JamesW

No excuses, this ain't my first rodeo

I went to see my friend today, he is a recovering heroin/crack addict,

I really don't do judgement, only God in heaven can. We had tea, a chat, I was telling how great it was to wake without panic.

He took from the draw, heroin and crack, and start using, I said I needed to go home, I'd left my bird flying freely, they would eat my houseplants.

I needed to get away

Drank today

novips

You might be a real alcoholic/addict. The only solution I know of for one of those is the program of recovery offered by Alcoholics Anonymous. Here are the instructions I was given at the start of my journey (I've been posting these a lot -- but I have found repetition to be a big part of recovery):

1. Get on my knees every morning and every evening, asking "God" [use whatever label works for you] to keep me sober in the morning and thanking "Him" [ditto] before I go to bed for doing so.

2. Attend 90 A.A. meetings in 90 days (i.e., a minimum of one meeting per day for 90 days).

3. Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting whatever jumps out at me (I've felt like that, thought that, did that).

4. Call my sponsor every day. (This, of course, requires you to have a sponsor -- and I recommend you get one that knows where each of the Steps is set forth in the Big Book and makes working them central to their program.)

5. Get a home group and a service commitment.

"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not."

Anna

Hi James, I'm sorry this happened.

JamesW

Nobody's fault but mine
no excuses
I drink when I drink.

Don't co-operate with the blame game. My Man beat me, my body hurts ?

I got fell off my bike when I was twelve................yeah yeah

It's 'cause I'm adopted, half Jewish and Irish, Queer living in England !

Man up, I drank 'cause I wanted to drink

As Scarlet, says, and that woman liked her Brandy

Tomorrow is another day

Surrendered19

I'm sorry that happened James and I'm sorry you drank, but you can get things sorted again.

There are many ways to achieve sobriety and have a healthy recovery. AA is one that many I know have used, but the AA model doesn't work for many others. These things don't need to be exclusive either. The important thing is to make a plan that works for you and that you can stick to. Your toolbox should include how to handle what happened - seeing that a friend you thought was in recovery pull out the works and start cookin.

Don't sweat this too much. Can you dump your supply and start again?

JamesW

Thank you

I need to separate myself from people who actively use, my poison is Alcohol.

Need to allow myself to be alone, find, eventually positive, not negative friends.

Sounds very Californian lol

But the Irish insist "We build America " they also say a few other large Countries, Hay Ho

JamesW

Thank you so much for replying

I have been in AA, a few times, simply doesn't work me,

But thank you for your kindness

stickyone

You taking responsibility is good. Now time for action. all those needs you listed needs action behind them to get the ball rolling. You will lose alot of friends and can be a lonely path in recovery. I say this because it's good to be prepared. Some of us walk this path with others which does not make them weak individuals. Just a little more support from the beginning. For me it's been a lonely path because of the people I let in my life. but the new friends I meet along the way has been invited into my life because they bring a passion and contribute to my recovery. Keep going

JamesW

Thank you, Friend

Surrendered19

Stickyone makes a really good point and one that was painful for me at first. You do lose some "friends" or, rather, you find out who your real friends are and who really loves you. I have fewer people in my life now that I am sober (and because I acted like such a huge a$$hole when I was drinking), but my relationships now, although fewer, are of a much higher quality. The people who love you don't care, at all, what liquid is or is not passing your lips and your sobriety will be of almost no personal importance to them. They just want you to be healthy and they love you regardless. I also noticed that with the loss of some of those social circles - which I really grieved by the way - comes relief in the long term.

From this day forward James, you be discerning about who you let into your inner circle. Us addicts have no good boundaries and many of us, whilst acting foolish, surrounded ourselves with other fools. You'll be so much happier.

MythOfSisyphus

I don't do AA either, @JamesW but find something that works for you. AVRT has worked for me. There are lots of roads that can take you to sobriety; pick one and stay on it.

JamesW

Thank you, that helped, even though I knew I will have to loose my circle.

I have been taking comfort in the idea of my Friend Suna, a Lady about my age, very beautiful inside and out, A Turkish Tailor, came here (UK)about eight or nine years ago, for a better life,

Owns her shop, her home, and kisses me in the street. No addiction, 3 Marlboro a day lol

I can phone her, but I won't, knowing I can is enough.

JamesW

Need to read that book again, also a friend many years ago, gave me, "don't let the ba......... get you down'

Let's be frank, most of us know how to fight, now I just need to fight for me

Mizz

We do "weed" out our friends when we become sober.

Sobriety can mean changing ones entire life. Friends, hobbies, places.... etc. I dont have many people in my life that I call "friends." I think I have TWO real close friends. Tis all.

In order for me to obtain sobriety, I needed a concrete structured plan for my days. Each hour was "filled" with something productive that did not involve using alcohol. After enough days of this "structure" I was able to relax into my new life. I still uphold that structure because I am a creature of habit and it is working. I am sober.

You can do this. You can be sober and happy with your life. One moment at a time.

Dee74

Yeah I had to do that. It was tough but I look back and I'm glad I did it.

D

Hevyn

JamesW - we're with you on this journey. I'm glad you wanted to tell about what happened. You didn't have to.
The last time this happened to me was the last time I drank. I think I needed to see how miserable it made me feel - one final bit of proof.
Glad to have you with us - let's continue to figure this out.

Khorhey

I didn’t like AA. and didn’t get AA at all when I tried in person meetings a few years ago. Post covid I was desperate and tried again doing zoom meetings. 2 or 3 a day for a couple weeks. Just listened. Now I feel like it is helping me and I understand it.

Still have a long way to go.

Give it a try.

https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/

JamesW

I went to AA, for almost three years.

I am Irish Catholic/Jewish, live in England, also Gay. I found AA too Dogmatically Protestant. Simplistic answers to very complex problems,

Many things I learned I still hold dear, but my culture teaching me to ask why ?

I really don't need to believe everything some Doctor said in 1933.

Dee74

Lets not get into bagging or defending certain methods.
People are free to share what worked for them - and you're free not to pursue that route James

Like I said there are other secular approaches if the meeting based style appeals to you.

http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/
https://lifering.org/

The big advantage now is most meetings are Zoom so you don't even need to leave home.

D

Delilah1

Welcome back James.