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Hi all,

Checking in, nearly 6 months sober for me now, I've embraced aa this time around and getting stronger each day of which I appreciate

One thing that often niggles away at me each day is my fear of ageing, fear of losing people around me and not living life to the fullest potential. Some days it's a nagging and other days it can be persistent overwhelming thoughts of one day I'm not going to be here, that everyone is going to be dead and what's the point of everything. I know that sounds pretty extreme and I do tend to overthink, which doesn't help in all situations

I'm not sure I'm articulating it very well, I just worry about my mum and dad and people around me. I'm 36, not exactly old by a long stretch. I know these concepts are rooted in fear but sometimes I find it difficult to shake and it stops me from enjoying my life at times

I've taken the first step, admitting I'm powerless over alcohol, but there is so much more for me to discover and life scares me

Has anyone experience of this, I try and practice gratitude, I've got a great family, daughter and beautiful girlfriend and they all need me. I just sometimes feel like I'm sinking back into feeling sad, think I need someone to just zap me into action haha!

Stewy x

If you find that your fear is interrupting your life, please consult your Dr. There are several things that could be going on and a Dr can help pinpoint those.
That being said, I worry about these things also on occasion. Try to remember this is why we need to be Sober, so we can Live life while we have the good health to do so. Regret is the worst.

Have you been working the steps? Many of the things that you are talking about, are out of your hands or control. You need to turn it over. If you don't think you're living to your life to your fullest potential, start taking steps to rectify the situation. What you get out of sobriety, is what you put into it.

Well. I just left Youtube and this is the first thing I read...what a coincidence... I was watching videos about aging and people getting in shape in their 70s and 80s (I recently turned 46 and almost a year sober). I was trying to lift my spirits because I'm thinking about aging and death a lot (I always did). I think I was a bit worse when I was your age though...approaching 40 and all. Now I'm past the 45 mark...50 is on the horizon. Yikes!

For me, the solution seems to be coming down to a combination of spirituality and learning to live in the moment. When I'm feeling spiritually connected, there is no death, but instead a transition that awaits. But still, the thought of ever being disconnected from my husband or daughter just breaks me inside. I worry about them way too much.

Here's a thought that helps me sometimes. I think of myself as an elderly person, filled with gratitude for having done all that I can do, but tired too and wanting to rest. I see myself ready to move to the next level, with open arms. Ok, that's enough of that!

I also think about my husbands nan, who lived to be 99. She was very spiritual and WANTED to leave this earth from about the age of 95. So why am I here worrying about something that is inevitable and could actually be a good experience when the time comes? Who knows what we will be like when the time comes?

Really, I think this is something a lot of people struggle with but because it's so dark, many of us don't want to talk about it.

BTW, congrats on your sober time!

Sounds like an "existential/midlife crisis". I'm 42 and had the same thoughts the past few years. The way someone put it to me was that God created time to encourage us to pursue goals/love/Him/sobriety, whatever. If we lived forever then today would lose its unique flavor. The fear is meant to be a slight nudge that accompanies the other rich things in our lives. Trouble with us drunks is we've wasted so many good things that sometimes the fear is almost all that's left. But we have today sober to accept the riches He and our loved ones give us. Even one little good thing done or received sober means more to me than all the bad from my years drunk. And if it wasn't for those drunk years, I wouldn't appreciate the gift of the good things now. I guess what I'm saying is, Congratulations, you're normal! What also helps me is to remember everyone else has this stuff going on inside them, which makes it easier for me to be patient with them (or, more often, to make amends after I fail at patience!)

I am also starting to have some COVID blues, which makes all these things seem bigger, at least for me.

We’re all struggling with this annoying Covid situation. I can’t think of anyone who’s not affected.

If we look at the Spanish flu, that mutated (that word again that sounds so scary but is natural - us humans mutated from an ape like form called homo hablis) into colds and flu within a couple of years. The best we can do is hang on in there. As far as we know, drinking alcohol doesn’t cure Covid so that won’t help :)

Btw, well done, Alcoman. Can’t you change that username? :)

Thanks all for some great advice here

Maybe I haven't found my higher power or my full belief in god yet. I want to though

My friend just said I've got too much mental energy and I need to push myself more, maybe it's that

I'm at uni and working full time but feel I need more and to push more

It's hard haha but got another day gift tomorrow to go again

hey Stewy

I think fears like that are pretty common with non alcoholics too - but they are particularly common with alcoholics.
Fear was the fuel of my addiction. Fear kept me drinking. I was always leaping ahead, pursued by phantoms.

Drinking was, in many ways, a crazy maladaptive way of trying to control the parameters of my world.

As a sober guy I have to accept I cannot control everything that happens to me - I can prepare for things I can see up ahead, I can have a support network ready ...but there will always be 'ambushes' and surprises.

What recovery has given me is an unshakeable belief that I'll be OK, no matter what - and dependent of course on me staying in recovery.

I've been through a lot in my lfie and I've come through it all - there's no reason to expect that won;t continue.

I trust the same is true for you Stewy.

D

The very fact that we can even postulate a power greater than ourselves points to one. If we were truly bound by our rational faculties the idea of a "god" outside of us would never occur to us. To say nothing of the "want" we all have to answer that question. These are classic, awesome questions and exercises. I believe they make life worth living :c031:

Hi Stewy,

Everything you've articulated seems very familiar to me.

I'm 47 and I credit my spiritual growth with giving me a completely new outlook on life.

Two things have helped me a lot. First, was learning to trust. Trust the unfoldment, trust the process, trust that we are capable of dealing with anything that comes our way. It helps to live in the moment, to realise that anxiety about the future is sending our mind somewhere that hasn't happened yet and may never happen while depression about the past is sending our mind somewhere that cannot be changed and should thus be accepted.

I've also learned to feel into my heart more. I am a 'mental' person, I've spent most of my life in my mind. I'm learning to drop into my heart. The heart is where trust happens. Faith in a higher power comes from the heart, not the mind. Just as it is with love, compassion and kindness. The mind is a powerful thing but it should serve our hearts, not the other way around, IMHO. The heart longs to love, to sing with joy, but the mind tells it all these stories. I'm learning to tell the mind to just shush for a bit and let the heart lead. Even so-called fearful things to the heart are lessons - lessons perhaps in compassion, perhaps in temperance, perhaps in gratitude.

In this way, life is a journey, and things happen moment-by-moment. There is nothing to be feared.

You can always make a "Higher Power" box and put whatever you're worried about on paper into it. It's a process. Considering you're willing to believe, even just a little bit, is a huge accomplishment! Keep going.

It's so good to see you, Stewy. Congratulations on almost 6 mos. free.

I am 100% positive the holiday season is the hardest time for us addicts.

I get time off from work and just feel festive.

Back in my old drinking days, I would be drunk and passed out every night. I would drink myself sick and then drink while sick. Yay?

I just ate some cheesecake. While I was eating it, I was in heaven. The creamy sweet cake and the graham cracker crust.

I love all the ways and reasons not to drink. I use them all.

I love waking up as strong as God allows me, stone sober and a teeny bit stronger than the day before. I know I am getting older, but I am still healing from my drinking days.

Thanks for the therapy.