rodyda

Hi, I’m an admittedly an alcoholic. I’m in my 20’s. When I was in my teens it was not uncommon for my parents to buy alcohol for me and my siblings (mostly beer) but as I graduated my stepdad (who is currently yellow and dealing with cirrhosis) started buying us hard liquor, it wasn’t an every day of week thing. In uni, I didn’t drink everyday but I had developed quite the taste for hard liquor. I was forced to drop out in 2018, and it seemed like much of my human interaction came online (to some extent I’ve always been a bit of a secluded type). My drinking picked up but it was mostly a favorite of my teen years, the four loko. I still dabbled in hard liquor and had days where I did not drink, but in my 2019 I started to lose my battle with depression and drank more though I never felt the effects of it in my everyday life. I was still doing well at work, I was arguably a great employee. But as the year progressed the rails went off and by the end of the year I was downing 12 to 20 shots of the mini plastic bottles of jim beam a day. In 2020, early on I realized something wasn’t right but it felt like an impossible fight. In April I managed to quit for a month but it didn’t last and I went back to it. Then come June I successfully quit again and for the first time in a long time, I had a smile again. Early September I had gotten clear marks after checking with my doctor about my health and me and my stepbrother were riding and he took me to a local liquor store and kind of gassed me up into buying some drinks, I did. A few days of sobriety after that, I had a bad day and bought four lokos, but the next morning I fell back into the binging I had developed. Since this time, I’ve been in a power struggle with the part of me that wants to drink and the part of me that values my life my health and my sobriety. It’s been sober for a week or two then drinking since. This post comes cause the day before New Year’s Eve I was 18 shots of jim beam in on my day off and the next morning I was laying on my bathroom floor. In my current environment I face a lot of enablement, from interacting with my family amongst whom many are drinkers and after talking with them it seems they don’t understand that quitting isn’t just something you just do, they don’t understand that there’s something always pulling you back in. I found this place and figured I’d join and see if being around people who know the struggle might benefit me. I hope to make friends here and hopefully learn from you all and hopefully one day I can also help others. I wish you all a happy and healthy new year.

Anna

Hi rodyda, and Welcome!

You have a great place where we really do understand what you're going through and how hard this is.

I hope you can fully accept that you can't and won't drink. It takes a lot of motivation and you really need to be committed. You will find lots of support here, and know for sure that you can do this.

One thing that helped me in the early days was distancing myself from toxic people in my life. I had a few people, including a close family member, who just pushed all my buttons, so I knew that stepping away for awhile would help me. It's almost impossible for others, who aren't alcoholics, to understand how hard it is for us. That's why it's good to check in here and know that we get it.

AwkwardKitty

Welcome Rodya.
Its so difficult to be surrounded by other heavy drinkers, and that normalisation of alcohol kept me in a bad place for many years. You know, if they can do it so can I...they seem to be functioning..I'm not as bad as them so I'm ok for now.
I finally got to a place where I was able to seperate my journey from other people's. I was able to say is this working for me? And it wasn't, regardless of what other people were doing. My husband continues to drink (he isn't as problematic as I was but certainly it is an unhealthy coping mechanism for him) as well as most people I know, yet here I am 371 days sober, and in the middle of a pandemic I might add, which is causing even the most casual drinker to overstep their limits.
So it is possible for you to achieve sobriety, you just need to be able to focus on YOU and YOUR journey.

MissPerfumado

Hi Rodyda and welcome!

This place is so full of understanding, as well as compassion.

I've just spent a sober New Year's Eve at my sister's house. It used to be that my entire family drank - maybe just my mum was a bit of a 'lightweight'. My sisters and I, plus their husbands, we all drank a lot. When I quit, my sisters were surprised because they didn't think I was 'that bad'. Well, I had a chat with my sister last week at her house and she said she has cut right back because although she never drank as much as I did, she knows she was drinking too much. My going sober made her evaluate her own drinking.

I'm not saying you're going to change your family's habits. What happened to me was I hung out here as much as I could, and relied on the help, testimony, experience and wisdom here, not what my family thought and said. It helped me gain confidence in myself and identify what I needed to do. While I focussed on myself, I became an example for my sister.

