3 Days Sober (This Time)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 10
3 Days Sober (This Time)
I posted a week or so ago, saying I was just starting to go sober... I was looking for perspective.
Well, after a successful NYE night, where I managed to have a reasonably good time, despite turning down the drinks, the following day (New Year's Day) was pretty awful. To put it plainly, I had an enormous fight with my spouse, mostly due to them discovering previously hidden drinking moments. After that, I was kicked out of the house, and going to have to sleep in a car/hotel, anyway, so, clearly, I didn't hold back. I hit the bar, and drank for hours.
It's been 3 days, since. I've made up with my spouse, and am working on sticking to my guns, this time. Last night, though, I probably only slept for about 2 hours, total. I tossed and turned, and spent a good deal of that time just thinking about different aspects of drinking/sobriety. I'd looked up statistics, that indicated many people were way "worse" with their drinking than I was, which of course is one of those simple enabling thoughts. I'm not dwelling on that, but I am asking/reminding myself, here and there, both why I'm doing this (going sober), and why I care so much about drinking, to begin with.
I think the reason I like drinking is that, apart from just relieving anxiety (which is definitely does, at least at first), it also fits archetypes that I've looked up to. The movie drifter, who seems to not have much of a care in the world (and drinks). The buddy after a softball game, who always has the beer in his trunk. The life of the party (again, probably mostly in movies) who drinks a ton. Or, simply the person who drinks plenty, but no one seems to mind, because they carry themselves well enough, or never quite let it get far enough to be a real problem. I ask myself, if so much of the world gets to enjoy this, and I happen to enjoy it even more than the average person, then why live the only life I'll live not being able to? Anyway, I'm clearly not a character in a movie, and I've proven to myself probably 100 times that I'm very, very likely to let things go too far. So here I am.
I've also spent some time thinking about AA's ideas. I'm not a religious person, at all, and while I know that AA doesn't necessarily require that (I think it just requires you believe in a "higher power", which is vague enough to work for most anyone, if they tried), I'm actually starting to use that as a possible advantage. Why am I not religious? Because it just doesn't really make sense to me. It doesn't matter to me that the majority of the people in the country/world are religious; I think what I think. So, why should it matter if the majority of the people in the country/world drink alcohol? Just because a bunch of "cool" people, or movie characters drink, does it mean I need to, in order to get through life with some fun? If I'm going to apply logic to other parts of my life, I need to sit back and look at the bigger picture a little, and be less stubborn about what makes something (or really, someone) fun.
Anyway, I'm clearly rambling. They say a lack of sleep can be just as disorienting as a drink, and I think it's showing. But, I hadn't written since the rough New Year's Day, and I wanted to share some of the random thoughts I'm dealing with. Thanks everyone.
Well, after a successful NYE night, where I managed to have a reasonably good time, despite turning down the drinks, the following day (New Year's Day) was pretty awful. To put it plainly, I had an enormous fight with my spouse, mostly due to them discovering previously hidden drinking moments. After that, I was kicked out of the house, and going to have to sleep in a car/hotel, anyway, so, clearly, I didn't hold back. I hit the bar, and drank for hours.
It's been 3 days, since. I've made up with my spouse, and am working on sticking to my guns, this time. Last night, though, I probably only slept for about 2 hours, total. I tossed and turned, and spent a good deal of that time just thinking about different aspects of drinking/sobriety. I'd looked up statistics, that indicated many people were way "worse" with their drinking than I was, which of course is one of those simple enabling thoughts. I'm not dwelling on that, but I am asking/reminding myself, here and there, both why I'm doing this (going sober), and why I care so much about drinking, to begin with.
I think the reason I like drinking is that, apart from just relieving anxiety (which is definitely does, at least at first), it also fits archetypes that I've looked up to. The movie drifter, who seems to not have much of a care in the world (and drinks). The buddy after a softball game, who always has the beer in his trunk. The life of the party (again, probably mostly in movies) who drinks a ton. Or, simply the person who drinks plenty, but no one seems to mind, because they carry themselves well enough, or never quite let it get far enough to be a real problem. I ask myself, if so much of the world gets to enjoy this, and I happen to enjoy it even more than the average person, then why live the only life I'll live not being able to? Anyway, I'm clearly not a character in a movie, and I've proven to myself probably 100 times that I'm very, very likely to let things go too far. So here I am.
