Anna

You can still stop drinking today and begin your Day 1. Have faith, PureSelf, that you can do this.

TiredCarpenter

Be gentle with yourself.
Recovery is about picking yourself up and trying again even when its hard.

Delilah1

Hi Pureself,

I am glad you came here and posted. One thing I have learned Andy worked hard on in recovery isn’t mindfulness and living in the present. You cannot change what happened yesterday, or this past week, but you can make today your day one.

If you have alcohol in the house get rid of it, and then make a plan for today. If you aren’t sure what to do hang out here and read and post. If you are up to it try to get out for a walk. Think about what worked well for you the 40 days you were sober, prior to the few days before you started thinking about drinking. What were some of the things that worked most, use some of those strategies to help you today.

You can do this. I promise you that sobriety is worth it.

Sasha4

I remember times like this.
Having some time then drinking again.

I remember the intense self hatred. The hideous feelings of regret and sadness. I felt like I wanted to punish myself.
To me that was what defined how my drinking was different to everyone else's.
No-one else went through the extreme self loathing like I did.

I also remember that once I learnt about alcohol and problem drinking, I never drank easy again. If that makes sense.

I finally got it almost 9 years ago.
I realised one New Year that if I didn't want to feel so bad - physically and emotionally - then I shouldn't drink.

It was a simple light bulb moment.
It was drink that made me feel so bad.
Nothing else - work, relationships, finances, friendships, whatever - only drink made me hate myself.

I hope you feel better soon.

Dee74

hows it going pureself?

D

Pureself

I'm doing ok thanks Dee. I've been on this road for so long now, I first properly acknowledged that I had a serious drinking problem in 2013 so thats a good 7 years of wavering levels of trying to moderate, being on the wagon, off the wagon, pain and most importantly not living to my potential and true self.

I really do see the bigger picture now, I don't even want to "moderate" I hate alcohol, in any amount it only brings the negative. I have come to accept that my av may always be there in some form. I have always thought that to achieve long term sobriety the av would have to completely go away but I'm not sure that's realistic. I'd rather crave a drink occasionally than crave sobriety. Sobriety is life.

All this being said I drank yesterday, its 8am here right now and I'm sober now.

Delilah1

Glad you are here this morning (still night here). Make today your day one!