Paws/ arbd month 7
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Join Date: Dec 2020
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Paws/ arbd month 7
Improvement? Maybe. But tiny little bit. As in: things are not tótally meaningless when I look at them. Eye correction movement with far sight disappeared. I make coping strategies. Choose simple tasks. Don't make it hard on myself.Good things: I finally quit eating rubbish. I eat traditional simple food, but not if I can't stop eating like diary or harms me like gluten or excites me like chocolate. Now day 5. And I'm more spaced out than ever. But it gets worse before it gets better..Also..I'm avoiding negativity. Nice improvement. And I'm becoming very easy going. If you have seen hell then things become quite relative. But I'm scared because I'm dependent. I'm stuck till I can think again. Hoping...Also good: I m not on birth control anymore ( which was necessary before drunk for precaution...) I'm not interested in pregnancy, but its part of becoming real and I embrace the waves it brings and it feels good. More alive.
You know what's the scariest thing? That I'm fully aware of my time-blurred cognitive impaired zoned-out drunk but not drunk status. I look at myself but can't change it, can't tell if or when it's going to end. And really nobody I know really understands it so it's a very lonely road. Thank you I can share it here. I keep on going..
Me
( sober since 29 June 2020)
You know what's the scariest thing? That I'm fully aware of my time-blurred cognitive impaired zoned-out drunk but not drunk status. I look at myself but can't change it, can't tell if or when it's going to end. And really nobody I know really understands it so it's a very lonely road. Thank you I can share it here. I keep on going..
Me
( sober since 29 June 2020)
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
It is a very lonely road MeSober77. 
I have PAWS benzos and know the hell you are describing. Benzos and alcohol work on same gaba receptors and for some of us can produce terrible symptoms post withdrawal. And unless you have experienced it no one really understands.
I didn't (even) use benzos in large quantities, but for some of us they can be devastating. I reckon they're evil, and I rarely use that word, if ever.
I can only encourage you to keep going MeSober, because it does get better over time. It has been very slow for me, but it IS improving.
Like you, I learned to take things slowly. Just about anything would ramp my CNS. I learned this the hard way. I had problems with my eyes, ears, gut, muscles, MIND, derealisation, depersonalisation, you name it, I had it. And still am to a degree. Anxiety is still a problem. Irrational fear. Terror, sometimes. Though this is abating.
I'm getting better. You will too. Don't give up whatever you do.
Keep hanging in MeSober. It'll pay off in the end.
I'm really sorry you have experienced PAWS. No one gets it, which makes it so hard. I get it, Me. Truly I do.
Congratulations on 7 months. Well done.
I have PAWS benzos and know the hell you are describing. Benzos and alcohol work on same gaba receptors and for some of us can produce terrible symptoms post withdrawal. And unless you have experienced it no one really understands.
I didn't (even) use benzos in large quantities, but for some of us they can be devastating. I reckon they're evil, and I rarely use that word, if ever.
I can only encourage you to keep going MeSober, because it does get better over time. It has been very slow for me, but it IS improving.
Like you, I learned to take things slowly. Just about anything would ramp my CNS. I learned this the hard way. I had problems with my eyes, ears, gut, muscles, MIND, derealisation, depersonalisation, you name it, I had it. And still am to a degree. Anxiety is still a problem. Irrational fear. Terror, sometimes. Though this is abating.
I'm getting better. You will too. Don't give up whatever you do.
Keep hanging in MeSober. It'll pay off in the end.
I'm really sorry you have experienced PAWS. No one gets it, which makes it so hard. I get it, Me. Truly I do.
Congratulations on 7 months. Well done.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Thank you Dee
Thank you Steely. So we hang on together. Good plan. Glad I always refused meds prescribed, felt not right. And I informed myself. My God if you take a look at review sites of those drugs!!! Only took Alprazolam to self organize my last detox...Max 2 weeks. Already then it was tempting..the easy sleep..But after the two weeks I got rid of them. Thanks for your reply, some understanding is very very welcome. Hopefully next update gives more light. In the meanwhile.. Well, just play looots of easy Sudoku rewiring ourselves and be grateful at least I know: GOOD NEWS: IT WILL NEVER WORSEN!
