slayingthedrago

Hello everyone- good to be back here on SR after a brief (3 mos) stint back in '14. I thought I had it all under control, thought I could live happily alongside my gin bottle but the inevitable occured. Losing wife, job, house as I speak. At least my 3 children are still speaking to me which is keeping me going. Had the most horrendous withdrawals Tues/Wed of this past week. Wound up in the ER as I thought I was going to go insane. I remember thinking that I had to hang on as if I didn't, I wouldn't get back to the real world. I have never been as terrified as I was, nor felt as low as I did. I understand the term rock bottom even more than I thought I did. ER gave me some valium and I.V's and I prayed for the first time in a decade. I am still shaky today but hopeful. I attempted to go to an AA meeting last night but I think the snow storm may have cancelled it. I also am not sure if Covid is even allowing people to hold AA meetings these days. I'll keep looking for the weekend as I know this one needs to stick or I won't be on the planet any longer. And, I want to be on this planet- I know there is a lot of beauty in this world that no sickness nor toxic politics can ruin. thanks for listening...

Wastinglife

I have had several rock bottoms. I seem to be unable to stop digging. I have lost multiple jobs, multiple relationships, been in the ER more times than I can count. I am currently single and unemployed due mainly to my drinking. Alcohol is a rapacious creditor. It will take everything! I'm sober now and am determined to make it through this pandemic without a relapse. There are online AA Zoom meetings if in-person meetings are canceled.

biminiblue

Keep praying, sounds like you got your answer. I had the Serenity Prayer on a constant loop in my head in early sober days.

Welcome back.

vkf

Welcome back!.. 96 hours is good man, keep it going. Been said lots of times in here but make a good solid plan. The online AA meetings are 24 hrs a day so just jump on 1 and go for it. Really no excuses not to be able to catch one.

Keeping busy with that and locking down a plan will hopefully help you forget about the withdrawals for a bit too. Did me anyway.

slayingthedrago

thank you all- feels good to know I am not alone. This disease is such a lonely one despite the revelry and "fun" I think I had been having. I need a plan, yes. I have Dee's link saved in my bookmarks. This weekend will be a good time to start writing down things. Anyone have an opinion on how the Zoom AA meetings are working out? I have done enough zoom via work to last a lifetime- I supposed its better than not having any options but it seems like it will be kind of an empty experience. Maybe I am just feeling empty : )

Sober45

Congratulations on 96 hours! Keep praying and trust in yourself and the power of change. I drank every day for many years but here I am now with almost a year sober. The more sober time you have, the clearer the path forward will become. It may not seem like it now, but in time, you'll be able to find enjoyment without alcohol. I used to think life would never be quite as good without a drink but today I realize that was just the addiction speaking. You got this.

vkf

The zoom meetings worked for me but everyone is different. I was able to reach out to a buddy who is 20 years sober and he was able to hook me up with a guy that sponsored me.

All that said it started with doing AA zoom meetings. I've got almost 7 months and not a single slip. Just try a couple, not going to hurt anything. All you got to do is sign in and listen.

advbike

Good job on making the decision to quit permanently. You can absolutely do it, especially since you're through the worst part!

slayingthedrago

thank you advbike- I would like to think I'm thru the worst part but that might just be the worst "physical" part. It's the mental part that scares me. I used to drink only when I was in a good mood and then that became, I'm not in a good mood right now, how can I get in a good mood?- why drink of course! And then, I would have my 2-5 hours of "fun" and think I was happy but deep down I knew I was on a hamster wheel/Groundhog Day situation. I am currently alternating between giddy and miserable at my situation. The absurdity of it all.

advbike

You're right. The first 4-5 days are when the physical withdrawal cravings are worst -then it becomes a mental game after that, which is what trips most of us up. There are many strategies for dealing with that part.

AA meetings, posting here on SR regularly, AVRT approach, etc.. We all find a method that (hopefully) works for us.