I've also spent some time thinking about AA's ideas. I'm not a religious person, at all, and while I know that AA doesn't necessarily require that (I think it just requires you believe in a "higher power", which is vague enough to work for most anyone, if they tried), I'm actually starting to use that as a possible advantage. Why am I not religious? Because it just doesn't really make sense to me. It doesn't matter to me that the majority of the people in the country/world are religious; I think what I think. So, why should it matter if the majority of the people in the country/world drink alcohol? Just because a bunch of "cool" people, or movie characters drink, does it mean I need to, in order to get through life with some fun? If I'm going to apply logic to other parts of my life, I need to sit back and look at the bigger picture a little, and be less stubborn about what makes something (or really, someone) fun.
Anyway, I'm clearly rambling. They say a lack of sleep can be just as disorienting as a drink, and I think it's showing. But, I hadn't written since the rough New Year's Day, and I wanted to share some of the random thoughts I'm dealing with. Thanks everyone.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi and welcome lostintheclouds 
the problem with taking movie characters as role models is...its not real. 9 out of then times the actors are drinking old tea or ginger ale disguised to be booze.
Unless its a movie bout an alcoholic you'll never see the bender that follows or the pain and shame that comes from that.
Of course you know all this - but its good to see it written out to appreciate how silly it is.
Theres fun and good times to be had sober believe me
D
the problem with taking movie characters as role models is...its not real. 9 out of then times the actors are drinking old tea or ginger ale disguised to be booze.
Unless its a movie bout an alcoholic you'll never see the bender that follows or the pain and shame that comes from that.
Of course you know all this - but its good to see it written out to appreciate how silly it is.
Theres fun and good times to be had sober believe me
D
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Hi! I am also not religious. I’ve also thought about movies and how they make drinking appealing. Even if it’s the grossly sad alcoholic that you root for in movies. The super Heros saving the world with a bottle of scotch by their side. I’ve also have read stories of people worse than me...oh yesss! I’m not as bad ...I can keep drinking! I’m the fun one at parties...(....????). It’s just not at all realistic or true. A book that helped me, keeping in mind I’m not religious, was Naked Mind by Annie Grace. She has a humor real look at it. Perhaps it could resonate with you.
Ramble away as you can see I do that as well. Parties are getting more interesting ...well before Covid shut them down. The fun “drunk” people aren’t really all that fun. It looks different once your on the outside looking in. Many many people do drink. But also, many many people recover. Many sober people! It’s definitely better on this side. Stick with it!
Ramble away as you can see I do that as well. Parties are getting more interesting ...well before Covid shut them down. The fun “drunk” people aren’t really all that fun. It looks different once your on the outside looking in. Many many people do drink. But also, many many people recover. Many sober people! It’s definitely better on this side. Stick with it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Glad you're here. Nothing romantic or heroic about drunks. And btw, most people don't drink much at all. I was shocked when I stopped drinking how many other people in restaurants are drinking water. I didn't realize it before. And 90% of the booze in America is drank by 10% of the population, who by definition are all drinking excessively. Most of the really successful people I admire in business and high tech hardly or don't drink at all. Time to change your archetype.
What does religion have to do with sobriety? I'm not religious. Spiritual yes, religion def not. SR does not have a religious affiliation or framework. Even AA doesn't require one to be religious. Pick any higher power you want if you want to go to AA. But you don't have to in order to quit.
What does religion have to do with sobriety? I'm not religious. Spiritual yes, religion def not. SR does not have a religious affiliation or framework. Even AA doesn't require one to be religious. Pick any higher power you want if you want to go to AA. But you don't have to in order to quit.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, @lostintheclouds. I'm glad you found us here. I can appreciate that idea of the romantic drifter and hard drinking movie hero. But as DEE said, that's not real. The movie drifter won't have to worry about getting cirrhosis of the liver or losing all his teeth! Often the films gloss over the real loss that comes with drinking. A few films do a good job of capturing not only the dark side of drinking the hope of redemption in quitting- I would highly recommend Crazy Heart starring Jeff Bridges. In most films the characters are somehow able to handle the consequences of drinking better than I could, painting an unrealistic picture. But in Crazy Heart the protagonist spirals down in a realistic way, and if forced to examine his life. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I first really understood that I was going to have to change my ways after watching that one.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome to SR lostintheclounds. Folks new to sobriety often get nostalgic about how much fun drinking is, how much fun they are when they drink, how much fun others are when they drink. Usually, others have VERY different opinions about drinkers who view themselves as the "life of the party." Others very often consider them sloppy pains in the asses truth be told. Not fun. Not funny. Not the life of the party. Just sad. I'm not saying that any of that fits you. I'm just saying that the romanticized culture of drinking is full of lies and deliberately sold that way to keep people sick and keep them drinking. I hope you stay on SR and that you get the support you need to leave alcohol in your past.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 10
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and support.