Take care, Me
Thank you Steely. So we hang on together. Good plan. Glad I always refused meds prescribed, felt not right. And I informed myself. My God if you take a look at review sites of those drugs!!! Only took Alprazolam to self organize my last detox...Max 2 weeks. Already then it was tempting..the easy sleep..But after the two weeks I got rid of them. Thanks for your reply, some understanding is very very welcome. Hopefully next update gives more light. In the meanwhile.. Well, just play looots of easy Sudoku rewiring ourselves and be grateful at least I know: GOOD NEWS: IT WILL NEVER WORSEN!
Take care, Me
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 2,601
Congrats on your sober time 
If you are not interested in pregnancy then maybe birth control is a must. Nothing worse than an unwanted pregnancy and all the trauma that it will bring. I don't think it's a game to be played.
If you are not interested in pregnancy then maybe birth control is a must. Nothing worse than an unwanted pregnancy and all the trauma that it will bring. I don't think it's a game to be played.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Now we're giving birth control advice. 
MeSober, hang on. Time is definitely your friend. It took me many months of continuous sober Time before I felt normal. I can tell you that it is so worth the process and the effort. I can say that I'll never go back there because it was so uncomfortable that I don't want to ever do it again. There's value in suffering, just my opinion.
We're here, keep posting.
One day at a time, lovely. That's all you have to do.
MeSober, hang on. Time is definitely your friend. It took me many months of continuous sober Time before I felt normal. I can tell you that it is so worth the process and the effort. I can say that I'll never go back there because it was so uncomfortable that I don't want to ever do it again. There's value in suffering, just my opinion.
We're here, keep posting.
One day at a time, lovely. That's all you have to do.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
You are doing really well and I am glad you posted.
I do think I experienced PAWS with my last go round of sobriety and unfortunately I relapsed. I dont know though? That time was filled with some really intense stuff. I also think I could of experienced PAWS a bit ago but I like to THINK about a lot of things and sometimes that is not helpful for me
Keep on keepin' on. Its sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I commend you for it.
Have a good weekend.
I do think I experienced PAWS with my last go round of sobriety and unfortunately I relapsed. I dont know though? That time was filled with some really intense stuff. I also think I could of experienced PAWS a bit ago but I like to THINK about a lot of things and sometimes that is not helpful for me
Keep on keepin' on. Its sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I commend you for it.
Have a good weekend.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by RAL 
No need to be sarcastic or trying to demean me. The op brought the subject up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Now we're giving birth control advice.
MeSober, hang on. Time is definitely your friend. It took me many months of continuous sober Time before I felt normal. I can tell you that it is so worth the process and the effort. I can say that I'll never go back there because it was so uncomfortable that I don't want to ever do it again. There's value in suffering, just my opinion.
We're here, keep posting.
One day at a time, lovely. That's all you have to do.
MeSober, hang on. Time is definitely your friend. It took me many months of continuous sober Time before I felt normal. I can tell you that it is so worth the process and the effort. I can say that I'll never go back there because it was so uncomfortable that I don't want to ever do it again. There's value in suffering, just my opinion.
We're here, keep posting.
One day at a time, lovely. That's all you have to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Mizz
You are doing really well and I am glad you posted.
I do think I experienced PAWS with my last go round of sobriety and unfortunately I relapsed. I dont know though? That time was filled with some really intense stuff. I also think I could of experienced PAWS a bit ago but I like to THINK about a lot of things and sometimes that is not helpful for me
Keep on keepin' on. Its sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I commend you for it.
Have a good weekend.
I do think I experienced PAWS with my last go round of sobriety and unfortunately I relapsed. I dont know though? That time was filled with some really intense stuff. I also think I could of experienced PAWS a bit ago but I like to THINK about a lot of things and sometimes that is not helpful for me
Keep on keepin' on. Its sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. I commend you for it.
Have a good weekend.
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