HigherDrunk

Firstly I'm going put my situation into some context... I'm a 25 year old white male 6'0" 240 LBS. I've had a drinking problem for the past 3 years... I'd usually binge drink cheap vodka 4-5 nights a week 7-10 shots per night. At the very end of last year I got really drunk one night and foolishly decided to drunk text an ex I haven't spoke to in 2 years. To my surprise she responded to my initial text and throughout the night we both exchanged texts with one another until like 8 (AM) that morning. So I began drinking at around 10 (PM) the night before and stopped at 8 (AM) when I emptied the bottle. Drank a whole fifth (17 shots) of caliber vodka during that period of time. After I ran out of vodka I decided not to look at and respond to anymore texts from my ex until I was able to get a hold of some more liquor. I had a doctors appointment later that day so I decided to hold-off on the drinking until after the appointment. After the appointment I bought another 5th of caliber vodka and drove back home. Unfortunately for me my parent's came back early from a holiday vacation so I had to wait until they both went to bed to drink some more. My mom finally went to bed at around 1 (AM) and so that's when I started to drink. I thought I'd have more fun and be less anxious if I waited to get really drunk to start texting my ex and so that's what I did.... I don't remember anything after my 7th shot. Don't even remember texting my ex that night. All I remember is one moment I was in the basement taking shots and the next moment I woke up in my bedroom on my bed. When I first woke up I kind of freaked out because I thought my parent's may have found out I was drinking, but luckily for me they never caught me while I was in my drunken state. I went down in the basement to clean up any mess I may have made and to my horror I left the vodka bottle and shot glass out in the open for all to see. I must have forgotten to hide it while I was blacked out. Luckily my parent's hadn't gone down to the basement that morning so they never knew what happened. I noticed about 3/4th's of the bottle was empty... so I must have taken a total of 11 shots that night. So... a total of maybe 28-30 shots of vodka in a 24 hour period of time. Not good....

Anyways the story as to why this happened isn't the point of this post. The whole point of this post is to see whether or not l may have ****** up my brain by drinking almost 2 fifths of vodka in such a short amount of time. Ever since that day I literally cannot think the same... especially when it comes to forming coherent sentences in my head. I used to be a master at it and didn't have to think twice whenever I'd write something or text someone. But now I can't seem to properly form sentences in my head like I used to or even sometimes find the correct words to say... Also I've noticed a lot more mistakes in my writing in general... like missing words, repeating words and also I'd jumbled up my words to the point where they don't make much sense. (I had to re-read this post at least10 times, fixing errors every time for example) When I first started to notice something was wrong with my cognition I decided to quit alcohol cold turkey. My intelligence is one the few things I value most in life and I can't stand to think that I may have shot it because you can't get very far in a job if you're a dim-wit. I haven't touched a drink ever since that day (so about a month ago, though I have had a couple instances where I relapsed to help me sleep last time I actually consumed alcohol was on the 9th) and I feel like the problem is still there and honestly it's been making me very depressed... living with the reality that I may have shot one of the very few skills I have just scares me ******** and I don't know how I could cope like this the rest of my life. I think about this all the time to the point where I can't even sleep some nights. I saw a neuropsychologist last Monday and had some tests done. The test results haven't been finalized yet but the doctor told me that I should be able to restore most of my cognitive function with abstinence from alcohol. He also tried to reassure me that I didn't do any permanent damage to my brain from the 24 hour binge that I mentioned in the beginning of my post. Though (and l really wish l would have empathized with him on this some more) I feel like I may have... I literally can't think the same as I used to. I've been taking vitamins and supplements and been exercising 4-5 times a week since sobriety because I heard that helps regenerate new neurons in the brain...... and still no difference. :'( I mean it hasn't been all doom and gloom though.. I noticed my concentration and memory has improved slightly since being sober... So that's good I guess, though that's not the main worry I have when it comes to my intellectual abilities. The one thing I'm most worried about hasn't improved and I don't know if it ever will. The doctor I saw was fairly new to his practice so I don't think he was a very reliable source for information... Does anyone here have any similar experiences with drinking binges such as mine? Have you drank so much in such a short amount of time that you never felt the same again? Thank you for taking your time to read this. Any reply or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Anna

Welcome, I'm glad you posted. It's good that you've talked to your doctor and gotten information from him. I think if you are still very concerned then you should go back to him or perhaps try for a second opinion with another doctor. This comment means that you are still drinking, though you have cut back. "I haven't touched a drink ever since that day (so about a month ago, though I have had a couple instances where I relapsed to help me sleep last time I actually consumed alcohol was on the 9th) " The best thing you can do right now is to stop drinking completely. Hopefully you will feel an improvement over time.

