to talk to his dad about something completely unrelated to him. My family talks through things and doesn't yell, so I wasn't having it. I know it was alcohol or drugs talking. His dad and I are super cool and talk often. I haven't spoken to him for three months or so now though. I saw him one day when I was with my parents. We didn't speak, but he stared at me the entire time he walked by. Then he became visibly agitated by my presence and left for home two days later. His dad claimed he was having health issues.

I have gone about living my life, but once in a while I can't help but think about him and wonder if he's getting the help he needs. I haven't talked to his dad about it because I feel like it's a family issue. Any advice to help me truly get him out of my head?

Flynn84

Sorry. I posted this in the wrong category.

Dee74

Hi Flynn

you're a newcomer and you are very welcome here in this forum

Its hard for some of us to get over people, even when we know those people just aren't right for us, for various reasons.

Someone in active addiction will always involve you in a love triangle - them, you and their addiction.

There are lots of avenues for your ex to get help if he wants it. It's not your responsibility, Flynn

D

fish19

RRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNN keep running , When you catch your breath keep running. Forrest Gump pass him . Usain bolt he's not that fast go go go. listen to your gut. you are better than this . do not underestimate yourself and settle .

fish19

Sorry Flynn84, That may have sounded harsh, It sounds like this is a guy you have just met, if this is the drama already in your short relationship? I would have doubts. I suffer from low self esteem , and settle for people who give me attention, mostly bad. .Its funny how we think the people who are most exciting, outgoing, fun ,partying ,show us attention, are the people we want to be with. You are better and so am I

C0ntr0ls

Walk fast, oh hell run down the road and don't look back. He won't stop until he's ready no matter what he's told.
Speaking from my past.

Good Luck.

Flynn84

Thanks everyone! I know it is not healthy for me, which is why I haven't contacted him and ignored him. I know he's trouble and in the thick of it. I've never done drugs, and I told him they are not a part of my life and never will be. I also have gone on dates and continued about my life. Is it normal to still wonder about him though? It's weird and just hits me out of nowhere.

doggonecarl

I think it's normal to think about people who are part of our life, even when we are moving beyond that person. But it is good to look at it. There may have be some unhealthy components to your relationship, perhaps in want to save or rescue him, or a hint of co-dependence.

lifewithart

If anything, after one year of continued sobriety if you ARE actually interested in him, maybe entertain the notion. However for now, i agree with fish RUN FOREST RUUUUNNNNN!
I know this isn't easy, but addiction is an ugly beast, but he won't step out of it until he is truly ready. Usually a rock bottom of sorts happened first unfortunately.
All the best,
Art

Anna

Sure, it's normal to think about people who have touched your life in a meaningful way. I'm sure there are nice memories that you have of time you spent together. But, staying away is the best thing to do right now. I suspect that you will think of him less as time goes by.

Flynn84

I don't think there was any co-dependence or trying to rescue him because we cut off communication once I found out he was using. I know he has to do get clean on his own and be his decision to do so.

I do think that there was initially some regret on my part because when I was sick with strep I gave him some cash to get me soup, crackers, and Sprite and he wanted some beer. He came back empty handed and said he'd forgotten his ID, so he didn't even get the beer...supposedly. I asked for my $30, and he said he left it in the car. I am sure he bought drugs with it. I didn't know he was on them at that point, so I can't fault myself for it.

advbike

Wow. Unbelievable. Glad you got out of that.

Flynn84

I'm glad that I'm out too!