JamesW

I'm being pulled into two directions, to drink because I think it will numb the pain, I drank yesterday, and three beers today, and to aim for a calmer future.

We are in lockdown here in the UK, trying to distance myself from friends who use, What I drank yesterday and today is very mild for me, know that's not the point.

I trying not to think of my ex. but isn't avoiding the pain, why I'm an addict ?. Just don't know how to deal with all this stuff alone.

Anna

Ah, James, I'm sorry about your ex. Breakups are always painful and it usually just takes time for the pain to ease. I don't think the point is to not think of your ex in order to avoid the pain, but rather to know that you can feel the pain and sit with it for awhile, and you'll get through it. You'll get used to it.

Are you planning to stop drinking today? I hope so.

Dee74

In a very real sense you're not alone tho James - you have a lot of support to call on here

For me staying sober boiled down to putting more effort into not drinking than drinking.
Its not easy but it is simple

That can be as simple as posting here instead of going to the pub or the off licence again.

We have a February support thread you're very welcome to join - all you need to do to join is post.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-pt-1-a-3.html

I know you're not into AA but there are other methods around - have you tried SMART for example?

D

2muchpain

Sadly, numbing the pain doesn't get rid of the pain. I'm sure you already know that. Drinking eventually just adds to the pain you are already dealing with. Sorry about the problems you a dealing with about your ex. I had a messy breakup some time ago. Went on a major binge cause the pain was awful. Just lead to a dui. Luckily I had family that stepped in and helped me. Ended up in a long term hospital stay. Really helped a lot. Not sure how things would of gone if I had to deal with it alone like you. Do you have any family or friends that can help you through this? If not, good therapy might help. Also, I was involved in an out patient program that dealt with all kinds of problems. Being around other people that understand what your going through might help. Posting here and letting people know what your going through would help you a lot. Losing a loved one is like losing part of yourself. Finding a way to fill that hole takes time and help. Stuffing that pain will never end up good. Wishing you well. John

D122y

With the lockdown and folks out of work, sometimes it can seem like the only way out is to escape into the world of drugs (booze).

The addiction will tell us that, but education helps me stay clean.

I know that booze alters my brain in negative ways. It causes me to desire it to feel good because of the euphoria, but then it causes my body to stop creating natural happiness feelings (dopamine, endorphins etc).

That is where all the strategy comes it. How to stay happy while not drinking.

Things like gratitude, exercise, helping folks, projects etc etc etc. That is the way towards a normal life.

Normal folks just don't sit around all day staring out the window. They have routines. Even if the routine is 10 hour or more of TV, it is still a routine.

The routine becomes life without drinking.

It is a lifestyle change. We don't quit drinking. We become non drinkers. We develop a lifestyle that doesn't include booze.

After this amount of time clean, it is working for me. I still crave. It is a crazy feeling because it lurks in my emotions.

Every cell of my analytical mind knows not to drink, but my emotions want it. Like a baby wants candy.

Hope this helps in some way.

Thanks.

FiveTries

I don't know how to deal with my stuff alone. I don't know how to deal with my stuff with help. I'm honestly more afraid of reaching out for help than I am of going it alone. Makes no sense but there it is. Hope you are alright James.

lifewithart

You have found yourself to the right place! Stick around and you may clear up some of these questions

Surrendered19

You aren't alone James. We are here with you. You don't need to figure it all out tonight either. All you need to do is stay sober.

Dejvice

FWIW, even reading this or any other posting on this website can change your mindset / help / make you think etc.
Sorry about your ex.

Things look bleak right now but rest assured things can and will get better with sobriety. You will discover a whole new different meaning of the word freedom. Tho you have to work at it, sobriety is not easy 'to get', it's not given to any of us gift wrapped, if it was then there wouldn't be any problems with alcohol. The number of times I had a 'mild' day I was so pleased with myself that I only drank three or four beers only to end up drinking 10...12...15 beers a day within a matter of days and then just not caring about myself or those around me plus it is enjoyable at that time, you feel all good, invincible, no problems, nothing hurts.......then later... early next morning WHAM BAM!!! the guilt and shame after coming of a bender, the loneliness trying to look in the mirror, the wretched feeling inside and no matter how many times / how long you take a shower you still don't feel right......only until you drink that first cold beer then things reboot again and you think everything will be ok its just one beer. Time to break that cycle and start making / creating a calmer future

Dealing with it? For me this site helps a lot just reading, also exercise and being really grateful for what I have got when things get to a bit of low point. That works for me.

owen90

You're not alone, James. I tried moderating 2/3 beers a time for the past 6 months and it almost ended in a nasty accident after I allowed myself more than 2/3 beers a few times. The decision to be sober is the more difficult choice but you need this man. It is really tough, and it's hard to find the motivation but you know you need this to better yourself and your life and all of us are here with you.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

I suggest that you join the February 2021 sobriety class. That community of people starting their own sobriety journey might be very helpful.

When I joined a monthly group several years go that was an important component of my recovery.

JamesW

Thanks Zebra, sounds like a good idea. still trying to navigate this site, not very techy.

How do I find the groups ?

Regards

James

Zebra1275

It's on the first page of this forum, Newcomers to Recovery.

It's titled "Class of February 2021 Support Thread Pt 1."

Just click on that thread, post something like "hey guys, I want to join you" and you will be in.

Anna

Here's the link, James:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-1-a.html

JamesW

Thank you Anna