I have had fairly long-term sobriety and at that point one doesn't even think about it. In fact I can say that after 3 months or so I rarely give it a thought. After a year - almost never. But the time between now and then is the hard part. Probably why addiction centers focus so much on 90 days.

What worked best for me before was to just say "not an option" or "eff off!" anytime the AV would speak to me. The craving would disappear almost immediately. If I had a particularly bad one like if I were in a foreign country or special place, and craving a drink, I would substitute something else - a flavored San Pellegrino or tonic water on ice, for example. My something special just had no alcohol in it. But that probably won't work if you're after the buzz..

Some people are able to "play the tape forward" in other words if they drank how was it going to go? Badly of course. And the memory of that is enough to stop the urge. Others just learn to embrace the urges as just that, something you can feel but not one you need to act on.

In any case I think support and involvement is critical in the first 90 days - where you get that is up to you. AA, SR, etc.

Dee74

welcome back - and congrats on those sober hours slayingthedragon

D

Steely

Welcome back Slayingthedragon.

A lot of us here have 'lost', monumentally. Relationships, jobs, houses, our coat, our shirt.

Ninety six hours is great. First steps.

What I've found is that sobriety has allowed me to slowly regain MYSELF, and with that the rest follows.

Hope to see you keep posting.

slayingthedrago

good morning all- early here in the states. I am up to 144 hours from my last drink. the ER gave me a script for 5 Valium to help with sleep and they were gone by yesterday. Last night stared at the ceiling for hours- finally got out of bed to take a tub at 1:30 a.m only to discover that I had no water in the house. The well has burnt out or has gone dry. (I just realized the irony of my well going dry, like me...ha!) Back to bed and finally nodded off around 3. Wide awake now at 7. I know how important sleep is to someones mental health and I hope I'm not a basket case today. In any event, I am happy to be sober and not hungover. While I'm feeling rather crappy with low energy levels and a slight headache, it beats the alternative.

advbike

Way to go slayingthe dragon! Funny metaphor about the well.. are you getting enough exercise? I find it essential for sleep.

Optimist4ever57

Nice job on 96 hours, Slayingthedragon!

I believe in the power of prayer. My 13 days sober is the result of prayer. Daily prayer has kept me sober, as well as connectiing with others here. Keep praying - He hears you.

slayingthedrago

Advbike- I am getting zero exercise! lol. I know that it will be important to get a routine going but I am pushing it into the "future" for now. I used to run 5k's, do tough mudders, hike, etc- but have gotten away from regular exercise for the past few years. I wholeheartedly agree with someone's (Bimini?) credo....."the cure for anything is salt water:sweat, tears or the sea." As I live in New England, the sea is out - I am doing plenty of sweating (at night) and the tears form about a dozen times a day currently. I am hoping to start sweating properly (via exercise) once I get thru this rough patch and the holidays.

slayingthedrago

Yes! it is BiminiBlue! right here in this thread for crying out loud. love that saying, thank you again for commenting on this thread BB : )

Mizz

My first 2 days of getting sober were spent in bed with nerves that I thought I was going to die from, sweats and sleep on and off.

The next 3 days were spent trying to function at work and keep my head level.

It took about a week or a little more to calm the hell down. I knew that I needed to get back to running the pavement as it is medicine for this overly active brain of mine.

My running and weights routine was there waiting for when I resurfaced.

All in time, ya know?

You are doing so well.

slayingthedrago

thank you for that Mizz P! I am following your exact timeline....first two days were hell, past few days I could function but very shaky. Thankfully, I'm off of work until January 4th. I have a dusty elliptical in the basement that is winking at me every time I go downstairs (or try and determine why I have no water in the house). I MIGHT, just give it a whirl in the next week or so if sleep is still eluding me. Advbike planted the exercise seed in my brain and while I don't want to bite off more than I can chew right now, I am at least giving it some thought. thank you all...this means so much to me to be conversing like this with people who "get" me and what I am feeling. (ok, gdamn it, tears again....lol)

Mizz

We so get you!
Keep on keeping on.