Yeah, I think I came across a little too seriously with the movie character talk. It's most just the idea of losing that veil of anxiety, in social situations. I feel like I have something helping my image, maybe, with that beer in my hand. I realize how silly that might seem to some. What I've found (or remembered), though, is that once I start an activity - a board game, or something I'm actually knowledgeable about, then some of that anxiety washes away on its own. I think I'm just going to have to rebuild/rediscover the personality that I had before I started drinking, rather than my personality being the drink.
Yeah, I think I came across a little too seriously with the movie character talk. It's most just the idea of losing that veil of anxiety, in social situations. I feel like I have something helping my image, maybe, with that beer in my hand. I realize how silly that might seem to some. What I've found (or remembered), though, is that once I start an activity - a board game, or something I'm actually knowledgeable about, then some of that anxiety washes away on its own. I think I'm just going to have to rebuild/rediscover the personality that I had before I started drinking, rather than my personality being the drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Hi Lost, I completely understand what you are saying about those different "fun" personas. While for most of us drinking WAS fun at times in the past and maybe even sometimes even once we are alcoholics it switches to be mostly crappy. Youll see this a lot on these forums. Most here don't deny that they had fun drinking at times but at some point (For most) long ago that changed. It becomes what is trying to ruin our lives and kill us (though still might be fun 5% of the time). I am rambling now. Point is, drinking can be fun but for those of us here it is hell and WILL wreck us. Fastest way back to drinking is to romanticize that damn poison.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by lostintheclouds 
What I've found (or remembered), though, is that once I start an activity - a board game, or something I'm actually knowledgeable about, then some of that anxiety washes away on its own. I think I'm just going to have to rebuild/rediscover the personality that I had before I started drinking, rather than my personality being the drink.
Booze becomes a big crutch. It's a companion when you're lonely and something to pass the time when you're bored. Bad day? Drown your sorrows! Great day? Celebrate with some drinks! It gets to be a circular deal that feeds on itself. The good thing is that just as you learned to use booze to "smooth out" your life you can learn more healthy ways to cope.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Welcome aboard. This place saved my life.
There are a bunch of ways to get and stay clean......as designed.
Everyone here that stays clean for a while understands that booze is almost immediately addictive. It alters the chemicals in the brain and body causing euphoria.
The body slowly stop being able to produce enough natural euphoria chemicals, e.g. dopamine, endorphins etc.
Then the addict relies only on drugs, in my case booze, to feel good, happy, pain free etc etc.
The only way out is suffering and time. My goto move for generating natural happy drugs is exercise. Posting, doing nice things, projects, gratitude, AA, etc etc etc all help. The addict has to want it bad because getting and staying clean hurts like hell. The addiction will do anything to get a fix.
The addiction will say....I feel great, time for a drink. Deny that drink and watch the insanity manifest. Suffering and time.
The addict can take rx meds to help, e.g. for underlying conditions.
This can turn into another addiction, potential deeper relapse (mixing meds and booze), and requires paperwork that identifies the problem officially for things like jobs and insurance.
If a person needs meds, they need them. But, nobody needs booze.
It is a learned behavior. It is not cultural. It can be unlearned. The real you is in there, but it takes a long long long time of suffering to get out. Hence why addiction is difficult to escape.
That is the world according to me.
Thanks for the therapy.
There are a bunch of ways to get and stay clean......as designed.
Everyone here that stays clean for a while understands that booze is almost immediately addictive. It alters the chemicals in the brain and body causing euphoria.
The body slowly stop being able to produce enough natural euphoria chemicals, e.g. dopamine, endorphins etc.
Then the addict relies only on drugs, in my case booze, to feel good, happy, pain free etc etc.
The only way out is suffering and time. My goto move for generating natural happy drugs is exercise. Posting, doing nice things, projects, gratitude, AA, etc etc etc all help. The addict has to want it bad because getting and staying clean hurts like hell. The addiction will do anything to get a fix.
The addiction will say....I feel great, time for a drink. Deny that drink and watch the insanity manifest. Suffering and time.
The addict can take rx meds to help, e.g. for underlying conditions.
This can turn into another addiction, potential deeper relapse (mixing meds and booze), and requires paperwork that identifies the problem officially for things like jobs and insurance.
If a person needs meds, they need them. But, nobody needs booze.
It is a learned behavior. It is not cultural. It can be unlearned. The real you is in there, but it takes a long long long time of suffering to get out. Hence why addiction is difficult to escape.
That is the world according to me.
Thanks for the therapy.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I am much much happier and more content now than I ever was when drinking. No drama, no awful surprises, no regret or shame. You couldn't pay me enough to drink now. I just don't want to do that anymore. Been there, done with that.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
