My relapse story.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Toronto area
Posts: 6
My relapse story.
I was a hard core drinker for years. then at about age 32 i went sober for about 18 months. then disaster, my brain said "you have this thing beat now, one light social drink won't hurt". well it DID HURT, soon within a few months i was hardcore again. lasted another number of decades ( peaked at 4 litres of the clear poison again per week plus beer). I knew three brothers (twins and a single all hardcore for years) the one twin passed away from drinking complications and shortly after his twin brother went sober. The other surviving brother went sober 3 years later. When I talked with him he said he was sober 1 1/2 years. At the same time the surviving twin said he was sober 4 1/2 years. I said "i wish I could do that" (alcohol had a bigger hold of me than most i think). That was in january. I couldn't think of life without alcohol I needed it to perform basic functions, I was a highly functioning alcoholic or a not so highly functioning alcoholic.
That April I finally got my mind set to getting sober. That was 4 plus years ago (this April will be 5 years). At the time i stopped i couldn't bear the thought of never having a beer/drink again so I kept telling myself "the next February we are going to Cuba and I will have one then". it was a coping mechanism that helped. I did not have one in Cuba but that thought process helped me get to that point (10months) sober. I've had people come to me at work asking in private how long I've been sober and after i tell them often i hear "boy, i wish i could do that" same as what I said 4 plus years ago. It was not a easy ride for me. I felt sick 3 months, felt like absolute crap 2 years, although it was a constant improvement it was really slow for me but picked up speed as we went along. Lethargy, no pleasure in life, (brain had to learn to run on normal chemistry not alcohol took time for me) Felt like my head was in a vise for about 3 years. I am actually glad I had such a rough time because there is no way in hell i want to have to have to go through it again to get sober again (lesson learnt the first time). Visiting this sober recovery once in a while helped a lot even though i was not a member till now. I am in a much better place now, learning how to have pleasure in life again, Great family ( 4 daughters, 2 son inlaws, 6 grandchildren 4 great grandchildren ) Come April will be 5 years sober and only another 5 years will be 10 WOOHOO can't wait for that (though i will have to lol, like a kid at christmas lol). Every night when I'm lying in bed i say a little prayer and thank the good Lord for another day sober. I'm sorry for the long post.
That April I finally got my mind set to getting sober. That was 4 plus years ago (this April will be 5 years). At the time i stopped i couldn't bear the thought of never having a beer/drink again so I kept telling myself "the next February we are going to Cuba and I will have one then". it was a coping mechanism that helped. I did not have one in Cuba but that thought process helped me get to that point (10months) sober. I've had people come to me at work asking in private how long I've been sober and after i tell them often i hear "boy, i wish i could do that" same as what I said 4 plus years ago. It was not a easy ride for me. I felt sick 3 months, felt like absolute crap 2 years, although it was a constant improvement it was really slow for me but picked up speed as we went along. Lethargy, no pleasure in life, (brain had to learn to run on normal chemistry not alcohol took time for me) Felt like my head was in a vise for about 3 years. I am actually glad I had such a rough time because there is no way in hell i want to have to have to go through it again to get sober again (lesson learnt the first time). Visiting this sober recovery once in a while helped a lot even though i was not a member till now. I am in a much better place now, learning how to have pleasure in life again, Great family ( 4 daughters, 2 son inlaws, 6 grandchildren 4 great grandchildren ) Come April will be 5 years sober and only another 5 years will be 10 WOOHOO can't wait for that (though i will have to lol, like a kid at christmas lol). Every night when I'm lying in bed i say a little prayer and thank the good Lord for another day sober. I'm sorry for the long post.
Erica375
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: MA
Posts: 493
What a wonderful message! Thank you for sharing. I also have four daughters, but as of yet only furry, feathered, and scaly grandchildren. And if that's how it's meant to be, then so be it. I love them. But give your grands and great-grands an extra squeeze from me, ok?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Toronto area
Posts: 6
Thank you all. TheAten, yep don't go back, I wasted a lot of years and money that I didn't/ shouldn't have. Wegoagain, please don't goagain (lol). It took me a long time to start enjoying life again i think because the brain didn't have to produce the chemical that formulates pleasure, the alcohol did that. ( what was killing me also gave me pleasure, that's how insidious alcohol is for some people). Its been almost 5 years and my brain is just starting to function more the way it's supposed to. Does this mean i'm 100%, nope. will I ever be 100%, probably not after decades of self abuse. BUT I'm 100% better than when I first got sober. It was totally worth going through what i have and still going through to not have to worry about R.I.D.E programs, DUI, hitting someone with the vehicle. I believe for folks like us the recovery is a lifelong journey that only gets better with time. AAPJ, I didn't join AA although I think it's a great help vehicle for a lot of folks like us and I've never knocked anyone that goes. I have a lot of respect for people that are continually trying to improve themselves even if they fail, as long as they keep trying till they get it. Friend of mine Jim, was also hardcore drinker/smoker. 2 small grandchildren. got cancer in the larynx from substance abuse. was in the hospital and part of trachea removed and reattached. They wanted him to stay in hospital for 3 Months. I said great Jim you can't smoke or drink in here that would be a good start. 3 weeks he signed himself out, got his son-in-law to pick him up and take him home. first thing lit cigarette reached in the fridge grabbed a beer, downed a third of the bottle and vomited blood-bile- and beer in the waste basket looked up and said it was the best beer he ever tasted. He lasted about another year then passed away depriving his grandkids the opportunity of having a great relationship with a very kind, considerate, and loving grandfather. Anyway- have to sign off now my wife is calling lol.
Later all you fine folks.
Djjack.
Later all you fine folks.
Djjack.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,500
Congratulations on almsot 5 years djjack and welcome to SR.
Your opening post is wonderful and very inspiring. 5 years is a wonderful achievement. As an adult I've never got anywhere near that length of time sober. My longest is just under 5 months back in 1998. I was having a great time with a clear head but went to a funeral and drank a toast in memory of my friend's father. That was it, one little drink and I was soon back to drinking full time. The most I have managed since then has been a small handful of three months sober and a number of 6-8 weeks. I really would love to be able to say I've been sober for a year nevermind 5 years.
Your opening post is wonderful and very inspiring. 5 years is a wonderful achievement. As an adult I've never got anywhere near that length of time sober. My longest is just under 5 months back in 1998. I was having a great time with a clear head but went to a funeral and drank a toast in memory of my friend's father. That was it, one little drink and I was soon back to drinking full time. The most I have managed since then has been a small handful of three months sober and a number of 6-8 weeks. I really would love to be able to say I've been sober for a year nevermind 5 years.
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