GoodLife32

I had 81 days sober. Made it through Xmas party’s and a bunch of other ********... had the worst cravings ever last night but I fought it. But today around noon I went to store and grabbed a 12 pack, and proceeded to drink it.

I don’t know why I do what I do. Felt so good and strong, but i cave now

babycat

Dump it out now love! It sucks but I promise you wont regret it!!You already know this tho. Hugs

Bubovski

Yeah it can kinda sneak up. Still, if 81 was your personal best thats the figure to beat. Craving or no craving in the big picture its never worth it.
Merry Christmas-

BrianK

GoodLife you and I might be related! Seriously, just like you, when the pressure is on, I can withstand any temptation, but when the struggle is past and I have some downtime? That's when I stumble! And I was just talking to a friend about this very thing last night. Some of us don't know what to do with downtime. We're so used to going, doing, achieving, fighting, even if it's fighting the good fight fight, that when the pressure let's us we don't know what to do with ourselves. And after living an alcoholic life, we're almost always under some kind of pressure. He told me I am going to have to learn to have downtime, to realize it's a reward for hard work and it's ok not to have to be doing something every moment. That was a eye-opener. Like, it was right in front of my face, but I couldn't see it till someone else pointed it out. At least that's the way it seems to be for me. But reading your post was like looking in the mirror. Peace to you and keep coming back!

Sammy1980

Okay but it doesn't give you the okay to continue. Just move on like it never happened.

advbike

Happens to the best of us. Me many times. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the saddle.

Thanks for posting instead of hiding in shame. Way to go!

Hevyn

I'm sorry this happened, GoodLife. I've done the same thing many times. I was finally disgusted & exhausted enough to give up the idea that I could ever have even a sip. It is now almost 13 yrs. since my last drink - so I know you can get free too.

Dee74

Like others have said - it happens - particularly if you're fighting it alone and not calling in reinforcements.
Not beating you up but posting here before you drank could have changed the outcome...and that's worth remembering..

Still, you have the power to turn this around
Dump the rest.

Make this a small mistake, not a continuing disaster...give yourself the gift of a sober christmas.

D

nez

Hey GoodLife32, I can relate, sounds all too familiar. My MO in early recovery was that I would make it sober through hard episodes and then when things were going good, I would reward??? myself by drinking. Totally insane and illogical, but that sums up alcoholic thinking.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. -Albert Einstein”

I needed to change my thinking. Living sober was the reward. Drinking was a punishment that I didn't deserve.

Erica375

"Done"? I think not! Pick yourself up and keep going. You were sober 81 days and you did not magically lose all of what you learned in those 81 days because you made one mistake.

Learn from this experience. What did you do right? What went wrong?

About 2 months ago I freaked out after a medical situation (PTSD I thought I'd conquered) and drank. I said at the time I felt so out of control. Almost feral. Like I would have gnawed my leg off if it was in a trap. I was terrified of medical settings, yet yesterday I spent the entire day and evening in an emergency room (not alcohol-related) and was calm and pleasant to the staff.

In the past I have felt the urge to rip open the throats of the poor ER staff with my teeth. Never did it, hid it pretty well because I respect medical personnel, but I envisioned it.

Learn from this. Build on your 81 days of success. Stay here with us. Read and post. Do not ever give up on yourself.

GoodLife32

Thank you everyone for responding. Not sure how this happened, felt like a million bucks but still drank

Erica375

Yeah... well, that happens. If you have anything left, pour it out. Go to bed. Try again tomorrow. Most of us didn't get it on the first, or the hundred and first, time.

Don't give up on yourself.

SnazzyDresser

81 days is a solid accomplishment and something to build on going forward. Don't be discouraged by this temporary setback, just start again with a sober tomorrow. Living sober is a skill that can be mastered over time, that's without question. Your bright sober future is up ahead waiting.

Gabe1980

Oh Hun, I feel for you. 90 days seems to be my relapse number. Sending some love ❤️

Mizz

Hello!
How are you today?

GoodLife32

Thank you everyone for responding. I ended up drinking for the next few days , but I am now recommitted to staying sober. Crazy how quick things can get away from you..

I got lucky that nothing real bad happened during this mini bender, but that probably has more to do with the lockdown and most places bring closed. I tend to get very out of control when drunk.

I did not drink yesterday or today. I have been filled with self hatred and depression over the last 2 days. This is a great reminder of why I can’t drink. When I am sober I am so happy, have no depression, and and I am great at life. Drinking just causes anxiety and depression, and turns me into a shell of my regular self.

I just don’t know how it happened. I all of a sudden had the worst urge of my life to drink.

Thanks again everyone.

nez

Knowing how is not as important at this time, as knowing what to do if it starts to happen again. How will start to reveal itself as recovery progresses.

In early recovery, a wise man told me that this was not the time for thinking, that could come later. Thinking just complicates things and most alcoholics do that easily enough. For now, just learn to feel. If it feels right, not to be confused with good, huge difference, if it feels right, then follow it. Learn to trust the feeling and don't listen to your thinking. That can come with time and recovery.

The longer I am in recovery, the more I know exactly what the old timer was telling me.

Chancellor

Hey Goodlife,
I had 108 days and then decided to try to drink again like a "normal" person. Like every warning I read, they were all right, it just doesn't work. So I'm back with you, for me day 4. Keep strong.

GoodLife32

This is so true... every time I relapse it is always when I am feeling great. If something negative happens to me when sober, no problem staying sober at all. However it always seems to happen when I am at my happiest and feeling great..... the crazy part about it is the after a bender my hangovers last 3-4 days, and throw me into a horrid depression

Khorhey

Yeah you start feeling normal and think you’re normal. Don’t focus so much on you lost 81 days. Or how many days you drank. You had beer one day. 1

Just focus on other stuff and don’t fall into doing it every day. I know if I start it’s going to be 10 a day every day. So it’s just pointless and dumb. Especially when it takes days to feel halfway normal again. It gets old.