SendSleep

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing well and okay!! I’ve relapsed ((( mg grandfather died of COVID and I miss him terriblyyy and it’s not fair and I didn’t get to say goodbye And I’m a mess and I did it to myself and I hate myself and I haven’t slept in 2 days and I just can’t stop and my sister called and I can’t call her back b/c then will know I’m high and I’m so disappointed and I’m so so so s sorry! And I feel lkke EVERYONE knows I’m high and I know I need to stop and sleep and I have work tomorrow but I’ll call out and I know I messed up really badly and I feel bad and want to sleep and I want to get sober again and stay that way!! I really do and I’m really sorry for rambling and my thoughts seem all jumbled and idk if I’m making sense and I know I need to Stop but I like the feeling but I need to stop and I need sleep and I’m sorry for rambling. I hope everyone is doing okay!!

silentrun

I hope you can get some sleep and start again tomorrow.

SendSleep

thank you!!!! I really hope so!! I just have WAY too much energy and thoughts and Idk where to go from here and idk if I’m making sense sorry. I just need to sleep but idk if that’s happening sorry I know I did it to myself ugh I hate myself and I feel like everyone knows I’m high ugh

silentrun

It's never as great as we convince ourselves it is before we use. Next time that thought pops into your head remember this is the reality.

Mizz

Drink some hot tea. Take a hot bath. Turn off the lights and electronics and really try to quiet your mind. You may not sleep but at least you will be giving your body a rest.

Steely

I'd call in sick tomorrow. You need to rest.

I'm sorry about your grandfather.

Keep coming here for the support you need.

There would be few, if any here, who have not relapsed.

You are not alone.

Hevyn

SendSleep - I'm glad you posted about what happened. I'm very sorry for the loss of your grandfather.
Now you'll be even more motivated - you know getting high again was a mistake & it only leads to misery. You can stop and stay stopped - there is no doubt.

Dee74

I;m really sorry for your loss SendSleep.

What I would do now is stop drinking, if you haven;t already. Drink some water, maybe eat a little if you can and try and lie down and rest - close your eyes at least if sleep doesn't come.

Things will get better the longer you're away from your last drink

D

stickyone

My heart goes out to you and your family for your lost. If you have to vent then just let it out better than holding it all in. I would take the day off tomorrow and rest up the mind body and heart. Dealing with a loss of a family member is always difficult. Take care of yourself, tomorrow is another day. Stay well

SendSleep

yes. That’s truee!! Will need to keep a sticky note of this!

SendSleep

thanks!! I’d tried laying in the dark and I nsg can’t sleep b/c I’ve got so many thoughts in the mind. Idk I’d sleep is happening on Adderall but restinggg is worth a shot. Thank you!

SendSleep

thankk you. It happened so fast ahddd I never got to say goodbye whichhh destroyed me. This site has been so helpful and I try not to beat myself oher it and I just feel so bad about relapsing

SendSleep

thank you! I appreciate it. I need to stop andd I hope I can. It isn’t helping. Thank youu

SendSleep

thabks!! Haven’t ate yet cuz I’m not hungry but wiki try for the water and trying to rest, hopefully tomorrow is betterrr, thank you

SendSleep

THANK YOU!!! It’sas just hard cuz I never got to say goodbye and I can’t evenn speak to my sister because me she’ll know I’m high and they will cause issue and we just started getting alonggg again. I’ll going to take the day tomorrow to restr and recover and I just wanna to sleep but I can’t atm. Thank you again and stay well too!

Steely

Good idea to wait until you speak with your sister. Get you head together best you can and seek rest. Water is important.

My brother died in nursing home during a lockdown here, and understand the hurt, the feelings all over the shop.
I know in my heart that he would not want want me to get high over it.

Your thoughts will be scattered so try best you can to rest. It's what you need right now. That, and NOT picking up.

Things will improve gradually by just taking these first simple steps.

Tomorrow is another day. A better day.

Anna

I'm very sorry for the loss of your grandfather, especially that you didn't get a chance to see him.

I hope you decide to stop drinking now and get back on track. Get some rest, drink some water, eat something and you will be okay.

stickyone

I deeply understand the pain of not getting to say goodbye to someone you love.. And also the pain of saying goodbye to your love. What has helped me don't isolate yourself call a friend a family member who close. But if you choose to be alone it's okay too. Check in tomorrow let the SR family know how you are feeling.

snitch

Oh wow. I am so so sorry for your loss and I understand exactly how you feel as I was unable to say goodbye to my beautiful nan before she passed, many years ago now and I would drink over that pain. I didn't know your grandad but I feel confident that he would not want you drinking or using over his passing and to be in this kind of pain. I know that my nan would not have wanted that for me.

As addicts and alcoholics our old solution when we are in pain is to drink and use to take that pain away however as you are experiencing now, it doesnt take it away only makes it 100 times worse.

You've slipped up but dont beat yourself up. You dont have to drink or use again stay close for support, dont pick up again and get back on the sober train. I know the feelings are painful but as painful as they are they won't kill you. we can get through anything without a drink or a drug.

Sending you lots of love and prayers

♥️🙏

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sorry for your loss! I'm sure you grandfather wouldn't want you to suffer though. I know you can get back to sobriety!