I just feel better when I’m drunk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 121
I just feel better when I’m drunk
Hello all,
I am a chronic quitter/drinker. I have no problem quitting for 60-90 days, but I always come back to the booze.
It just comes down to the fact that I feel much better while in the process of drinking, than I am when sober. I am talking about while I am getting drunk. Not the after math. While I’m drinking I have no anxiety, depression, and I feel like a million bucks. However my hangovers are awful. Double anxiety and depression. Borderline suicidal
I just don’t know what to do. I need to quit drinking if I want to be a good husband, father, business owner. But the only time I feel really good is while drinking.
I am a chronic quitter/drinker. I have no problem quitting for 60-90 days, but I always come back to the booze.
It just comes down to the fact that I feel much better while in the process of drinking, than I am when sober. I am talking about while I am getting drunk. Not the after math. While I’m drinking I have no anxiety, depression, and I feel like a million bucks. However my hangovers are awful. Double anxiety and depression. Borderline suicidal
I just don’t know what to do. I need to quit drinking if I want to be a good husband, father, business owner. But the only time I feel really good is while drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Is the double anxiety, depression and feeling borderline suicidal worth it? It could be that giving sobriety only 60 - 90 days is not enough for you to see the benefits. It takes some time before your body and mind adjust to sobriety and you truly begin recovery. Recovery is about building a life that you want, a life that you feel good about, being the best father, husband, business owner that you can be. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
You dont get to have the (arguably) "good" bits without the hangovers, existential dread, ruined relationships, impaired health, guilt and shame I'm afraid. That's never happening so dont torture yourself by wishing for something impossible.
I'd write down a proper analysis of what if gives you Vs what it takes. I did this in early sobriety and it was eye opening.
It always takes more than it gives.
What else have you tried doing to make you happy, calm and relaxed? Because alcohol isnt, its borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
I'd write down a proper analysis of what if gives you Vs what it takes. I did this in early sobriety and it was eye opening.
It always takes more than it gives.
What else have you tried doing to make you happy, calm and relaxed? Because alcohol isnt, its borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I just feel better when I’m drunk
I used to think that too - but looking back I really didn't give much time to being sober.
The early parts of being sober - withdrawal, insomnia, anxiety, peer pressure and all the rest - are tough.
It gets better but if you've never gone several months without a drink, it's hard to see that improvement,or trust it happens.
I haven;t taken a drink since 07.I fee pretty good pretty often, Life is way way better than it was those 20 years I was drinking.
Give sobriety a chance.
Use the support here and elsewhere to get through that tough initial period.
The other thing is - as you've noted...you have to factor in the consequences of that very brief 'better'.
I did not feel better when I stopped drinking a day, 2 days, a week or two weeks later.
I did not feel better when I repeatedly disappointed or alienated my family and loved ones.
I did not feel better when I looked at my face in the mirror and saw someone I dd not want to be.
and you have to factor all that into the decision to drink again because you can't have one without the other.
D
I used to think that too - but looking back I really didn't give much time to being sober.
The early parts of being sober - withdrawal, insomnia, anxiety, peer pressure and all the rest - are tough.
It gets better but if you've never gone several months without a drink, it's hard to see that improvement,or trust it happens.
I haven;t taken a drink since 07.I fee pretty good pretty often, Life is way way better than it was those 20 years I was drinking.
Give sobriety a chance.
Use the support here and elsewhere to get through that tough initial period.
The other thing is - as you've noted...you have to factor in the consequences of that very brief 'better'.
I did not feel better when I stopped drinking a day, 2 days, a week or two weeks later.
I did not feel better when I repeatedly disappointed or alienated my family and loved ones.
I did not feel better when I looked at my face in the mirror and saw someone I dd not want to be.
and you have to factor all that into the decision to drink again because you can't have one without the other.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Anna 
Is the double anxiety, depression and feeling borderline suicidal worth it? It could be that giving sobriety only 60 - 90 days is not enough for you to see the benefits. It takes some time before your body and mind adjust to sobriety and you truly begin recovery. Recovery is about building a life that you want, a life that you feel good about, being the best father, husband, business owner that you can be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by AwkwardKitty
It always takes more than it gives.
What else have you tried doing to make you happy, calm and relaxed? Because alcohol isnt, its borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
What else have you tried doing to make you happy, calm and relaxed? Because alcohol isnt, its borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I’ve traded in that very much brief high at night for the hours upon hours of calm, restfulness and feeling good the next day. I still admire the ability to drive at any time at night. Waking up rested is just as satisfying as a brief high. That brief high is just too damn costly the next day on the mind and body.
I heard this line once...You’ll never be as high but you’ll also never be as low. That’s truth. I know it’s been mentioned it takes time and it does. My first year was surviving. Without notice, I started enjoying things again and with intensity that I used to- before drink consumed and persuaded me that it was my joy. Food changes, music, downtime, it all opens up and gets better.
