Friday = 96 hours
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Day 24- First and only flare up from my AV. Watching the news yesterday I thought about having a drink for the first time in 3 weeks. It lasted about 5 seconds but it was extremely disconcerting.
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Can't blame you - it was a dark day. I was glued to the TV, missed my bike ride.
These things will happen and our first instinct is to use the remedy that we habitually turned to in the past for relief of our emotional state. Fortunately, you processed the thought, realized what a mistake that would be and moved past it. Great job!
You're getting stronger!
These things will happen and our first instinct is to use the remedy that we habitually turned to in the past for relief of our emotional state. Fortunately, you processed the thought, realized what a mistake that would be and moved past it. Great job!
You're getting stronger!
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You are right Advbike- "our first instinct is to use the remedy that we habitually turned to in the past for relief of our emotional state".
That is spot on and beautifully articulated. thank you. If I have been doing that for 20/30 years. I realize I have my work cut out for me to learn new way(s) to deal with stressors. Had a work situation yesterday where I was in the doghouse for a few hours and I felt naked without a glass in my hand to deal with it and forget it. How would I have felt like this morning if I had done just that? Worse. Without a doubt worse.
That is spot on and beautifully articulated. thank you. If I have been doing that for 20/30 years. I realize I have my work cut out for me to learn new way(s) to deal with stressors. Had a work situation yesterday where I was in the doghouse for a few hours and I felt naked without a glass in my hand to deal with it and forget it. How would I have felt like this morning if I had done just that? Worse. Without a doubt worse.
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Originally Posted by slayingthedrago 
You are right Advbike- "our first instinct is to use the remedy that we habitually turned to in the past for relief of our emotional state".
That is spot on and beautifully articulated. thank you. If I have been doing that for 20/30 years. I realize I have my work cut out for me to learn new way(s) to deal with stressors. Had a work situation yesterday where I was in the doghouse for a few hours and I felt naked without a glass in my hand to deal with it and forget it. How would I have felt like this morning if I had done just that? Worse. Without a doubt worse.
That is spot on and beautifully articulated. thank you. If I have been doing that for 20/30 years. I realize I have my work cut out for me to learn new way(s) to deal with stressors. Had a work situation yesterday where I was in the doghouse for a few hours and I felt naked without a glass in my hand to deal with it and forget it. How would I have felt like this morning if I had done just that? Worse. Without a doubt worse.
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thanks Mizz- happy weekend to you as well. Yes, was a well learned "stimulus-response" reaction to stressors. Didn't last long but was a warning flag that I need to pay attention to. New habits take time to learn, the reach for a drink habit was ingrained for 30 years. Maybe I'll find a new habit....reach for cup of tea for example. ha. Me, a tea drinker--funny. (I actually have been enjoying it for the past few weeks). Day 26- 1 month looming on the horizon. I'm not feeling the pink cloud or the early sobriety euphoria any more. I rather enjoyed it while I had it. We enjoy anything that makes us high right?
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Its not a surprise you had that response. I too have had them. Some urges have been quick to leave and some have lasted hours. identifying the triggers is really what we are doing right now. Creating new habits, like you said, is the key. Even those new healthy habits feel very foreign at times. I have so many different boxes of tea on my counter, haha! The tea aisle is fascinating and way less expensive than our former "habit."
Pink clouds. They are so heavenly. Riding along and feeling the wind at your back! I tend to think of the morning and how I will feel now that I am no longer riding on the pink cloud. There are some things that I LOVE to do and those things cannot be done with alcohol in my system.
You're at the one month mark here! CONGRATULATIONS! There is no going back now, Slayin. You have made it this far and lets see how two months will treat you. One day at at time though
I am sure your family is noticing a difference in you. I am sure you are noticing a difference in you. Way to make yourself a priority and give yourself the gift of health! BRAVO!
Pink clouds. They are so heavenly. Riding along and feeling the wind at your back! I tend to think of the morning and how I will feel now that I am no longer riding on the pink cloud. There are some things that I LOVE to do and those things cannot be done with alcohol in my system.