You've quit for months at a time before, so you have some experience in it, which is great! You will be able to shore it up with the wonderful assistance from this site.

rodyda

Looking at my stepdad in his current state is like looking at a mirror into the future if I continue down this path. It’s a horrifying sight but it alone doesn’t seem to be enough to deter my mind from the booze. I find that every time I get myself right that it’s often my family that brings it back to my sphere and that as soon as my toes are in the water the next thing I know I’m drowning in the deep end. I never figured I’d fight this so hard cause at times in life I’ve been low down to the point of not caring whether I lived or died, but something clicked and it occurred to me that I don’t want this and I do have a zest for life, and that sobriety is the best path for me.

Dee74

adding my welcome rodyda

D

Hevyn

Very glad to have you with us, rodyda! You've made a wise decision. We're an encouraging group, & we care about you.

Hevyn

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Hevyn

Sorry - for some reason the same thing posted 3 times.

Surrendered19

Welcome rodyda. SR is a great place. Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you are taking your stepdad's situation seriously. There go each of us if we continue to drink. From your description of your history, I think it is decidedly time to stop drinking and leave that in the past. Your family situation might make that difficult but keep in mind that the world is awash in booze and it is everywhere you look. So don't feel like the Lone Ranger. You can do this and I really encourage you to. I might also add that you are SO wise to get this thing figured out and get back on a healthy road while you are so young. We're here to support you on your journey if you think it is time to make changes.

D122y

This place saved my life.

Wish I found it at 20 something like you.

The desire to quit and education starting with SR let me change my lifestyle to a non drinker.

I am an addict for life. I have a healthy fear of booze. Not respect....fear.

Just me.

If you want to be clean, you have come to the right place.

Thanks.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, @rodyda! I'm glad you found us here. You'll find support and understanding at SR.

rodyda

Thank you all so much. The first go round trying to quit failed cause I never had a support network. I googled “forum for alcoholics” and found this. I’ve always talked to people online (as is common for my generation) and figured I could find one here. I see a lot of you all are my seniors and have a lotta experience, wise sages prepared to help me. Glad to be here.

least

Welcome to the family! I credit my sobriety to this forum. I kept trying and failing but the members here encouraged me not to give up and to keep trying. I did, and now I have 11 yrs sober.

I hope our support and collective wisdom can help you get sober for good.

MissyPennington

Welcome! I am very new here but in the last week this has been my go to place. I was a 20+ airplane bottle shots a day myself. I am not a child by any means, but within the last 5 years I lost both of my parents and I wasn't prepared for what that would do to me. I chose to drink. A LOT!! I have lost so much besides my parents in those 5 years. I have a wonderful husband and kids/grand kids that love me so much. I have lost trust and respect with them. I've been at my job over 12 years and I have let them down as well. Thank God all of them have been tough but still love me and have my back as long as I stay on the road to recovery, 33 days and I'm going to kick this addictions ass!! Stay strong!!

MissyPennington

Welcome! I am very new here but in the last week this has been my go to place. I was a 20+ airplane bottle shots a day myself. I am not a child by any means, but within the last 5 years I lost both of my parents and I wasn't prepared for what that would do to me. I chose to drink. A LOT!! I have lost so much besides my parents in those 5 years. I have a wonderful husband and kids/grand kids that love me so much. I have lost trust and respect with them. I've been at my job over 12 years and I have let them down as well. Thank God all of them have been tough but still love me and have my back as long as I stay on the road to recovery, 33 days and I'm going to kick this addictions ass!! Stay strong!!

Libby06

Hi Rodyda. You are in the right place at SR. Just a bunch of people fighting the good fight, trying to help others by sharing their experience.

I wish as could tell you that watching your step-father situation will give you the aha moment, it did not for me. I was 25 when he passed at the age of 51. We had many of nights at the bar or drinking at home with my mom. Some legal age, many not. It didn't help my mom either.. she passed 18 months later.

I quit for a while, but it didn't last. After awhile of sobriety, I thought I had it, and could drink normal. ( FYI, I cannot). Alcohol is tricky. It will tell you its not a problem, while its taking you down.

Have you considered an AA meeting, or zoom? There are many different recovery methods. Definitely keep coming here. It helps so much. Some have gotten sober just coming here to this website, and reading and posting, and following advice.. Its totally whatever you are comfortable with.

I like what was said about avoiding toxic people for awhile, even if it includes family. Just for a while, until you have a handle on being sober. You don't have to explain it to them. My tribe would never of understood, as they were content to carry on drinking.

I wish I had kept my quit after losing my mom, but I didn't, and I stayed pretty drunk for 15 years until I got out. I quit so so many times. Now I have almost 5 years, and a lot of it is from AA and these forums.

I wish you well, and hope to see you keep posting.