I heard this line once...You’ll never be as high but you’ll also never be as low. That’s truth. I know it’s been mentioned it takes time and it does. My first year was surviving. Without notice, I started enjoying things again and with intensity that I used to- before drink consumed and persuaded me that it was my joy. Food changes, music, downtime, it all opens up and gets better.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
You need to get more sober time in order to reap the benefits of being sober. I used to think I felt better drunk too, tho I wasn't feeling anything at all, really. 
Try six months sober and see how you feel then. Also, to appreciate sobriety, it helps to practice gratitude every day.
Try six months sober and see how you feel then. Also, to appreciate sobriety, it helps to practice gratitude every day.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I think I understand this. Getting high from the alcohol seems great initially. Sure. It all feels so warm and fuzzy and there is not a care in the world. Its just not that simple. If if were not for the complete destruction that alcohol brings to us none of us would be on this forum. Destruction of relationships, health, jobs, finances and memories. That is only naming a few of the ways alcohol will tear us down.
I wanted more for myself and always have. I don't want to waste my life in a chronically hungover state unable to make sense of the world and myself. A few hours of high for long term anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts....It is not worth it.
If you allowed yourself more time to heal and to work through those kinks internally you may just find some happiness at the end of that road that is uncomfortable at first. Just my two cents.
I wanted more for myself and always have. I don't want to waste my life in a chronically hungover state unable to make sense of the world and myself. A few hours of high for long term anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts....It is not worth it.
If you allowed yourself more time to heal and to work through those kinks internally you may just find some happiness at the end of that road that is uncomfortable at first. Just my two cents.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Hey GoodLife32, I am not going to try to convince you of anything and don't know what to say. All I know is that I told myself plenty of lies about my drinking.
Being sober made me a good husband, father, and business owner, which made me feel way better than drinking ever did.
I need to quit drinking if I want to be a good husband, father, business owner. But the only time I feel really good is while drinking.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
That's the rub, we want to have our cake and eat it too. I did it for a long time, but eventually everyone reaches a point where the bad outweighs the "good". For me at the end, there was not good at all - the first beer of the day brought no buzz or warm fuzzies anymore - it was purely to stave off withdrawals. There is also the tipping point where hangovers become withdrawals. But after you do quit and look back, you realize that there are so many more bad effects that you don't see - the selfishness, lying, etc....and I am pretty sure your final statement indicates that you already realize that - for your family and yourself.
And yes, it does feel like crap for a while after you quit, even after the initial withdrawals are done. You have to literally re-learn how to live your life in many ways - how to "have fun", how to relax, how to face the day. Most of us used alcohol to avoid facing the hard realities of life...and they don't go away just because we quit drinking.
In the long run though, you will find far greater satisfaction in your life if you face and conquer the challenges you face.
And yes, it does feel like crap for a while after you quit, even after the initial withdrawals are done. You have to literally re-learn how to live your life in many ways - how to "have fun", how to relax, how to face the day. Most of us used alcohol to avoid facing the hard realities of life...and they don't go away just because we quit drinking.
In the long run though, you will find far greater satisfaction in your life if you face and conquer the challenges you face.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
I can only think that if you feel better when you're drunk, there must be something about looking at life fair and square in the eye that troubles you. I was same.
Found now that accepting life on lifes terms sober is richly rewarding, and the only way to any modicum of serenity.
I drank to escape Me. And me's not too bad I've come to see.
Found now that accepting life on lifes terms sober is richly rewarding, and the only way to any modicum of serenity.
I drank to escape Me. And me's not too bad I've come to see.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes, “if” you want to be a good husband, father, business owner. interesting, that little “if”.
that wiggle room.could be that you don’t want to be those things.
i mean...you didn’t say “i will quit drinking because i want to be a good husband...”
i used to like to believe that those things weren’t in opposition; that i could be a decent parent and still get drunk at night. or when they were at their dad’s. or somehow...well, yeah, i used to like to believe all kinds of things.
if you suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts/intentions when sober, then that sounds like a frank conversation with your health care person is a good idea.
that wiggle room.could be that you don’t want to be those things.
i mean...you didn’t say “i will quit drinking because i want to be a good husband...”
i used to like to believe that those things weren’t in opposition; that i could be a decent parent and still get drunk at night. or when they were at their dad’s. or somehow...well, yeah, i used to like to believe all kinds of things.
if you suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts/intentions when sober, then that sounds like a frank conversation with your health care person is a good idea.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There are folks that find a way to learn how to get sober
on their own and then there are folks, like myself, that needed
outside help.
My family sought help for me thru my husbands work. Something
many folks have through their jobs to help family members needing
that special help like mental, psychological, physical. Addiction etc.
With that, i was placed into the hands of those capable of teaching
me about my addiction and it's affects on my own mind and body.
