Not happy to be here
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by FiveX 
I figured out that I really don't want to stop drinking. But I have to stop drinking due to health issues.
I am depressed and not expecting that life will get any better. This is a time I wish I didn't have children so I could go ahead and die. I just couldn't kill myself and ruin their lives.
I don't want to drink myself to death either. One of my friends did that a few years ago. He died alone on the street. I remember the look on his kids faces at the funeral. So sad.
Every time I fail at this sober life I get angry that I have to be all or none. I can't have a beer with friends on the weekend?! No wine on a date night?
Take alcohol away from me and all that is left is stress. Marriage stress, work stress, parenting stress, health stress, money stress, and chores. I don't know how you long time sober people do it. I don't have any hobbies or stress relievers besides drink. My sober social life is non-existent.
So let me try this again haha. I got some beers last night with a friend. Had a good time.
Now I need to stay sober. Day one again.
I am depressed and not expecting that life will get any better. This is a time I wish I didn't have children so I could go ahead and die. I just couldn't kill myself and ruin their lives.
I don't want to drink myself to death either. One of my friends did that a few years ago. He died alone on the street. I remember the look on his kids faces at the funeral. So sad.
Every time I fail at this sober life I get angry that I have to be all or none. I can't have a beer with friends on the weekend?! No wine on a date night?
Take alcohol away from me and all that is left is stress. Marriage stress, work stress, parenting stress, health stress, money stress, and chores. I don't know how you long time sober people do it. I don't have any hobbies or stress relievers besides drink. My sober social life is non-existent.
So let me try this again haha. I got some beers last night with a friend. Had a good time.
Now I need to stay sober. Day one again.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by FiveX
Later this week I have to go get on a plane sober. Its going to be a challenge.
You can do challenging things.
I used to carry a small notebook and a pen around. Whenever I felt like drinking I would make a list of the five worst things that would happen if I didn't drink. I found it an absurdly simple (yet highly effective) way to take the alcoholic living in my brain out of the driver's seat.
Happy Travels!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
From what I've read so far, I think you're giving it a solid shot, Five.
I think we all wish or have wished at some point that we could go back to the "fun" days of drinking before things got out of hand. I sometimes with I could have one drink with dinner or a glass of wine or whatever, but I know it's not really what I want. I drank to get ****** up and by the end I stopped pretending like I ever did it for the taste or to have fun. As others have said, I think it's okay to say you don't really want to stop and it's okay to mourn something. Alcohol was an abusive partner to me, and I needed time to get over that.
I will also say that sobriety isn't the sole reason life gets better. It's a tool that allows you to better your life to the best of your ability because you are clear headed, healthy, and are able to focus on what really matters. Much of what I've been able to accomplish over my two years of sobriety I never could have done while drinking. Life is better, not just because I stopped drinking, but because I stopped drinking and figured **** out. I guess I'm just saying this because you're right; life doesn't just get better when you stop drinking, but it sure as hell doesn't get worse, and you have the tools to make it better for yourself.
Keep checking in with us here. Make a plan to stay sober that will help you navigate events/thoughts/feelings. The first year of sobriety can be a rollercoaster of good and bad, but there's something kinda beautiful about finally living life on life's terms (or whatever they say in AA). All we have control over is ourselves and how we react to and deal with the things thrown at us. I believe you can do this, and I do believe that things can get better and not seem so bleak. Just hang in there each day and soon they will start to add up.
I think we all wish or have wished at some point that we could go back to the "fun" days of drinking before things got out of hand. I sometimes with I could have one drink with dinner or a glass of wine or whatever, but I know it's not really what I want. I drank to get ****** up and by the end I stopped pretending like I ever did it for the taste or to have fun. As others have said, I think it's okay to say you don't really want to stop and it's okay to mourn something. Alcohol was an abusive partner to me, and I needed time to get over that.
I will also say that sobriety isn't the sole reason life gets better. It's a tool that allows you to better your life to the best of your ability because you are clear headed, healthy, and are able to focus on what really matters. Much of what I've been able to accomplish over my two years of sobriety I never could have done while drinking. Life is better, not just because I stopped drinking, but because I stopped drinking and figured **** out. I guess I'm just saying this because you're right; life doesn't just get better when you stop drinking, but it sure as hell doesn't get worse, and you have the tools to make it better for yourself.