You're at the one month mark here! CONGRATULATIONS! There is no going back now, Slayin. You have made it this far and lets see how two months will treat you. One day at at time though
I am sure your family is noticing a difference in you. I am sure you are noticing a difference in you. Way to make yourself a priority and give yourself the gift of health! BRAVO!Member
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"You're at the one month mark here! CONGRATULATIONS! There is no going back now, Slayin. You have made it this far and lets see how two months will treat you. One day at at time though I am sure your family is noticing a difference in you. I am sure you are noticing a difference in you. Way to make yourself a priority and give yourself the gift of health! BRAVO!"
thank you Mizz- there is indeed no going back now. Towards the end of the drinking, I was miserable. The only 20 minutes of "peace" in the whole day was the making of the first drink at 4:30. (I used to joke that I wanted to get a 30 minute head start on everyone else). That so called peace lasted for 20-30 minutes and then the next drink and then being buzzed the rest of the night and often not remembering the events of the night. What show I watched, what conversations I had. It seems no one in the house knew how inebriated I was but I didn't remember any conversations. I wouldn't go back to that for anything. Problems and stressors are actually easier to deal with sober. They aren't fun, don't get me wrong, but one can drink to forget but the problem doesn't go away. It's only temporary.
I am sure your family is noticing a difference in you. I am sure you are noticing a difference in you. Way to make yourself a priority and give yourself the gift of health! BRAVO!"thank you Mizz- there is indeed no going back now. Towards the end of the drinking, I was miserable. The only 20 minutes of "peace" in the whole day was the making of the first drink at 4:30. (I used to joke that I wanted to get a 30 minute head start on everyone else). That so called peace lasted for 20-30 minutes and then the next drink and then being buzzed the rest of the night and often not remembering the events of the night. What show I watched, what conversations I had. It seems no one in the house knew how inebriated I was but I didn't remember any conversations. I wouldn't go back to that for anything. Problems and stressors are actually easier to deal with sober. They aren't fun, don't get me wrong, but one can drink to forget but the problem doesn't go away. It's only temporary.
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and "yes", my kids are noticing a difference and so I am. We are having real connections and conversations. They know what I am going thru and have talked about it frankly. I'm glad it's out in the open. I'm viewing it as a positive. We all struggle at times no matter our age, we all can fall into dangerous cycles and sometimes you need to ask for help in life. There is no shame in any of those things.
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I do think there is a line crossed with alcohol abuse and there is no going back. I also would look forward to when I was off work and could then relax into a bottle of wine. I think about that now. A bottle? An entire bottle and then some? The "then some" was creeping in quickly. There were warning signs I can look back to now but I was so caught up. Even when actively drinking I knew something was terribly terribly wrong.
This truth with your family is really good. Being able to talk about it and having IRL support is essential for our recovery. There is no shame in asking for help and we all need it at times. No man is an Island.
Our culture really promotes alcohol use. All the commercials, the ads at the stores, the bars etc etc. "24 pack of Beer for $24.99" Its astounding how much promotion alcohol gets. Then when a person is showing that they are having issues with it and an addiction has set in there is a judgement hanging over that person. I'm not saying that promotion is a problem but I am not saying that it isn't a problem either. I think the messages are really blurry and they are confusing. For those of us who have "genes" geared towards alcohol abuse it can become a nightmare real quick.
Its like when all the doctors were paid to prescribe opiates to millions of people. There were even commercials with paid "doctors" telling people Vicodin and other opiates were not addictive. So, people took them and after awhile they were physically and mentally addicted. There was now an opioid epidemic.
I just think there is more to the equation than you and I being an alcoholic and unable to control our drinking......
This world is an interesting place. I am not one to place blame on people or things. I have an issue. It is mine to own. I cant help but to think of all the messages though. ....
Sorry, I hijacked your thread. What do you think about all of it?
(can you tell I am having coffee and in an early morning "think deep" session?)
This truth with your family is really good. Being able to talk about it and having IRL support is essential for our recovery. There is no shame in asking for help and we all need it at times. No man is an Island.
