MissPeaches

Hi everyone, glad to be here in 2021. I don’t post much, but still do visit the site often. While not totally sober, I have cut down my drinking significantly in the past six weeks, about 1/3 of my previous history. More and more often, I hear all of you the days I have cravings (i.e. HALT, this can be the last first day/hangover of your life, the cravings will pass eventually). The cravings aren’t as strong and I have been able to resist more often than not. I know, I still have work to do. But, I’m getting there and feel like I’ve made progress in the past month and a half.

I hung out with friends recently who are in recovery (they don’t know that I struggle too). Since they’ve gone into recovery, I wouldn’t drink around them but was seriously craving while we were hanging out. It never entered my mind during these recent hangouts. I think back to all the times we’d all be out drinking and not remembering much of the conversation later. Now, it’s all clear and I feel like we all really got to catch up with each other. In pandemic times, I don’t get to see people as much, so it was nice to have the good conversation without alcohol dulling the memories.

I had previously posted about concerns for my health and avoiding medical care because I was scared my liver would be shot. I even had dreams of being told my liver was failing. One of my goals for 2021 was to get back to medical care. I recently had lab work and was certain my liver enzymes would be sky high. I told the doctor that they could be, first time I’ve been honest like that. Even though I had cut down, the length of time I drank heavily daily would surely still show in labs. I was shocked, SHOCKED, that the labs were all normal. I don’t even know how that’s possible and I certainly don’t deserve that good news, given how much I’ve put my body through. Liver, kidneys, pancreas - all within normal range. I am beyond grateful. I know that just because labs were normal doesn’t mean I may not have a fatty liver or worse, but I feel it’s a great sign regardless. I am not going to mess this up now. I’m using this as momentum to stop drinking for good and really get myself in a healthier place by eating better, exercising and getting routine medical care. I’ve thanked the Lord many times over for the gift of those normal labs.

Some things I’ve noticed now that I’ve cut back so much? I’ve found myself singing in the shower in the mornings. Usually, I’d be so annoyed in the mornings because I’d be hungover. The cravings that were so bad that most of the day I’d be waiting to get to the store after work to buy alcohol, have now reduced significantly to where many days I barely noticed. I feel better overall; I’m more clearheaded, sleep much better and get less annoyed by situations.

I will continue this journey. I had a fleeting thought while at the store today about getting some wine. I had planned to go get some, but then I actually forgot. I can’t say that I’ve ever forgotten to buy alcohol before. So, I’m not perfect, but I am changing. I’m excited to live a life without having it center around alcohol. It’s nice to not think about it much anymore. Feeling better, saving money, being in a better mood, these are all wonderful side effects of getting rid of the poison for good.

2021 - lets make it a good one.

~Peaches

Dee74

Hi again Peaches

I'm glad your labs were normal...but don;t do what a lot of us did and count on the fact they'll still be good next time.

I'm glad you've cut down, but if you're a drinker like me, even 'cutting down' can still leave you in chains.

Wouldn't 2021 be a great year to be completely sober?

D

Barnaby

So glad your labs are good!

Ive always been of the opinion that lowering my drinking is ok. I realise now for me its not as i may not drink daily but when i drink i cant stop!

Well done on cutting down though and look now at cutting out. Praying you get a break through with it all x

MissPeaches

Hi Dee. I’m not going to use this as an excuse to start drinking everyday again. I’m using the momentum to stop completely. Time to start replacing the bad habit with good ones. I’m going to look at how things have changed for the positive in the last six weeks when the cravings get tough.

MissPeaches

Thanks Barnaby. I know when I do drink, those cravings really creep back up later and become stronger. I want to be sober more than I want to drink.

Barnaby

This is how i feel. I fell today. I drank. Feel rubbish for it! I truly know i need to quit! X

Hevyn

Great to see you posting again, MissPeaches. It's important to talk this over.

MissPeaches

We can do it! I’ve stopped being so hard on myself when slipping up and changed the narrative that I can do this. Before I would beat myself up and it would make me feel depressed, which of course, would lead to more drinking. Reading SR posts has really helped me not give up after one slip up. While I haven’t always been successful, it’s really helped.

Let’s do this!

Surrendered19

Hi Peaches. It is worrisome that you suggest that rational drinking is possible. Were you a heavy drinker before and now you aren't anymore, but you still drink? If you are being honest, you are the only person I am aware of who has been able to do that. This site is rife with failed efforts at moderation and people lose years and years who tell themselves moderation might be possible. I'm just wondering if your portrayal of all of this as news to be celebrated is a tad tone-deaf for a recovery site. I hope you are serious about the sentence buried in the middle of your post that you plan to quit for good.

Barnaby

Lets definitely do this!!! We can do this!!

boreas

Hi Peaches!
Good to see you and happy for your positive medical news. I remember well the preoccupation with drinking while participating in non-drinking activities. I can wholeheartedly say that I find life much easier since the noise of should I buy a bottle-2?-can I have another-how late is it-what time do I have to get up-etc. is no longer part of my internal dialogue. So often alcoholics are labeled as “weak”, but in truth it takes enormous strength and effort to keep up a drinking habit. That strength can be put to better purpose.

It would be great if you could share with one of your recovery-minded friends, but I understand that may not be possible. However you proceed, best wishes as you move towards sobriety. IME, it really is easier. The bad stuff is still bad, but in my cups I underestimated my ability to cope with it all.

-bora

TheAten

Hi Peaches

I did giggle when I saw the part about singing in the shower when waking now instead of being grumpy - I can very much relate. I make tea in the morning now and often I’m humming a silly video game tube or something happy and I stop and think - what’s happening to me, who am I?! But then I realise I feel happy and continue! Wish you well and sobriety.

MissPeaches

I didn’t suggest rational drinking is possible, I stated that I have cut down considerably over the past month and a half and plan to quit for good. Some people can quit cold turkey and some cannot. I didn’t say I’m successful - I said I wasn’t perfect and I had made some progress from where I was before. I was a daily drinker and cut down to drinking 1/3 of what I had before, that’s 30 days a month down to 10. Would it have made you more comfortable for me to say I was still drinking everyday? Because that’s not the case.

I wasn’t celebrating that I had still been drinking, I was saying how grateful I was that I didn’t get serious news on my labs and I wanted to use that as motivation in continuing forward. I said I didn’t deserve that good news, given how I had treated my body. Why you think I was celebrating it, I don’t know and don’t care. Thanks for your “concern“, but it’s it’s not needed.

MissPeaches

Thank you for your kind words. I think I may be able to share with my friends at some point but not yet. Have the “noise” reduce has been so great and helps me realize that a normal life can be possible.

MissPeaches

Ha ha! It’s wonderful how things can change for the positive! Hope you have many more happy days!