HigherDrunk

I've completely stopped drinking after the 9th. I only drank during those occurrences because it was really the only way I could put myself to sleep. Though, I learned that drinking actually makes your sleep problems worse. Since completely stopping my sleep has improved greatly. Before I was only getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night. Now I am currently getting around 6 and I can fall asleep on my own now.

Erratic

omg, i dont actually have sleep probs, i can sleep all the time regardless of drink or sober. love what u posted u sound like me last time i knew is yes u are ****** up ur brain, take b9 thiamin helps. sry cant say more as im me and a *** up x sry x

Obladi

Hi HD,

First off, I'm glad you've joined us. This place is chock full of understanding, support, and good advice. SR has been a big part of my recovery story, and while I think I may have been able to get sober without, I'm sure that it was better because of the company I found here. I hope you'll stick around to read, think, write and share.

My brain used to do the same things as yours is doing. There was a constant tug of war raging in my brain, "Drinking gives me _______ that I never have sober." It was different thoughts than your, but almost a kind of magical thinking about the good things that happened when I was drinking. On the other side of the equation was my waking feelings - physically ill, often embarrassment or confusion about what had happened the night before. It was its own special little hell, that battle in my head. And then it got worse.

Your "although" disclaimer is a bit of denial, as Anna very gently pointed out. The number of days sober isn't as important as is your acknowledgement that you have touched a drink several times since that day a month ago. Doesn't matter what the rationale is - it's just facts.

My thinking was very scrambled while I was drinking and did get worse for a time when I got sober. I also suffer from anxiety, so that just served to make things more difficult. I think that may be where you are now - in that panicky in-between sort of state: "Have I ruined everything? Is there no help for me?" No, you have not ruined everything and there is most definitely help for you. Most of us have found that it wasn't the amount we drank that was the problem - it was what happened as a result of that drinking. I don't cotton much to "how bad was it for you" pissing contests, but in the spirit of trying to offer you reassurance, I am a 58 year old woman, considerably smaller than you physically, who regularly drank a fifth of vodka daily, sometimes more. A year after quitting the drink, I notice that my brain cells are back in fine working order. The change happened gradually, but was noticeable starting around three months of sobriety.

I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty certain that complete abstinence from alcohol will restore your faculties completely. Working on your inner workings in addition to your physical health would likely help you to come back better than before.

O

Surrendered19

Hi HigherDrunk and welcome to SR. First thing is that you shouldn't second guess your Doc. You seem to be looking for information from Dr. Google that will scratch your confirmation bias itch. I would trust your Doc and he seems to be right if your symptoms are abating by your own report.

The other thing I suggest is that any cognitive issues caused by excess alcohol consumption were very likely caused by doing that over time, not just one night. Just about every person on this site has probably been on some grand mal benders like you had and the results can be very scary. Experiences much like that are when many of us quit for good. But I think that when our bodies go to heal, we are healing from the months and years of abuse to our minds and bodies - not one night.

Anyway, it is great that you are here. I would stay away from Dr. Google and give yourself some time to heal. It might take a while and you need to be patient with yourself. Despite your fear of cognitive decline, you are obviously an intelligent person and you are showing wisdom WAY beyond your years getting this thing figured out at such a young age.

HigherDrunk

Thank you for your response. Though, I think you may have misinterpreted what I meant when I say I can't think clearly. Never when I drank did I think I was smarter than when I was sober. I just drank because it made me feel good and helped me sleep, not because I thought it made me more intelligent. Not even in the slightest. Also.. do you mind elaborating for me how your thinking was "very scrambled"? Were you experiencing any of the same symptoms as I? The inability to express your thoughts? The not being able to think coherently and constantly making mistakes in your writing? Anyways thank you for your insight and response.

Mizz

Welcome! Congrats on your sober time.

I hear a lot of anxiety in your post.

It really doesn't sound to me like you have caused irreversible damage, but I am just a person on a recovery forum giving an opinion. Your doctor has given you his medical advice/ opinion. It sounds like for reassurance you may need a second opinion. You have taken all the right steps to remedy the situation and now I think its about time and patience waiting for the results. I can become "worried" about things and that "worry" will take on its own life and then its off to the races. Not saying you are doing that. Most of us have wondered if we have caused irreversible damage to ourselves in one way or another.

I hope you stick around. Keep posting. reading. participate. Its a wonderful community.

SnazzyDresser

Blackouts and impaired thinking are gonna be the least of your problems if you keep drinking like that. You're gonna be deader than dead and that'll be it. Time to change your way of life, bigtime, and like yesterday or sooner. At least this crisis should provide some clarity (hindsight wisdom that is) for you to see you need to get sober.

If you want some reassurance about the specific type of brain damage you've inflicted on yourself so far, we aren't doctors. Control what you can control going forward, and for you the giant portion of that is to never ever drink alcohol again.

