Pureself

I wonder if anyone can relate....

I'm finding times where focusing on sobriety is actually quite triggering, it's kind of like thinking about not drinking ends up making me think about drinking! I find my best state of mind is when I just forget about the whole thing and live but I am also aware that this leaves me vulnerable to a spontaneous relapse.

I suppose I need to strike a balance, or maybe I'm just one of those people who needs to "just quit" and not engage in active recovery beyond just living a good life.

I'm sure there are people who achieve life time sobriety without programmes etc?

day 30

C0ntr0ls

I didn't use an “official” program but I did and do use SR every time I want to get to the inter-webs because SR is my homepage. I have to go through it to get where I'm wanting to go.

I thought about the drinking early on and it still will occasionally pop into my noddle but it isn't a constant nagging thing these days and I'm thankful for that.


Also, life has changed so must in a positive way since I quit.

Be123

I think the balance lies in the difference between 'thinking about drinking' and building my life around sobriety.

Sobriety is what my life has been built around because everything else important to me relies on that. And this means I put things into my life so I am NOT thinking about drinking, especially at certain 'trigger' times. I used to start drinking between 3-5pm so I still make sure infill that time up with exercise, cooking or watching crap on TV.

Even those people who do 90 meetings in 90 days have 22 hours a day to do other stuff!

I think this is why a plan is so important, so you just follow it without thinking. Thinking always got me in trouble! So when I felt cravings I ate, didn't think about it. The craving left and so I could go about my business

Also, don't underestimate the power of habit. Us alcoholics would be foolish to overlook that 😂

well done on 30 days, after 60 days my experience is the days look after themselves as long as you keep doing the work 👍👍

GerandTwine

All that is possible and accurately describes many recoveries. Recovery can end with permanent abstinence and “the rest of life”. Al you have to remember is you never drink.

AAPJ

Folks like us do not do balance well. That's why we are here. Yet you do have a point. Balance is a reasonable even desirable goal. It's a question of time. I think it varies based on the individual but for most folks my guess is that 30 days is not long enough to expect the balance you seek. Most of us find that at least in the beginning we need to focus on/learn recovery. Time takes time.

Buttery

This is probably one of my reasons for never being onboard with AA... I can see how it would help others though.

I found sitting in a meeting for over an hour, going for coffee or anything as well too much at times. Days that had been good turned into bad ones and even relapses post meeting as my mind went to drinking and hearing all the negatives would not be enough to tune it out.

I still think about it all the time but not in the same way anymore. I remember for a split second the relief I would get from alcohol then all the detox memories and how much pain i caused and flood in and scare the life out of me. The fact that I still think about it is enough to tell me that even though I have recovered I may always be in a vulnerable place with alcohol and can never let my guard down.

Dee74

For years I obsessed about drinking - then for a little while I obsessed about not drinking...then eventually I came to obsess about neither

With all due respect to others here, I don't think its an AA or a particular method thing because I've never been to AA or subscribed to any particular method.

I'd be surprised if you weren't majorly thinking about either drinking or recovery still at 30 days pureself - I certainly was - its a great milestone and congrats on it - but it is still pretty early days compared to the years we drank.

No pun intended but active alcoholics and addicts are not generally known for a sense of balance.

They're not often known to be naturally brilliant at moderation either - with everything in my life, I tended to go all in....but in recovery, once we stop poisoning ourselves, we can grow or learn these things,

Things can do & will get better

D

DriGuy

Not thinking at all about drinking was not something I taught myself to do. It just happened naturally over time after I quit. It was a surprising part of recovery to stop and realize that I had gone 4 days (or eventually 4 weeks) without thinking about alcohol. But when those events happened, they did not trigger me to drink. But I can still relate to what you are saying. If I tell you not to picture a dog barking for the next five minutes, you will certainly picture a dog barking.

