Starting anew
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 49
Starting anew
Hi sober and struggling sober friends! I am posting here for accountability, as I’ve been struggling, drinking every other day and unable to string together a good number of sober days. I live alone (with 2 dogs, my only ‘kids’ - ha) so it’s fairly easy for me to ‘get away with drinking’. I am determined today to put down the booze for good (none in the house), to not cave and go out to the liquor store, and to start to truly heal from this disease/malady/whatever. I feel hope today, and I appreciate even just reading the posts here as it at least helps me feel less alone! I also realized that I really play mind games with myself with regards to quitting drinking. I have this crazy habit of drinking to excess the day before the recycling goes out (Wed) and saying to my sick mind - ok now the bin is empty and I can start fresh! Then the next day I go out and get another bottle, and say ‘well I can have THIS last one, then throw it away in the regular garbage on Thurs’. Which also does not work! It’s funny and I have to laugh at myself, but why do we always have to start on the ‘perfect’ square or day? I also have found that when I beat myself up and berate myself for not being sober, it feels horrible and then I tend to drink to numb that pain. My plan is to try and be more gentle with myself, to take it slow one day at a time and try not to project far into the future.
Well, just writing this out in the open and admitting my failures and hopes is helpful in itself! Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Amy
Well, just writing this out in the open and admitting my failures and hopes is helpful in itself! Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Amy
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by Amy1 
Hi sober and struggling sober friends! I am posting here for accountability, as I’ve been struggling, drinking every other day and unable to string together a good number of sober days. I live alone (with 2 dogs, my only ‘kids’ - ha) so it’s fairly easy for me to ‘get away with drinking’. I am determined today to put down the booze for good (none in the house), to not cave and go out to the liquor store, and to start to truly heal from this disease/malady/whatever. I feel hope today, and I appreciate even just reading the posts here as it at least helps me feel less alone! I also realized that I really play mind games with myself with regards to quitting drinking. I have this crazy habit of drinking to excess the day before the recycling goes out (Wed) and saying to my sick mind - ok now the bin is empty and I can start fresh! Then the next day I go out and get another bottle, and say ‘well I can have THIS last one, then throw it away in the regular garbage on Thurs’. Which also does not work! It’s funny and I have to laugh at myself, but why do we always have to start on the ‘perfect’ square or day? I also have found that when I beat myself up and berate myself for not being sober, it feels horrible and then I tend to drink to numb that pain. My plan is to try and be more gentle with myself, to take it slow one day at a time and try not to project far into the future.
Well, just writing this out in the open and admitting my failures and hopes is helpful in itself! Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Amy
Well, just writing this out in the open and admitting my failures and hopes is helpful in itself! Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
Amy
I am exactly the same way and with you 100% on being a perfectionist. I think that's why my sobriety date of January 1st is so important to me. It feeds into my OCD ways. I have a very hard time with keeping the mindset of one day at a time, but you're absolutely right that we have to be easy on ourselves. I agree with you. Working on it myself...
Feel free to join us in January class/group! We'd love to see ya there!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
One day at a time is how we are all getting through. 
Keep coming here every day.
I found that posting in my Class of March thread I was giving myself a daily reminder of my commitment. Maybe you could plug in to one of the ongoing threads.
Here's a couple:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...part-67-a.html (One Year And Under Club Part 67)
In early days I began to eat well and get daily exercise. I was also going to AA meetings in the first few months and they gave me a good foundation. I think most meetings are online now, maybe you could visit a few of them and listen to people in recovery. There are a few different recovery methods - not just AA. There are also a lot of recovery podcasts. I like "This Naked Mind."
Keep coming here every day.
I found that posting in my Class of March thread I was giving myself a daily reminder of my commitment. Maybe you could plug in to one of the ongoing threads.
Here's a couple:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-2-a.html
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...part-67-a.html (One Year And Under Club Part 67)
In early days I began to eat well and get daily exercise. I was also going to AA meetings in the first few months and they gave me a good foundation. I think most meetings are online now, maybe you could visit a few of them and listen to people in recovery. There are a few different recovery methods - not just AA. There are also a lot of recovery podcasts. I like "This Naked Mind."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Amy. You got this friend. I am sober and have been for a while so ANYONE can do it is the only thing that proves. Are you still drinking? Can today be Day 1? We have a great weekend in front of us. Can you spend it getting the first few tough days under your belt? Hit Monday on Day 4? Get out and walk and walk and walk. Do those doggies like to walk? Give them all they want. Stay busy and early on, write down a schedule for each day for each moment you are awake. It is just a tool to get you to visualize something else to do besides drinking. Post over the weekend and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Virginia
Posts: 100
Hi Amy. I get it, been there except I have 2 cats. The lockdown made it easier, I didn't have to get up and drive in the morning so my.morning after dizziness wasn't a factor. It isn't easy but fir me, this time feels different. I'm not alone anymore, but still....keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome Amy. I do the same thing with quit dates, it is a manifestation of OCD and perfectionism as mentioned by others. Mine has gotten really ridiculous at times (imagine a quit date that is also a mathematical equation, lol..) Anyway, I also have the same situation of living alone so there is no real accountability, so easy to just go to the store and buy beer or wine if I want. I would generally drink 3-4 nights a week, not heavily but enough to destroy my sleep and increase my anxiety.
