Erica375

And I am just seeing the enormity of the abuse from my late husband. He's been dead almost 22 years and I have never faced it because I refuse to let my children know. They adored him, and he was definitely a much better dad than husband. I will NOT sully the good memories they have from childhood.

But the emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuse is still affecting me.

And I honestly do not feel I've connected with anyone here. I'm just shouting into the void. I would like to delete this account but I can't see how to do that.

fishkiller

Congrats on nearly 3 months sober

Sorry you feel out of place here. I hope you stick around and give us another chance.

I have no idea how that level of abuse can affect a person and dont want to sound like I am downplaying it but that is the past.
Let your future be better.

Mizz

There are quite a few things going on here. I am sorry you are struggling.

I think we (as a forum of people recovering from alcohol/ drug use) can only help so much in regards to alcohol and drug use. Give support and tools. Help with support and tools for those specific things. Help with anxiety and tools to get through. There are subsections for mental health issues etc. Perhaps some people may have more information and tools for the other issues you are touching base on.

I do sense that some of your needs are not being met.

Everyone of us has boundaries that are necessary for our individual health. Its not personal.

What are you needing from this forum? You do belong here.

SoberLeigh

Well done, Erica, on three months of sobriety.

My sober eyes had much better vision - saw many things in a different, and probably, more realistic light.

Have you considered therapy to help you wade through the issues surrounding your past abuse? It might be helpful.

I hope that you stay here at SR, Erica. I would miss you if you left.

advbike

Hi Erica, and congrats on 3 months. That is really an amazing accomplishment. As you realized, the primary addiction has to be removed before we can begin to address other aspects of mental health. Your feelings are certainly valid and I hope you will stay and find resources to help. The Newcomers section is mostly targeted (in my opinion) at the basics of getting sober, which you have done. But for more specific help and sharing, have you posted in some of the more specific sections of the forum? I also wonder if you have had any outside counseling to deal with the past abuse and marital issues you mentioned. Certainly these warrant professional counseling and guidance.

BackandScared

Well done on three months.
When we stop drinking we face many emotions we may have been avoiding. Not sure what kind of 'connections' you are seeking here. I listened to a radio programme recently reporting research about loneliness. Aparently, people who feel the most lonely are those who don't expect much from their relationships. Or better put: they don't expect any single human being can fulfil their expectations from whatever it is we expect from others.

There are very different people in here. We are all affected by alcohol but that's about it. There are no hobbies, interests (news, bringing up children, cars, etc) making the connection. this is a very good resource for sobriety. Everything else is a bonus. If you have been the victim of an abusive relationship, some interventions here can be a real trigger, because alcohol and abuse go hand in hand for whatever reason.

Avoid those posts. Use what is useful for you and try to move on with the best positive outlook you can afford.

Do not get stuck in an abusive relationship that is long-terminated. It is a cliché, but it is TRUE that you need to find inside you whatever it is you want to. If we keep expecting external factors or persons to sort us out, we will end up using external clutches and we know which one we tend to go for.

Enjoy your massive success, because it is. If you could do it this far, you can do anything.

Surrendered19

I'm sorry you are feeling that way about SR Erica. I understand that feeling. Early on a few here educated me on the limits of online help and I had to learn not to take things here too personally. There is a randomness and an unpredictable nature to online interaction. And that bugged me too at first, until I learned that it really isn't personal. It is just the nature of interaction on a one-dimensional forum.

If you need deeper more consistent and reliable connection, I think you need to get that in real life from a friend, a family member, a therapist, a clergy member. I love this online community at SR, and it has helped me very very much. But I couldn't have recovered without a few meaningful in-the-flesh relationships. You get something from in-person connection that you could never get online and perhaps that is what you seek.

I very much approach SR with the idea that I need to give more support than I expect in return and, in fact, it is best to expect nothing in return. I hope you stick around Erica.

Dee74

I’m sorry for your pain Erica but I think it’s healthy to deal with trauma, no matter how old it is.

I’m sorry you feel that way about SR. From my perspective, we try really hard to make everyone feel welcome, but I know I’ve Inadvertently upset you a few times in the course of doing my job.All I can do is apologise again.

Like others I hope you’ll decide to stick around but you can close your account at any time by PMing Anna, me or another mod.

D

Anna

Hi Erica,

I'm sorry for your situation. It must be so difficult for you.

Please feel free to PM me anytime at all. I'm around every day and I want you to know that I'd be very happy to talk to you whenever you feel like it.