lifewithart

Sending you all the best, all the love for this struggle.

Obladi

I understand.

The last man I was in a relationship was amazing and wonderful, except when he wasn’t. It can be incredibly confusing for a person such as yourself, who only wants to see the good person inside.

It does not matter if he is a wounded puppy or not. He has been abusive to you and it’s only been a few months. Imagine living with self-doubt, questioning your own warning signs for years. I did that and it damned near killed my soul.

I’d call this guy a sociopath. Listen to your gut. It will hurt for a bit, but that short term pain will pay for itself many times over in your own peace of mind.

O

Allabouteve

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me in such depth and detail. I've read, read and re-read the replies and many of you are saying the same thing.
I have made a decision. On this occasion I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and forgiving him. He was profoundly sorry and couldn't remember what he had even said to me. (Being black out drunk is not an excuse I know).
I like him and he is very remorseful and ashamed and telling me how he doesn't deserve me and he's grateful I have given him another chance.
I have told him that I won't tolerate disrespect if it happens again.
I have every empathy with his situation but like some of you have said, if this is a manipulative tactic then fore warned is forearmed.
I guess I have to discern and use my own intuition and see how the next few weeks unfold.
Some of you may think I'm crazy giving him a second chance so early in the relationship, but then I will always be wondering 'what if'. I may be back on this thread in a few weeks with my tail between my legs with many of you saying 'I told you so.' I have to follow my heart ❤ Time will tell. Thank you all once again. Big hugs.

ShiftHappens

I also like what RAL said.

Beware the person who always blames their exes.

People who dont acknowledge the part the play in a relationship and just blame the ex are a huge red flag for me personally.

TheAten

I don’t think you’re crazy and I doubt anybody else here does either. You sound like a sweet, kind, empathetic and concerned person with genuine affection for this man. Also, don’t feel you have to come back with your tail between your legs regardless of outcome; you won’t ever be judged, nor receive the dreaded and unhelpful “I told you so”. I wish you all the very best and please do feel free to share here anytime.

Mizz

We all have to make decisions that are best for us. Your explanation of the events does sound like a giant "RED FLAG."
Take care of yourself. Seriously.

RAL

I wish you well.By forgiving him you are telling him that his abuse of you is ok. Make no mistake it will happen again. and again. and again. He makes no mention of his own concern or worries of his drinking or any plans to stop. He will know exactly what he is like when drunk. It's so easy to say sorry. Actions speak louder than words. Maybe look at your own part in this- are you looking to rescue/cure him, be 'the one' who can cure him after all those awful women he has been with prior to you? Are you co-dependent? Maybe look at your own self worth to allow yourself to say it's ok to be abused and carry on.

Be123

Aten i'd just like to say that was a lovely, wise and supportive reply 👍👍

WaterOx

These days, if someone tells me they don't deserve me, I'm inclined to believe them.

WaterOx

Also, I've done a lot of research on narcissistic behavior and a common trait is that every ex they ever had was "abusive" to them (all the while they abuse their current partner). Not saying he fits the exact mold but yeah, red flags all around.

You sound like a sweet person and I'd hate to hear someone fall prey to all that.
7 billion people in this world. I'm positive you can do better.