This is why being a part of SR helps so much, and especially - joining a class. That is how I was able to achieve my 3+ year sobriety which I unfortunately gave up up but am working on again. My long term sobriety was COMPLETELY 100% due to the accountability, support and insights that I gained here on SR, as well as the daily sharing and helping of others. When we do that it helps us too.
Stay with us and keep after it, the benefits are amazing!
This is why being a part of SR helps so much, and especially - joining a class. That is how I was able to achieve my 3+ year sobriety which I unfortunately gave up up but am working on again. My long term sobriety was COMPLETELY 100% due to the accountability, support and insights that I gained here on SR, as well as the daily sharing and helping of others. When we do that it helps us too.
Stay with us and keep after it, the benefits are amazing!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome, Amy
Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and, like you, I'd repeatedly convince myself I'd stop and then talk myself out of it. And, oh yes, the shame and guilt are so hard to live with. But, you can stop all that today and I know you will find lots of support here.
Denial is a huge part of alcoholism and, like you, I'd repeatedly convince myself I'd stop and then talk myself out of it. And, oh yes, the shame and guilt are so hard to live with. But, you can stop all that today and I know you will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by Amy1
I also realized that I really play mind games with myself with regards to quitting drinking. I have this crazy habit of drinking to excess the day before the recycling goes out (Wed) and saying to my sick mind - ok now the bin is empty and I can start fresh! Then the next day I go out and get another bottle, and say ‘well I can have THIS last one, then throw it away in the regular garbage on Thurs’. Which also does not work! It’s funny and I have to laugh at myself, but why do we always have to start on the ‘perfect’ square or day?
What it comes down to -at least that’s what I made of it- is we reason ourself into using for a “good cause” because that will be the only way we can quit tomorrow. The farther away I planned my quitting, the more resolved I was. The nearer the quitting point came, the shakier I got. Many times I had (or thought I had) good reasons to smoke that particular evening, and it always came with a promise to myself not to do it next time. Maybe it’s some sort of system that allows us to use our DOC without too much guilt. Yeah I might be using now, but I am quitting tomorrow so let’s enjoy it to the fullest.
I hope I am making sense. Although I’m quite capable in the English languague, it’s at times like this that I have a hard time writing down my thoughts, especially compacting them to a few sentences.
To conclude things: I wish you the very best!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi and welcome back Amy
I was a champion rationaliser too. I could quit in the morning, having finished a carton or a box of wine or whatever...and be running down to the Liquor store five minutes later.
Finding and consistently using the support and ideas here helped me change that. Post as often as you need to, post instead of rationalising that next bottle. Check out the threads Bim linked to.
It all really can make a difference
D
I was a champion rationaliser too. I could quit in the morning, having finished a carton or a box of wine or whatever...and be running down to the Liquor store five minutes later.
Finding and consistently using the support and ideas here helped me change that. Post as often as you need to, post instead of rationalising that next bottle. Check out the threads Bim linked to.
It all really can make a difference
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello Amy,
mindgames are just par for the course!
great you are recognizing them, and don’t be surprised if you discover some more
As for why do we always have to start on the perfect square or day? my guess is firstly: because we don’t want to quit right now,ha! and, secondly, because the idea of this perfect date is appealing to the “fresh start” liking of many of our brains.
when we look forward.
when we look back on things, however, it becomes more apparent that whatever day we finally did it, THAT was the perfect square, the perfect day, the bestest freshest start
mindgames are just par for the course!
great you are recognizing them, and don’t be surprised if you discover some more
As for why do we always have to start on the perfect square or day? my guess is firstly: because we don’t want to quit right now,ha! and, secondly, because the idea of this perfect date is appealing to the “fresh start” liking of many of our brains.
when we look forward.
when we look back on things, however, it becomes more apparent that whatever day we finally did it, THAT was the perfect square, the perfect day, the bestest freshest start
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