Our culture really promotes alcohol use. All the commercials, the ads at the stores, the bars etc etc. "24 pack of Beer for $24.99" Its astounding how much promotion alcohol gets. Then when a person is showing that they are having issues with it and an addiction has set in there is a judgement hanging over that person. I'm not saying that promotion is a problem but I am not saying that it isn't a problem either. I think the messages are really blurry and they are confusing. For those of us who have "genes" geared towards alcohol abuse it can become a nightmare real quick.
Its like when all the doctors were paid to prescribe opiates to millions of people. There were even commercials with paid "doctors" telling people Vicodin and other opiates were not addictive. So, people took them and after awhile they were physically and mentally addicted. There was now an opioid epidemic.
I just think there is more to the equation than you and I being an alcoholic and unable to control our drinking......
This world is an interesting place. I am not one to place blame on people or things. I have an issue. It is mine to own. I cant help but to think of all the messages though. ....
Sorry, I hijacked your thread. What do you think about all of it?
(can you tell I am having coffee and in an early morning "think deep" session?)
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"I do think there is a line crossed with alcohol abuse and there is no going back. I also would look forward to when I was off work and could then relax into a bottle of wine. I think about that now. A bottle? An entire bottle and then some? The "then some" was creeping in quickly. There were warning signs I can look back to now but I was so caught up. Even when actively drinking I knew something was terribly terribly wrong."
I agree Mizz with the "line crossed". It all of a sudden,4 weeks ago today, become ridiculously clear that I can no longer drink. For months, i too, knew I had a major problem but I just kicked the can down the road to deal with another day. The day came. The incredibly difficult withdrawals only reinforced it. I sent an email to myself outlining everything that happened those 3 days and I sometimes force myself to read it, as difficult as it is.
"Our culture really promotes alcohol use. All the commercials, the ads at the stores, the bars etc etc. "24 pack of Beer for $24.99" Its astounding how much promotion alcohol gets. Then when a person is showing that they are having issues with it and an addiction has set in there is a judgement hanging over that person. I'm not saying that promotion is a problem but I am not saying that it isn't a problem either. I think the messages are really blurry and they are confusing. For those of us who have "genes" geared towards alcohol abuse it can become a nightmare real quick."
I agree- newly sober, it is astounding to me how saturated pop culture is with alcohol. My last serious sobriety attempt, it infuriated me and I really got up on my high horse about it. I'm feeling less so this time around. I don't feel I have the right to be outraged by the "norms". I am much more humble and keeping my head down and work on "me" this time. I think the pandemic has made drinking at home "cool and funny" and I'm sure there are lots of folks drinking far more than usual and far more often than they usually do. I have several drinking buddies, who seem to not want to take things to the point I always wanted to take it. I envied them for that trait. They didn't want to get "out of control" but I felt liberated and powerful being out of control. Not healthy emotionally or physically to state the obvious.
"Its like when all the doctors were paid to prescribe opiates to millions of people. There were even commercials with paid "doctors" telling people Vicodin and other opiates were not addictive. So, people took them and after awhile they were physically and mentally addicted. There was now an opioid epidemic."
It's funny, I have a family doctor, who I've had for 20 years now. She has been with me thru thick and thin, has been talking to me about alcohol for years, got me into a detox 8 years ago and genuinely cares about my well-being. I am lucky. BUT, she is extremely quick to want to prescribe medications to me. anti-depressants, cholesterol, etc. I'm not a fan of medications and I know you aren't either. Maybe doctors just can't understand what it's like for others who struggle or they get slightly brainwashed by big Pharma? Not sure what the answers are.
You most definitely did not hijack my thread Mizz. I welcome any and all commentary and replies. From you and Advbike and anyone else who is reading and would like to chime in. I'm not sure where this thread is even headed tbh. I am using it for my accountability and to keep me here at SR.
