Gus81321

Yesterday’s decisions lead to today’s shame. I am feeling quite embarrassed and disappointed in myself for how much I drank yesterday and the decisions I made following...I got black out drunk with my sister-in-law, lost her car keys (still have no clue where they are, I took them from her so she wouldn’t drive), a very upset brother, and I told my boss I couldn’t come in today because I was exposed to someone with Covid (complete lie). So I sit here now so ashamed of myself and knowing I need to make a lifestyle change. Any advice on how to let go of the shame of my drinking decisions and move forward?

novips

My experience with letting go of shame has varied depending on where I was in the Steps. Before I reached Step 10, the answer was always (and by "was always" I mean "should have always been"): I'll deal with that when I get to Step 10. That doesn't mean avoiding the obligations of being a good a person -- but if it can wait till I'm at Step 10, then it probably should wait till I'm at Step 10 (though in reality I'll deal with much of it in my step work before then). Today, dealing with shame is the same as dealing with all my negative emotions, which typically all boil down to fear for me: (1) Run the emotion through a 10th Step inventory, (2) share the results with my sponsor, (3) make any necessary amends, and (4) turn the rest over to God. (Again, I don't do this perfectly and much less often than I should.) One of my favorite mottos has become: "Win some, lose some." After I've done the foregoing, I try my best to put the remaining shame in the universal "lose some" bucket (universal because we all "lose some") and move on -- obviously continuing to keep an open mind if more is revealed about that situation.

Mizz

I do think shame has a way of leaving after some time.

I am sorry for what has brought you here. I do understand your guilt. I understand how things can get real dicey and messed up when we drink. Keep posting and make this day your day to walk a different path.

Will you need to now get that COVID test and prove that you do not have it?
Whenever we are exposed to someone with COVID we have to provide papers and it takes a few days or even (21 days) to get out of that situation. Just my experience.

nez

The way I let go of the shame was to stop drinking, not repeat the behavior that caused the shame, made things right where damage had been done, and to take full personal responsibility for my actions moving forward. Seems to be working so far. :~)

Livinchi

Hello Gus, welcome to the forums. You came to a great place to start to understand how to overcome the issue of drinking too much or too often. Nearly all of us here have a story like that, or many stories like that, and some much worse. Read around the forums, keep posting, and make some commitments to really work to overcome this for yourself, so that you do not have to endure more shame.

As far as overcoming the shame, considering that the disappointment in your actions and how drinking has impacted your life in a negative way is what brought you here, to day 1 - in the beginning at least perhaps that shame is not a bad thing. Use it as motivation to keep pushing forward rather than trying to figure out how to move forward without any shame on day 1. We just have to accept it. For me, I admit that I can be an idiot when I drink, I lose control and act in ways I normally wouldn't, I get addicted to the alcohol and start drinking more of it more often to get drunk. I am ashamed of the way I have acted and lost control while drinking, so I do not drink anymore. Now that I have not had a drink in a while (over 100 days), drinking shame has been replaced with the pride of not drinking, and winning that battle day by day. I really do not want the old shame to go away completely, or I might possibly forget why I started this in the first place and go back again.

In regards to living joyfully with my previous shame still there, I have given that to God. I pray, read my Bible, maintain a relationship with other Christian men, and have been baptized since I started this journey. To me, that is the most powerful thing we can do. You will find a lot of support here, keep reading and posting and let us know how we can help.

Anna

It's my experience that it takes time and patience for the shame and guilt to begin to lessen.

Making the decision to stop drinking for good and accepting that you are an alcoholic will help start the process of feeling better about yourself.

Surrendered19

The only way to start moving past the shame and insanity of what we do when we drink is to not drink anymore ever again. Some of the shame and regret will always be with you, like tattoos on your psyche. But rather than let the shame eat you up, you can learn to channel it and use it to govern all of your future actions and decisions.