davidjbass

On day 13 today. Feeling a bit better. Still have some headaches, a little bit of night sweats and tired. But I am going to work everyday fighting through it. I had my first craving last night while eating pizza. But didn't go down that road. I think the hardest part of all this is I have gotten no support from my wife on this. She doesn't ask me how I am doing. She comes home from work does her thing and then has her one drink a night. We don't talk. I feel lonely. A good and 2 year sober friend of mine told me to get a sponsor from AA. I am thinking of doing that. But with COVID it might be difficult. Thanks for listening.

biminiblue

Normal drinkers have no idea of our inner battle. I also think spouses just want to keep an even keel in the house and don't want to talk about things that might set off a confrontation or uncomfortable discussion. You could tell her how you feel. She has no way to read your mind.

Keep talking to us, we know what a big deal 13 Days is.

Congrats! Really happy for you.

tomls

13 days is great! You are quitting for yourself correct? I know I had to keep reminding myself that I was quitting for me. Best wishes and stay close to SR!

BayouMan

I’m on day 21. My wife does not know that I am sober cause first of all my drinking was done in secret and she would only know about it if I drank the entire 750. I haven’t mentioned quitting and won’t till I am sure it will stick. But when I do, I think she’ll be supportive. Her drinking is limited to a glass of wine 2 or 3 times a year.

Good luck and hang in there. Can you talk to her and relay the struggle this process presents?

BayouMan

Take care and thank you for sharing.

davidjbass

Thanks. And yes I quit for myself.

Mizz

Congrats on your sober time and also getting through that craving! Good work.

I have found that it is important to voice what it is we need from others. My spouse drinks. He has his own road to walk with alcohol. Through the years I have shown an irresponsibility with alcohol and have been on and off sober.
He doesn't ask me how I am doing with sobriety but does listen to me when I talk about it. He offers support when asked for it. So, I think if you open up to your wife and start the conversation it may surprise you. I could be wrong. I dont know the ins and out of your relationship but I do know that you are doing something amazing for yourself. Are you able to tell her you how important it is that she talks with you? Keep on keeping on!

novips

Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on 13 days.

One of my favorite lines from the Big Book is: "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid." There's obviously nothing complicated about the suggestion: "get a sponsor" (i.e., you either have one or don't). The fact that it's harder now than pre-Covid simply gets filed under: "if recovery was easy, there'd be no relapses." The issue is not whether it's hard (of course it is), the issue is whether we do it. It's only "too hard" if you wouldn't do it for a drink while actively using -- and if you're like me you'd already have a sponsor if you were actively using and it meant free beer every night.

FWIW, my experience strongly suggests the following about identifying a good sponsor:
1. They should have a sponsor.
2. They should be able to tell you where the instructions for each Step are located in the Big Book, and they should have worked those Steps -- including an on-going practice of 10-12 (if not the occasional annual housecleaning 4th Step).
3. Their primary focus in working with you should be on helping you work the Steps so that you can have your own spiritual experience sufficient to keep you sober.

lifewithart

Day 13 here as well! We can do this!

Anna

Good work on Day 13. Many of us here didn't have support from family. Firstly, it's really hard for others to understand alcoholism, and secondly, recovery really is something you need to do for yourself. You will always find lots of support here.

Dee74

Congrats on day 13, djb.
Yeah we don't always get the support from family we'd like, so that's why places like SR exist

D

HopeUnending

First of all Congrats on day 13, that is awesome!!
I don't know your story, previous attempts or not etc. As a spouse/wife of an active alcoholic who has attempted sobriety several times, her lack of support may not be meant personal towards you but to protect her. We learn to stay on our side of the street, when it comes to all things alcohol, for our wellbeing mostly. Maybe mention to her your accomplishment so far or try telling her what sort of support you would like. But either way you are doing this for you first and foremost. Your best support option probably would be better received coming from someone who is walking the walk too.

advbike

Great work David. I would also feel kind of unsupported if I were in your shoes. I would mention it at least, and hope after two weeks for a little encouragement, but then that's me. I'm always supportive with my partners, whatever they are trying to accomplish, so I kind of expect the same. But as others mentioned, maybe she's holding back for now. Or maybe the change threatens her own validation to have that one drink. In any case, you're making an incredible change and with time she will be more supportive I'm sure.

Seriously man, stick with it, you're doing awesome!

least

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks! Yes, do talk with your wife, tell her how you feel and how important this is to you.