I agree Mizz with the "line crossed". It all of a sudden,4 weeks ago today, become ridiculously clear that I can no longer drink. For months, i too, knew I had a major problem but I just kicked the can down the road to deal with another day. The day came. The incredibly difficult withdrawals only reinforced it. I sent an email to myself outlining everything that happened those 3 days and I sometimes force myself to read it, as difficult as it is.
"Our culture really promotes alcohol use. All the commercials, the ads at the stores, the bars etc etc. "24 pack of Beer for $24.99" Its astounding how much promotion alcohol gets. Then when a person is showing that they are having issues with it and an addiction has set in there is a judgement hanging over that person. I'm not saying that promotion is a problem but I am not saying that it isn't a problem either. I think the messages are really blurry and they are confusing. For those of us who have "genes" geared towards alcohol abuse it can become a nightmare real quick."
I agree- newly sober, it is astounding to me how saturated pop culture is with alcohol. My last serious sobriety attempt, it infuriated me and I really got up on my high horse about it. I'm feeling less so this time around. I don't feel I have the right to be outraged by the "norms". I am much more humble and keeping my head down and work on "me" this time. I think the pandemic has made drinking at home "cool and funny" and I'm sure there are lots of folks drinking far more than usual and far more often than they usually do. I have several drinking buddies, who seem to not want to take things to the point I always wanted to take it. I envied them for that trait. They didn't want to get "out of control" but I felt liberated and powerful being out of control. Not healthy emotionally or physically to state the obvious.
"Its like when all the doctors were paid to prescribe opiates to millions of people. There were even commercials with paid "doctors" telling people Vicodin and other opiates were not addictive. So, people took them and after awhile they were physically and mentally addicted. There was now an opioid epidemic."
It's funny, I have a family doctor, who I've had for 20 years now. She has been with me thru thick and thin, has been talking to me about alcohol for years, got me into a detox 8 years ago and genuinely cares about my well-being. I am lucky. BUT, she is extremely quick to want to prescribe medications to me. anti-depressants, cholesterol, etc. I'm not a fan of medications and I know you aren't either. Maybe doctors just can't understand what it's like for others who struggle or they get slightly brainwashed by big Pharma? Not sure what the answers are.
You most definitely did not hijack my thread Mizz. I welcome any and all commentary and replies. From you and Advbike and anyone else who is reading and would like to chime in. I'm not sure where this thread is even headed tbh. I am using it for my accountability and to keep me here at SR.
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This pandemic has alcohol sales through the roof. Also, hand sanitizers and rubbing alcohol and toilet paper! Not sure what people were thinking with the toilet paper hoarding?
You sound healthy and aware, Slayin! Is it one month now? GOOOOO YOU!!!!!
You sound healthy and aware, Slayin! Is it one month now? GOOOOO YOU!!!!!
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Good Morning Slaying! What a difference 4 weeks and a hard, focused effort makes! You are doing such an excellent job. I love reading of your progress every day.
This thread of yours could serve as a benchmark for successful early recovery. You were broken and went through some godawful pain at the beginning, yet you remained determined and hung in there. As you got better physically, your sleep and mental state began to improve. Then you began to have some serious insights and gratitude, and at each step of your journey you recorded it for your own positive reinforcement, and shared your struggles and progress with us. You accepted feedback and incorporated it into your regimen. All of this reflects a positive, focused and determined attitude.
You are already seeing the results of this effort. Your relationships, especially with your family, have improved and you have become much more physically and emotionally healthy in numerous ways. My friend you have done an amazing job here, and changed your life. I have a huge amount of respect for the way you have addressed your addiction and moved forward on all fronts.
Keep doing what you're doing Slaying!
This thread of yours could serve as a benchmark for successful early recovery. You were broken and went through some godawful pain at the beginning, yet you remained determined and hung in there. As you got better physically, your sleep and mental state began to improve. Then you began to have some serious insights and gratitude, and at each step of your journey you recorded it for your own positive reinforcement, and shared your struggles and progress with us. You accepted feedback and incorporated it into your regimen. All of this reflects a positive, focused and determined attitude.
