Personal Record Broken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 87
Personal Record Broken
Hey all - I haven't made a thread on here in a while. To make a long story short, I lurked on here years ago when I first thought I had a problem. A few years later, I still had that same problem.
Eventually I quit, white knuckling for 10 months with no plan. And then relapsed for about a month, quit for 3 months, relapse, quit for 3 months, relapse, quit, relapse, and that cycle continued...
Until I had the bender of all benders, and had to end it once and for all. Coming off this one was the hardest I'd ever done.
I've now been just about 11 months sober so this is the longest it's been since I ever started drinking. So I figured I'd make a post to share what I learned/changed, and to thank the forum. The best part is I have no desire to drink (because of how it makes me feel, and where it lands me)... I don't know if this will last but I know today, I do not want to drink.
The tipping point that really shifted my mind was 100% accepting the fact that when it comes to alcohol, I will never be a "normal drinker", and I have a choice: continue to improve my life sober, or continually lie to myself and try to moderate and end up on worse and worse benders every single time, until I'm drinking 24/7/365.
On top of this realization, and finally accepting the fact that I have a problem - I engaged some help with a plan, and have safe guards in place to call/talk to if any serious cravings or anything like that come up - thankfully they have not.
One more note, something that really helped me as it was a huge trigger for me is realizing that people who are *not* alcoholic do not think like alcoholics. And what I mean by that is I always thought in order to be liked, considered fun, whatever - I had to be drinking. That was my AV. Realizing and meeting others that enjoy life sober reinforced this new belief (which is that what I thought before is FALSE!).
Anyway - I always lurk here as it keeps it top of mind every day where I came from, and to stay the course.
(I still haven't kicked the nicotine, but that's next!)
Thanks all, hope you're all doing welll!
Eventually I quit, white knuckling for 10 months with no plan. And then relapsed for about a month, quit for 3 months, relapse, quit for 3 months, relapse, quit, relapse, and that cycle continued...
Until I had the bender of all benders, and had to end it once and for all. Coming off this one was the hardest I'd ever done.
I've now been just about 11 months sober so this is the longest it's been since I ever started drinking. So I figured I'd make a post to share what I learned/changed, and to thank the forum. The best part is I have no desire to drink (because of how it makes me feel, and where it lands me)... I don't know if this will last but I know today, I do not want to drink.
The tipping point that really shifted my mind was 100% accepting the fact that when it comes to alcohol, I will never be a "normal drinker", and I have a choice: continue to improve my life sober, or continually lie to myself and try to moderate and end up on worse and worse benders every single time, until I'm drinking 24/7/365.
On top of this realization, and finally accepting the fact that I have a problem - I engaged some help with a plan, and have safe guards in place to call/talk to if any serious cravings or anything like that come up - thankfully they have not.
One more note, something that really helped me as it was a huge trigger for me is realizing that people who are *not* alcoholic do not think like alcoholics. And what I mean by that is I always thought in order to be liked, considered fun, whatever - I had to be drinking. That was my AV. Realizing and meeting others that enjoy life sober reinforced this new belief (which is that what I thought before is FALSE!).
Anyway - I always lurk here as it keeps it top of mind every day where I came from, and to stay the course.
(I still haven't kicked the nicotine, but that's next!)
Thanks all, hope you're all doing welll!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,540
Great post GreatInquiry7.
Your drinking patterns resemble my own. Stopped for 5 years once, but had still not accepted the fact that I could not drink. Ever. Took me years to get back. Sober now for 12 months and truly believe that I've "got it" this time. Ever vigilant tho.
Really liked your end note in describing "normal" drinkers as not thinking about alcohol in the same manner as ourselves. That was insightful. It helped me.
Congratulations on 11 months. Thanks for sharing your story.
Your drinking patterns resemble my own. Stopped for 5 years once, but had still not accepted the fact that I could not drink. Ever. Took me years to get back. Sober now for 12 months and truly believe that I've "got it" this time. Ever vigilant tho.
Really liked your end note in describing "normal" drinkers as not thinking about alcohol in the same manner as ourselves. That was insightful. It helped me.
Congratulations on 11 months. Thanks for sharing your story.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Wonderful & helpful post, Great! I'm so happy you have 11 mos. I had a similar journey - took a long time to admit willpower would never save me. I can't touch the stuff. I'm very thankful we got free.
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