Keep checking in with us here. Make a plan to stay sober that will help you navigate events/thoughts/feelings. The first year of sobriety can be a rollercoaster of good and bad, but there's something kinda beautiful about finally living life on life's terms (or whatever they say in AA). All we have control over is ourselves and how we react to and deal with the things thrown at us. I believe you can do this, and I do believe that things can get better and not seem so bleak. Just hang in there each day and soon they will start to add up.
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Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
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Makes total sense to me dpac.
I will keep checking in here definitely.
I have failed at this enough times to not be getting cocky but I am feeling much better about the idea of staying sober. I think mostly because I no longer feel like I'm physically dying.
Nonsensical I like the notebook idea though I am horribly inconsistent with things like that. I started a workout journal in January and ashamed to say I don't know where it is now.
This whole thing will be a test of doing challenging things for me. Dealing with emotions. Sober. All the time? That's scary.
I will keep checking in here definitely.
I have failed at this enough times to not be getting cocky but I am feeling much better about the idea of staying sober. I think mostly because I no longer feel like I'm physically dying.
Nonsensical I like the notebook idea though I am horribly inconsistent with things like that. I started a workout journal in January and ashamed to say I don't know where it is now.
This whole thing will be a test of doing challenging things for me. Dealing with emotions. Sober. All the time? That's scary.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Emotions can be scary for sure. I agree with that.
I admire your honesty with getting sober. I mean, I was attending AA in the beginning and saying to myself, "No one wakes up and says I think Im going to go to Alcoholics Anonymous just for ******* fun. What a perfect way to spend my evenings" ....It became a safety net for me though. I really didn't want to. I had to. I had to stick with a plan and see it through no matter the emotions, mood or anything that happened. A lot happened in the early days too. Eventually the meetings were not a chore. I no longer attend but it was necessary and helpful then.
Its the same with working out in the beginning. No one likes it initially. Its hard. Its sucks. It makes everything sore. Eventually it becomes what we do. I look forward to running everyday. I look forward to weights. Its not a chore. Its a gift now.
Keep on moving forward. You are doing this, Five.
I admire your honesty with getting sober. I mean, I was attending AA in the beginning and saying to myself, "No one wakes up and says I think Im going to go to Alcoholics Anonymous just for ******* fun. What a perfect way to spend my evenings" ....It became a safety net for me though. I really didn't want to. I had to. I had to stick with a plan and see it through no matter the emotions, mood or anything that happened. A lot happened in the early days too. Eventually the meetings were not a chore. I no longer attend but it was necessary and helpful then.
Its the same with working out in the beginning. No one likes it initially. Its hard. Its sucks. It makes everything sore. Eventually it becomes what we do. I look forward to running everyday. I look forward to weights. Its not a chore. Its a gift now.
Keep on moving forward. You are doing this, Five.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,537
Originally Posted by RAL
I do SMART meetings. Def worth a look into imo.
I will have to check out an online meeting.
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Join Date: Oct 2020
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Originally Posted by Mizz
"No one wakes up and says I think Im going to go to Alcoholics Anonymous just for ******* fun. What a perfect way to spend my evenings"
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Originally Posted by FiveX
Dealing with emotions. Sober. All the time? That's scary.
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Join Date: Oct 2020
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Posts: 1,537
I went on the flight. Sober.
OMG I was so glad I didn't drink at the airport though because no booze was served on the plane. I'd have died.
Probably caught seven strains of covid but I am still alive and stll sober.
OMG I was so glad I didn't drink at the airport though because no booze was served on the plane. I'd have died.
Probably caught seven strains of covid but I am still alive and stll sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by FiveX
I went on the flight. Sober.
OMG I was so glad I didn't drink at the airport though because no booze was served on the plane. I'd have died.
Probably caught seven strains of covid but I am still alive and stll sober.
OMG I was so glad I didn't drink at the airport though because no booze was served on the plane. I'd have died.
Probably caught seven strains of covid but I am still alive and stll sober.
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