You are already seeing the results of this effort. Your relationships, especially with your family, have improved and you have become much more physically and emotionally healthy in numerous ways. My friend you have done an amazing job here, and changed your life. I have a huge amount of respect for the way you have addressed your addiction and moved forward on all fronts.
Keep doing what you're doing Slaying!
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PS - I want to add that I feel the same about meds - they are a last resort for me. A few years ago my new pcp jumped into a little iPad presentation about how a statin drug would help me to reduce my already low chances of death from heart attack to a slightly lower risk. I was shocked. All he wanted to do was peddle meds. I told him I'd been on the mountain bike the day before and that, along with diet, would be my approach to my slightly high cholesterol. I never went back to see him, and based on my labwork from Sept my numbers are all perfect now due to cooking for myself at home for the past 9 months during this pandemic. The real problem was too much dining out.
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Hello Optimist! thanks for checking in. Advbike, thank you for your kind words- much appreciated. The switch got flipped a month ago and I decided to throw myself in 100%. I only had my life to lose... : )
I have saved $250 in 4 weeks. (I had expensive taste in gin). Not enough for a vacation or new golf driver but there is a smirk of satisfaction on my face upon realizing this.
I mentioned in an earlier post that my doctor talked me into a detox in 2012. This has been an 8 year journey to sobriety with a few wrong turns along the way. Sober for 6 months in 2014/2015. Sober for 3 months in 2016. (both instigated by embarrassing
episodes). 4 years of thinking I had it under control but secretly knowing I didn't. And, here I am now. I don't think I would be where I am today without the past 8 years of trying and failing and learning about this disease. Actually, I KNOW I wouldn't be sober today in 2021 without those experiences. The concept of moderation makes me laugh now. Not a chance. Zero alcohol can touch these lips and I'm ok with that and at tremendous peace with that. Someone here at SR wrote about how we "reward" ourselves by having a drink in life. Reward?! That is a reward? It's akin to putting your hand into a fire celebrating a well-made bonfire.
I have saved $250 in 4 weeks. (I had expensive taste in gin). Not enough for a vacation or new golf driver but there is a smirk of satisfaction on my face upon realizing this.
I mentioned in an earlier post that my doctor talked me into a detox in 2012. This has been an 8 year journey to sobriety with a few wrong turns along the way. Sober for 6 months in 2014/2015. Sober for 3 months in 2016. (both instigated by embarrassing
episodes). 4 years of thinking I had it under control but secretly knowing I didn't. And, here I am now. I don't think I would be where I am today without the past 8 years of trying and failing and learning about this disease. Actually, I KNOW I wouldn't be sober today in 2021 without those experiences. The concept of moderation makes me laugh now. Not a chance. Zero alcohol can touch these lips and I'm ok with that and at tremendous peace with that. Someone here at SR wrote about how we "reward" ourselves by having a drink in life. Reward?! That is a reward? It's akin to putting your hand into a fire celebrating a well-made bonfire.
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Advbike- I hear you on the meds and statin's etc. Any time I've ever abstained, my numbers all became normal and healthy. It truly is what we put in our mouths. I'm looking forward to seeing my bloodwork numbers at my next physical. Triglycerides, cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar. All have been problematic but of course I was "different" and would just say "eff it- when it's my time to go, it's my time to go". Alcoholic mindset is so destructive....so self-delusional.
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Originally Posted by slayingthedrago
I have saved $250 in 4 weeks. (I had expensive taste in gin). Not enough for a vacation or new golf driver but there is a smirk of satisfaction on my face upon realizing this.
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Day 30! quick post today- on the road for work nice and early....
thank you lifewithart! appreciate the tip and the support. I would not be here without my friends on SR.
Optimist- I like the way you are thinking. : ) Maybe I'll set that as my year end goal. I should find an app that totals $ saved from not buying booze.
have a great day everyone
thank you lifewithart! appreciate the tip and the support. I would not be here without my friends on SR.
Optimist- I like the way you are thinking. : ) Maybe I'll set that as my year end goal. I should find an app that totals $ saved from not buying booze.
have a great day everyone
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