Stuck again
 

It is very difficult to stop.
I am here again and a guess I need some support for a full Blown reset of my reality. I have worked so hard in the past but I made the age old decision that I could have a couple. 2 months back here from a 2 month break and I continue to to drink with very little control. 12 beers a day is standard. 20 a day can't be normal.I have worked so hard and I have so much going for me right now... As I sit here half cut and a few left.
Today has to be the end of this. I will be here in the morning to talk my way through the withdrawal and anxiety and every other gross feeling that comes my way. I should even pull out my journal from times past to write down anything that isn't socially acceptable. My promise SR. I'll be her in the morning

Please do, no matter what. This place is inspiring. I came here using with no REAL intention to quit, and when I was reading all the topics I got such a positive vibe...I’m on day 6 now.

So no matter what you do, check in!

Stay strong and safe!

Hi FC. Shout out to the September 2019 group (I think that's right, something like that!)

Good plan. As you know, there isn't really any way round day one feelings. Pretty unpleasant but completely do-able because we've all done it.

Sending you strength and solidarity from the UK 👍

Finalcall, one good thing is you are not alone, we are all in this together.

you know what you need to do to get unstuck FC...then you can work on staying that way.

There's got to come a point where you know for sure and certain fact that those couple of drinks you're contemplating are going to put you right back here at this spot, or worse.

I really hope you're at that sire and certain point now.

D

Let this be your last day one, Finalcall!

A couple of drinks for an alcoholic doesn’t exist. It’s an all or nothing deal; same as recovery 🙏

It's one serious internal conflict. For the last 5 days I have woken with intention only to???
end up at the shop again.
Hopefully.... Bang head against rock again...
It's what I need to do.

5am on day 1.
excited and nervous.
I will not drink today

Hi Finalcall - I'm so glad you posted.
I had the same revelation - there can never be just one, or 'a few'. It just won't happen for us. I wasted many years trying everything to make it so.
Now that you're armed with that knowledge you can get free. It's hard to get started - but the anxiety will ease up. You're doing a great thing for yourself.

You can do this FinalCall - I hear determination in your voice!

Ive been in your situation many times. That point where you want to stop drinking but the horrors of detoxing keep you going back to the shop day after day.

Prepare yourself to bite the bullet and go for it. A week of feeling like sh*t is unavoidable and has to be done eventually at some time.

Indeed.
I've never met an alcoholic who "learned" to successfully moderate their drinking. None. Zilch.
Quitting is always the best choice.

Welcome back Finalcall, stay close and be safe today. You mentioned journaling, that's a good idea I think - it not only gives you a record but helps create self-awareness in the process of writing. You've actually done some journaling already via your posts here in the past, don't be afraid to go back and take a look. I still go back and look at my "day 1" post from time to time to ground me and help me remember why I'm here.

Hi FinalCall. Great to hear from you. How is Day 1 going? Sucks that Day 1 but no getting around it. I hope you can find permanent and lasting healing.

How are you feeling, FC? Day 1 is hard, but you never have to go back there again.

I couldn't tell you how many times I've woken up, pledged I'd quit - and be drinking after work that very same night. Granted sobriety and quitting for good is your end game perhaps you could benefit from some smaller goals first. I will not drink TODAY. I will not drink this WEEK. Recognize your "witching hour". Mine was between 5-7pm nightly. I will not drink this HOUR! I will not drink in the next 30 minutes. Just keep adjusting as needed. Once I got to 8 or 9pm well- bedtime time is coming - so maybe I should go to bed. Know it's going to suck - maybe that helps accepting the sucky part better. You know what it's like to get to two months- how the morning of getting up hangover free is so much better than the drunk the night before. You can do this!

Hi FinalCall.

How I hated those return trips to the bottle shop. :(

As soon as the alcohol hit my bloodstream all promises were lost.

Hope youre doing ok.

So far so good.
Eating, rehydrating and getting a few simple chores done

Final call, hang in there. So much support and inspiration here.