HigherDrunk

I actually did some extensive research on what kind of problems alcohol abuse can have on the brain before I saw my Doctor. Even though I did get have to use Google for most of my sources, most of the information I attained were through reliable government run websites that posted medically backed research. The syompthis I've gotten from them is that cognitive decline can happen with excessive alcohol abuse during a long period of time. So you were right there, the one night binger wasn't the main cause of my problems, though I feel like it was the "straw the broke the camel's back". Like I've stated in my original post... I just can't seem to think like I used to after that day. I wish I could be more precise and explain to you what I mean.... but it's a very difficult thing to explain for some reason. It's so odd... I didn't even wake up with a hangover after that initial night, though my brain has definitely experienced some type of 'blow'. It's very odd and very scary at the same time. l guess the main thing l'm looking for from posting this thread is if anyone can share any similar experiences such as mine where after one night of heavy drinking changed their thought process for good, just Iike mine did.

Surrendered19

You don't need to be more precise in what you mean. We all know EXACTLY what you are going through. It isn't vague or hard to get your arms around. You are explaining it just perfectly. I just think you might be wrong about some of the medical diagnosis and your doc might be right.

Steely

Hello HigherDrunk.

If you continue drinking at the level you describe you will finish up with brain damage. Sorry, but....

I'm glad you've stopped because this will DEFINITELY help turn things around. The brain has a wonderful ability of being able to repair. But not ongoingly.

Binge drinkers often cause more damage to themselves because we hit ourselves with an onslaught, as opposed to steady state drinking.

Have you been receiving B12 shots from your doctor? It's standard practice to have this done, so please see your GP and ask for it. I've had them, many here would have too.

It's a good sign that things are starting to turn around and I believe things will continue in this direction. But if you continue to consume vodka at the levels you describe you are putting yourself at grave risk of permanent brain damage.

Please see your GP about B12 shots. Did your neurologist offer it to you?

Apart from the damage alcohol can cause to our brain, many of us drink so we can talk to people on phone/text, etc. Social anxiety. It's not a good way to live, and ultimately fails because no one wants to talk with us anymore.

You will regain the ability to talk and engage with people in sobriety. It's working for me.

Please stop drinking. You are only young and can turn this around.

HigherDrunk

It really doesn't? Even after reading the symptoms I described in my original post, you don't think I damaged my brain even slightly after that one day bender? I guess you can't really say for sure because you are just a person on a recovery forum giving an opinion after all... My Doctor said the same thing as you, but I do feel I did do something though. Otherwise I wouldn't have spent a hour of my day making this post. I guess the main question I'd have to ask myself is the damage I may have done to my brain reversible. Hope it is... it's been almost three weeks since the last time I consumed any alcohol and the struggles are still there unfortunately, though people do say it can take up to 6 months to a year to fully recover. Here's hoping I do with time.

Obladi

You're quite welcome. I think in turn you may have misinterpreted my words. I never thought I was more intelligent when I drank, but I did sometimes think things happened (such as your amazing text conversation) only because I was drinking.

My thinking while I was a drunk (even when I was technically sober) became something like an out-of-focus version of my previous self. The most vivid example I can think of is the day I found myself simply unable to handle a complex problem at work. The challenge was likely a difficult one because that's in the nature of my work, but my thought process hit a log jam. I'd never experienced that before, and it was frightening. In general, for the last year or more of drinking, communicating verbally - in person in particular, but in writing as well was terribly frustrating. I couldn't access the words I needed which was particularly disconcerting because I put great store in using accurate language.

I hope that helps to clarify how it was. And no longer is.

O

Mizz

And the tests you took? Are you waiting results? Your answers will be there.
Time is a great healer.

Mysteryman

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What do you want to hear? That you haven't caused yourself brain damage by drinking so much in such a short space of time? Nobody here as far as I know is qualified to say whether you have or you haven't. In all liklihood, Id be amazed if you havent caused yourself some damage. It might be reversible, it might not, but chugging vodka like its going out of fashion certainly wont help.
The best thing you can do is stop worrying about it and stop drinking. Not much else you can do. There is no magic pill or words anyone can say on here that will fix anything.
Maybe you weren't as smart as you thought you were to begin with anyway!
But so what.
Good luck in either case.

Steely

That's a bit unkind Mysteryman.

None of us were all that "smart" when it came to drinking alcohol.

Mizz

This person is very concerned and it sounds like some intense anxiety to me.
Will you please be a bit kinder to our newcomer, Mysteryman?

Steely

Was thinking how well you had composed your post HD. This is a good indicator.

And even though you had to proofread and correct, you were able to do so. Another good indicator.

Rock on, HD.

Mysteryman

Yeah that was kind of my point :p