sortofhomecomin

AA has a lot of sick people who preach the mantra "we are all sick people trying to get well" as a rationalisation for their anti-social behaviour and in fact to avoid and postpone "getting well", and behave in a manner which wouldn't be seen as acceptable in pretty much any other voluntary social group. Some - not all - long termers are among the sickest - sober from alcohol but not sober in any other way. Some attempt to use it to treat problems other than alcoholism, such as personality disorders and mental illness (other than addiction). The above are my observations based on attendance at 300+ meetings, sharing at many of them, and including doing service and chairs.

I would advise however trying a few different meetings before turning your back on AA completely. Alternatives to AA include Lifering and Smart Recovery. I personally prefer Lifering but that is just a personal preference.

Dee74

Quote:

"we are all sick people trying to get well" as a rationalisation for their anti-social behaviour and in fact to avoid and postpone "getting well",

in the Big Book I read, the whole point is to get better not stay 'sick'.
I'd avoid folks with that quoted viewpoint.

Just sayin'.

Guys,
Lets remember this is a big community and a lot of methods are being used here.

Sharing your experience, even if it's bad, should be done with respect out of consideration for those fellow SR members whose experience might not match yours.

Dee
Administrator
SR

advbike

AA works for some people and not others, and that's fine. But it's not the only approach. After countless meetings here and abroad, considerable Big Book study, 3 sponsors and step work that brought up a lot of emotional baggage with no way to make amends several decades later.. it just didn't work for me personally. But I met many people in the groups that were happy and sober for a long time.

For me personally I have found counseling to be helpful, and reading books about ego, and our ways of thinking, along with regular participation here at SR, where I originally found my 3+ years of sobriety and learned about the AV and ways to combat it. And the classrooms.. no other program gave me what SR has. However some people do great with AA. Or both. It really works well for those who need it.

SnazzyDresser

Thanks to a marvelous online website called Sober Recovery(!), I was a year and a half sober before I ever attended an AA meeting. It was a Saturday night speakers meeting, and after the first 3 or 4 I thought it was great, people were very welcoming and friendly to me, and it was conveniently right up the street too. Anyway, long story short was that when they found out that I wasn't really looking to be sponsored, they stopped being quite as nice, shall we say. And this bewildered me, to have what seemed very petty social concerns rise up in what a setting that seemed like it should be way above that.

So I stopped going there and tried out other AA groups, all over San Antonio here, one was a militantly atheist one that was run by these weirdo 2 retired physicians, a man and a woman, that met in a small room at a big Universalist Unitarian church every weeknight. And I got to know them and about some of their ideas about sobriety and AA, and it was again just as fascinating as hell and I feel like it did me and my sobriety a lot of good.

And then earlier this year I found what I consider to be my ideal AA group, more mainstream AA but also in line with my own ideas, and I was really loving it but this was March and the Covid Plague and the lockdown powers that be threw a wrench in that machine. Weird how things work out!

Anyway, Pinky don't let those ladies get you down. Sobriety and AA the organization both contain multitudes and are way bigger than petty social concerns that crop up.

Zencat

People can be rude, its a sad fact. The subject was well covered by other SR members.

I learned I cant expect to be treated kindly by all I meet. I can however control my reaction to unkind treatment. To me some people are just surly and disagreeable and they are great teachers of 'what not to become'

bandicoot2

Pinky, I'm sorry you had that experience. I've been to a few AA meetings and enjoyed the fellowship.
Personally though I've learned so much more about the principles of AA through listening to online stories. (there are thousands to choose from) I love the outdoors and especially walking and hiking so I listened online while getting in my exercise. The online version is easy to find in the U.S. Sorry but not sure about the U.K.

Vik88

Pinky, i like to walk and listen to some music and when i feel down or just want a drink i just look back to the community i've gotten here and it makes me smile during those walks because i know people are here and going the same hardship and i can come back here to some support.

ZIP

I'll ditto what Snazzy' described in his post.
I was required to attend AA meetings for a year in conjunction with a year-long outpatient program. I chose not to get a sponsor or officially complete the steps.
Because I had to attend so many meetings, I bounced around at several AA locations. In the beginning, It felt a little odd, because the regulars knew I wasn't looking for sponsorship. But after a few meetings, everyone realized I was going to keep showing up. I HAD to, in order to get my attendance cards signed for my outpatient program.
The experience was totally worth it. I would listen to the stories and advice from others and retain some tidbits I considered valuable. People knew my name and would greet me....It was actually enjoyable to attend most meetings as I became a regular...
Although I no longer attend meetings much, it was a great tool that helped me early in the sobriety journey. Like the others here have said, give it another shot...even if you have to try a different meeting location. Don't let the Puzzling Personalities bother you....

Jillga

Pinky, I have had much the same experience. I understand how hurtful and frustrating that can be. I would suggest 3 things--
Try other meetings--each one has its own personality and people
Go to AAhomegroup.org for 24/7 zoom mtgs--I have really liked them
If AA isn't your thing, as others have said, there are several options these days for true recovery--different paths to the same end. Find the one that works best for you

I still do AA online. I have a higher power, have had 3 sponsors, done the steps, read the book 5 times, volunteered, etc...maybe I am one of the "unfortunates" but I don't think so. I think God's plan for me and my recovery looks different than His plan for the person next to me. I know God has a beautiful plan for you and each step you take, even the wobbly ones, are giving you a new sober life. We are always learning. Maybe from those 2 ladies you are learning what kind of supportive help you want to be for others on this road. I love SR and am excited to have found it! The folks here are so supportive, encouraging, vulnerable and kind.