Surrendered19

Hi Mizz. Really well-done getting through those urges. As biminiblue says, sometimes it just takes a day or three for the wave to pass. One thing I've told myself often is that I don't really know what tomorrow holds, but I am simply not going to drink today. I can stand on my head and juggle knives for a day, so staying healthy and sober for the day pales by comparison. And if you stay sober today, on the day you are in, you'll never drink again. Just one day at a time right?

owen90

I used to count days but after about 3 months in I purposefully stopped (close to 6 months now). Now I only know how many days I have when I glance at the Quitzilla app on my phone. I was finding milestones kind of triggering, I guess it was my AV trying to convince me to "celebrate". When I stopped focusing on milestones and engaged more in keeping busy my urges and cravings tremendously decreased. I get them occasionally, usually over old photos and memories, but they are weak.

Mizz

Ya, everything is going well until my brain switches the channel and I then I find myself in Mortal Combat unarmed and ill prepared.

Channel one: Care Bears
Channel two: Mortal Combat fighting round with me in a fuzzy onsie trying to slay a dragon with my belly rainbows!

owen90

Tune into Channel Three: Mizz Superhero TV where you kick your cravings in the butt in every episode

biminiblue

Mizz, you're able to laugh at yourself so you're going to be fiiiiiiiiiiine.

Owen makes a very good point.

Change
The
Channel


Another of my favorite lines is: Don't torture yourself with your own thoughts.

Meditation helps that a LOT. There are many apps and YouTube videos on meditation. Super helpful.

DriGuy

I think you are more prepared to handle this than you think, a less prepared alcoholic would have caved by now. You seem to have a clear understanding of what you need to do, and you are doing it. It gets like this sometimes, and you have to do battle, but each battle you win makes you stronger. I think the question now is to ask what can you do to reduce the cravings. It would help if you could find a way. I would go out for a walk, but not on a walk that takes you past a liquor store. Anything to distract you seems like a good idea.

I don't believe I can send telepathic mind power through the air, but I'd be happy to give you some of mine if I could. However, I'm happy to type this response. Maybe, just maybe, it will help a little. I want you to win this round and come out stronger.

Mizz

Thank You.
This skill set of mine is not the strongest. Its not even that I want to drink but my brain seeks out the "relief" from "environment" stressors. Just watching the thoughts and seeing what my brain is saying and Im like "Girl, you cant just go walking off a cliff or pole vault yourself onto another planet. Learn to deal with stress and your head."

"We must identify our own stress triggers. Then we must learn to change them, avoid them, change our reactions, or interrupt the process before our lives get out of control again" Digital Dharma

I did win yesterdays battle. I do feel a bit raw internally from it. I "feel" like I need to learn to "interrupt the process" because "the process" is really unhealthy for my entire being. New day. New approach. Training.

I think you actually did send some telepathic strength this way, DG!

DriGuy

Yes, it takes a combination of strategies like changing, avoiding, interrupting, and responding sometimes, because there is seldom a single solution to a problem. I would add another to your list of strategies. It's very similar to "avoiding," but may help. Call it "ignoring." This sounds counterintuitive to the recommendations usually made by counselors when they tell us to pay attention to our feelings, and not to ignore them, but I have found there are caveats involved with that advice too.

Alcoholics are familiar with cravings, which are similar to feelings, but not all feelings are important. Cravings are useless to us. Practicing alcoholics don't ignore them. Instead, they respond to them by drinking, because a drink takes the edge off temporarily, but at the same time it reinforces the drinking response, making it harder to break the cycle each time the drinking response is used.

So it may help you to practice ignoring a craving, rather than focusing on it. At first this doesn't even seem possible, and yeah, it's not easy. I brought this up to another alcoholic one time, and apparently, he had already learned this. His response to me was, "I spend a lot of time ignoring my feelings." Not all of them of course, just the ones that trigger inappropriate responses.

Previously, I spent a lot of time starring my cravings in the face like I was an 800 pound gorilla challenging another. I would muster all my bravado, and tell the craving I was stronger than it. After starring it in the face for awhile, I would claim victory, and to celebrate my great strength can you guess what I would do? Yeah, I would buy a bottle and get drunk. Don't even ask me how I rationalized this to myself. I have no idea what I thought I was doing. The point is that focusing my attention on the craving was a battle I always lost.

This ignoring thing has other applications too. You can learn to ignore your resentments, and they will ease too, although it takes a second strategy to finish them off. It's hard for obsessive compulsives to learn to ignore, and we all have a little bit of that in us. To be honest, I'm not a master of this. I'm just better than I was, enough so that I suffer from resentments less than I did. Cravings are just trifling piffle anymore. Push these destructive thoughts out of your head. Its hard, but it helps. The negativity will resurface often, but progress becomes evident. The secondary strategy I mentioned is to do something positive for the object of your resentment. Engage him/her with something positive. You don't have to apologize for your resentment or even mention it, but this positive action is what the often talked about "amends" is. Wish the person well in your mind. Counterintuitive to be sure, but the result is that it helps you feel better about yourself. Lots of interrelationship problems can be solved through action without a lot of soul searching conversations.

The point is you can ignore a lot of stuff that isn't in your best interests. And you can get better at doing it.

Mizz

I quickly read this reply and then headed off to work. Throughout my day though I was able to push aside and ignore the issues that are unresolved. I was even able to say that I think it is better for my mental health if I do not speak about "that which cannot be spoken about because it will send me into a tailspin of insanity.' I used the Ignore button. It actually worked. I stayed centered. I focused. I thought about what was in my best interest and knew I could not go into that place again.

I had a mental and emotional hangover today and the result was a headache for many hours. These "hangovers" are quite draining and I experience them when I go into episodes of anxiety.

Thank you for your suggestions. I am open to these tools and they are proving to be effective. I feel grateful to be able to talk to people who understand all of this on a deeper level.

slayingthedrago

hi Mizz- just found this thread and sending strength and good thoughts your way. You are amazingly self-aware and strong and I KNOW you got this.

Mizz

Thanks, Slayin!
I really look forward to the future with smaller episodes. I made it this far. There is no looking back now!
I have a couple books on the way that were recommended and I think I will get some valuable tools from them. Thank you, Bimini!

DriGuy- You touched on the obsessive compulsive aspect. I really do need to look at that in relation to my thoughts. It makes sense. Why have I not thought of all of this before? It does take an outsiders perspective to see things a little more clearly sometimes. As long as I am OPEN I can receive the messages and help.

Sounding off. time for another day in the world of people and people things.