With a 2 week rehab stay at first, they informed me that If i returned
home, I would surely relapse. So, i agreed to remain where I was to
complete 28 days along with a 6 week aftercare program once i returned
home.
As a wife and stay at home mom, i knew that if I ever drank again
that I would be out of the house, which fueled me more to do what
ever i needed to do to remain sober, no matter what.
Fast forward 30 yrs, i am still sober incorporating those recovery lessons
and tools to my everyday life and in all my affairs to achieve freedom
from my addiction, health, happiness and honesty.
I also learned that it is okay to ask for help or seek extra help if
needed for this progressive disease and addiction that plagues
so many.
I got help from others with support and understanding from
folks who already have been achieving sobriety before me,
paved the way for me to follow with their experiences, strengths
and hopes freely passed onto me and others striving to achieve
continuous sobriety.
You can too.
on their own and then there are folks, like myself, that needed
outside help.
My family sought help for me thru my husbands work. Something
many folks have through their jobs to help family members needing
that special help like mental, psychological, physical. Addiction etc.
With that, i was placed into the hands of those capable of teaching
me about my addiction and it's affects on my own mind and body.
With a 2 week rehab stay at first, they informed me that If i returned
home, I would surely relapse. So, i agreed to remain where I was to
complete 28 days along with a 6 week aftercare program once i returned
home.
As a wife and stay at home mom, i knew that if I ever drank again
that I would be out of the house, which fueled me more to do what
ever i needed to do to remain sober, no matter what.
Fast forward 30 yrs, i am still sober incorporating those recovery lessons
and tools to my everyday life and in all my affairs to achieve freedom
from my addiction, health, happiness and honesty.
I also learned that it is okay to ask for help or seek extra help if
needed for this progressive disease and addiction that plagues
so many.
I got help from others with support and understanding from
folks who already have been achieving sobriety before me,
paved the way for me to follow with their experiences, strengths
and hopes freely passed onto me and others striving to achieve
continuous sobriety.
You can too.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
I used to self-medicate my underlying mental illness with Alcho/drugs. Eventually my self-medication efforts cause more harm than good. With the help of good mental health practitioners to treat my PTSD, anxieity/depression disorder I drank less and less and then quit drinking.
Treating alcoholism without treating my mental disorders never worked for me. Maybe look into seeking some treatment for your depression/anxiety along with sobriety.
Treating alcoholism without treating my mental disorders never worked for me. Maybe look into seeking some treatment for your depression/anxiety along with sobriety.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by GoodLife32
It just comes down to the fact that I feel much better while in the process of drinking, than I am when sober.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
Until I wanted to be sober more than drink I couldn’t have stayed sober. Untreated alcoholism feels lousy; the only rest bite is to drink alcohol. A program of recovery which instigated a profound psychic change/spiritual awakening makes being alive a wonderful contented experience. This is the solution to alcoholism in my existence. I also used to say the things you have said in your post. There is a solution 🙏
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Alcohol was my solution to life. It gave me a sense of ease and comfort, it lit me up, it released me from boredom and my worries but it turned on me. My solution had become my worst problem..
When I put down the alcohol , yes i had instant benefits like no hangovers, no guilt of shame or remorse , no yucky one night stands and I knew my daughter was safe. But my head was in a state of restlessness, irritabilty and discontentment. I had to replace what i i nitially sought from the bottle with something else. My something else was working the 12 steps of AA. What the steps have given me is a spiritual solution to my alcoholsim. Because my alcoholism centres in my mind. Today I do not have a drinking problem. I have a living problem. And I need a recovery plan to treat it.
I will also add that not everyday is a bed of Rose's. That's life. I am living life on lifes terms today. Some days are tough. When I am having a rough ride I know it will pass but when I am having a good time I know it will pass as well.
There is nothing for me in the bottom of a bottle. Except pain and misery. Despair and remorse. Find a recovery plan that works for you and you will experience real moments of joy not chemically induced ones and you wont feel suicidal afterwards either.
♥️🙏
When I put down the alcohol , yes i had instant benefits like no hangovers, no guilt of shame or remorse , no yucky one night stands and I knew my daughter was safe. But my head was in a state of restlessness, irritabilty and discontentment. I had to replace what i i nitially sought from the bottle with something else. My something else was working the 12 steps of AA. What the steps have given me is a spiritual solution to my alcoholsim. Because my alcoholism centres in my mind. Today I do not have a drinking problem. I have a living problem. And I need a recovery plan to treat it.
I will also add that not everyday is a bed of Rose's. That's life. I am living life on lifes terms today. Some days are tough. When I am having a rough ride I know it will pass but when I am having a good time I know it will pass as well.
There is nothing for me in the bottom of a bottle. Except pain and misery. Despair and remorse. Find a recovery plan that works for you and you will experience real moments of joy not chemically induced ones and you wont feel suicidal afterwards either.
♥️🙏
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