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I’m in a bad way

Old 01-06-2021, 08:06 PM
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Still sober and I intend to stay that way but I feel so alone and so lost. That serenity and hope I had attained seems to be be completely lost. Everyone know I’m reading all of your posts. But I am in survival mode. I have very little to give. I’m so scared and feeling alone. I believe in God, I’ve been searching for him. If he knows where I am, why won’t he come and get me. I’ve been carrying a lot of water for a long time. I don’t know how to get help. I will get through tonight and hope for better tomorrow.
I called and spoke to about 10 alcoholics today though. Kind of helped, kind of didn’t.

Wishing you all the best. We all need each other at different times. I’ll need you all more soon.
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Old 01-06-2021, 08:18 PM
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That where we all start BABM, - but you're not alone.
I don;t think you're lost either - there;s a good road and a bad one to take....and you know which is which

Things will get better a little ways down the right road.

D
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Old 01-06-2021, 08:46 PM
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Dear Babm, I have been drunk for over 25 years. I believe in God and have also cried out. I had a health scare in March and quit cold turkey and I made a promise to God which I know I need to keep (maybe I need to give to God too, a two way relationship). I am surprised I am still alive. I also did not want to lose the battle in front of my family. And, who would take care of my cats?! I am 311 days sober. I do not think I could go through starting over again, God and the thought of starting over helps. The daily readings on the forum have really helped me. Every morning I ask God for another sober day and every evening I thank God on my knees for the day I just got through. Things are good. I am praying for you. You will be on my prayer list every night. You can do it!
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Old 01-06-2021, 08:51 PM
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Welcome KKat - congrats on 311 days - awesome

D
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Old 01-06-2021, 08:55 PM
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When I feel I'm in a bad spot I try and figure out my purposes. No matter how big or small. What is my role? How can I serve God? No matter how insignificant something may seem.

I try and just trust God and let him be in charge. He put me on this Earth and despite how rocky things have been at times, he hasn't given me more then I can handle. I shouldn't want or expect anything. God knows better than I do what I need. My way makes a mess. How can I serve others?



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Old 01-06-2021, 09:24 PM
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Still sober and I intend to stay that way
Repeat this over and over again like a mantra. Say it to the man in the mirror and look him in the eye when you do. Say it with conviction, because I know you have that in spades.

I called and spoke to about 10 alcoholics today though. Kind of helped, kind of didn’t.
Kind of helped is a good start and way better than no help. It is a sign of moving forward and progress. Even with baby steps, you can complete a marathon if you take enough of them.

I remember the first days of sobriety all too well because I have so many of them. I remember feeling like muddy water left to stand in a glass. The good news is little by little, the sediment sinks to the bottom and the water becomes pure. Time takes time. Trust the process.
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Old 01-06-2021, 09:28 PM
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Wait, there’s water and dirt in this bucket?!! Looks and smells like something else!!

Thanks Nez ❤️
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Old 01-06-2021, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by BeABetterMan View Post
Wait, there’s water and dirt in this bucket?!! Looks and smells like something else!!

Thanks Nez ❤️
Actually, you sat that "water" down for 5'ish or so months. Sit it down again and continue walking forward. Seek help,reach out, pray, meditation or whatever you're into....just don't pick that "water" up again no matter what.
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Old 01-06-2021, 09:38 PM
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Wait, there’s water and dirt in this bucket?!! Looks and smells like something else!!
So let the water filter out through the leech lines and call the septic company to pump the bucket.
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Old 01-06-2021, 11:23 PM
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Your sense of humour is returning BABM.

These feelings will pass and you will again experience the serenity. Maybe even a better version.
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Old 01-09-2021, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by BeABetterMan View Post
Erica, could you PM me? I’d like to resolve whatever I did to hurt your feelers.
BABM, we're good. I shouldn't have said that. My issues are not your fault. I'm so happy you found your beloved cat.
Peace.
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Old 01-09-2021, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Erica375 View Post
BABM, we're good. I shouldn't have said that. My issues are not your fault. I'm so happy you found your beloved cat.
Peace.
Very appreciated Erica.
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Old 01-09-2021, 09:31 AM
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How are you doing BABM?
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Old 01-09-2021, 09:40 AM
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BABM, I hope that you will be able to feel some connection with some of us members here. True, we don't get to see you face-to-face but, I know I am not alone in thinking about you throughout the day and sending good thoughts your way. You are not alone.
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Old 01-09-2021, 11:50 PM
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I absolutely cherish the love and support I get here. I am overwhelmed right now, in a good way, with tears in my eyes. I feel valuable. That is not common for me. I wish I could thank each of you individually but there have been some really special posts at some really critical times lately. Thank you all so very much.

Oh, I’m also sober, 6.22 days
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Old 01-10-2021, 12:03 AM
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Oh, BABM, I've been wishing and hoping, and here you are. Hate to see a good man go down. And you know how I feel about men. It's a long story.

Nearly a week up. And the future will be kind to you because you are valuable. So says me.

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Old 01-10-2021, 12:25 AM
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Originally Posted by RecklessDrunk View Post
When I feel I'm in a bad spot I try and figure out my purposes. No matter how big or small. What is my role? How can I serve God? No matter how insignificant something may seem.

I try and just trust God and let him be in charge. He put me on this Earth and despite how rocky things have been at times, he hasn't given me more then I can handle. I shouldn't want or expect anything. God knows better than I do what I need. My way makes a mess. How can I serve others?
This post has really been kicking around in my head. Also input from another AA that was, accurately, describing how I’m constantly taking my will and my life back from God. It’s something I struggle with and intend to get help on.
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Old 01-10-2021, 02:21 AM
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Originally Posted by BeABetterMan View Post
I moved, one of my cats disappeared and I pissed away 5 months of sobriety.
Have not read the entire thread. Cmon bro, you're gonna be ok. You have been a rock to me. hang in there
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Old 01-10-2021, 06:24 AM
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Congrat on 6.22 days. Hey that is huge....I hope you are starting to feel some relief from detox hell and some reprieve from that alcohol induced anxiety. The only way is forward. And, as you know, it gets incrementally better. And then the work begins.....

Your thread struck me. I appreciate you sharing because it helps me so much to remember.....it will never, ever work. Alcohol that is. And it's stunning isn't it that there are times, even after a lot of non drinking time, that I need to be reminded of that. I mean seriously. I don't need to be reminded that stubbing my toe hurts like hell. That's a really crappy analogy but seriously. I 'remember' that pain viscerally. But detox? Ok yeah, I remember that too. But its different. I dunno what I'm trying to say. I'm not an AA but cunning, baffling and powerful truly are the best 3 words to describe alcoholism. Hands down.
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Old 01-10-2021, 08:43 AM
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Entropy, I have a tattoo on my forearm that says ‘CBP’. I’ll let you guess what it stands for
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