My guess is that at 30 days, you are still fighting the urge to drink. I'm out on a limb here, but I'm going to guess that your thoughts don't trigger your urge, but rather your urge triggers the thoughts. At any rate, where you eventually want to be is to go for long periods without obsessing over drinking, and if you can consciously make that happen right now, you might try cultivating it. We often talk about distracting ourselves from our cravings early on. Going for long periods without thinking about it is the goal of distraction. If you can bypass distraction and go directly to the goal, you're a big leap ahead.

Eventually, you will be able to talk about drinking or not drinking for hours on end, kind of like many of us forum members do, and never feel the urge to drink. And that's a sweet spot to find yourself in; Being free to have thoughts without having to act on them is emotionally healthy and a step forward for many of us.

Sober45

I can relate. I have almost a year sober with SR as my main support. My whole life has revolved around staying sober. For me there’s a big difference between focusing on “not drinking” vs “living sober”. Obsessing over not drinking=sense of loss/negative. Obsessing over living sober=constructive, building energy/positive.

don’t even get me started on balance, it’s one of my biggest struggles. However, with all this sober time I’ve made major strides with it.

FreeOwl

I can relate.

It can become weighty at times... the notion that recovery is constant. Constant effort, focus, work, attention.

So - I do think balance is important. At the same time, I've had occasions in my sober life where my use of the term 'balance' was a sneaky way to not pay attention to the things I need to keep doing.

One recent case-in-point has been my journey over the past year from stepping away from daily reminders of recovery like coming here, feeling less motivated to use recovery tools, spending little time really thinking about recovery.... just living my life and it sort of started with rationale like "balance"..... and led to my choosing to smoke some weed.... which led to more of that.... which led to more..... which led to pretty much daily.

So, for me.... balance really does seem to be a potentially slippery slope.

With addiction, alcoholism, ADHD, depression..... I think what I've learned is that 'balance' is definitely good and OK, but it can't come as an excuse to set down my tools or let down my guard on the importance of recovery in my day-to-day.

Congrats on 30 days, that's a huge milestone.... keep at it! In my personal experience.... Day 30 was pretty early for me to consider 'balance'. I was at that point hitting daily meetings, daily SR posting and reading, daily work at it...... using the tools. It sometimes felt like a grind, but I'm glad for it.

Anna

That would be me.

I felt exactly like you. I didn't want recovery on my mind all day every day, but I knew I needed to make significant changes in my life. I did a lot of soul-searching and found what works for me. I read some great books on spirituality and highlighted sections which I read over and over and over again. I began to walk long-distances every day which helped to heal me mentally, spiritually and physically. I removed some people from my life and gradually got involved in hobbies I had neglected for years. You can find a balance, and I think it's really important to do so.

anxiousrock

I'm finding it impossible to balance.
I plan my days, and follow the plan and keep busy to avoid drinking. Even with AA.
but then, I burn out, go crazy and drink.
I haven't been able to find a happy medium, because if I give myself too much free time, I also drink.

advbike

I have nothing to add really, except to suggest you carefully read those brilliant and well crafted posts. Such smart people here!

My experience is you will eventually get to a place where you don't think about it much, or even at all, sometimes for months at a time. You will have a great life, with all the normal ups and downs, without needing to drink. However I also discovered that I have to remain vigilant for those occasional thoughts that pop up from time to time out of the blue, often during good times. A little whisper, that can seduce us and catch us off guard, especially after a long period of sobriety. It happened to me. So it is best not to forget how bad things can get.

advbike

Sorry to hear that anxiousrock. In early sobriety it can be really difficult. It is a mental game for many of us, not so much physical craving.

May I ask why you drink? What is the thought that causes you to buy alcohol?

stickyone

I have 8 years no alcohol without AA or NA. Nothing wrong with those programs they help millions achieve sobriety. I too had very bad experience in AA before, I take responsibility on my part I was judgmental of certain people. I understood we all do things in our addiction but to sexual abuse children and use your addiction as a excuse. Does not sit well with me. And for NA it was a bunch of sober guys just highlighting there drug story. So I can understand how it can trigger you. I still read and take what works for me. In the future I will attend meetings. I have grown so much since those bad experience. Have a great day.
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anxiousrock

usually stress and anxiety.

Aellyce

Congrats on 30! I think there is a lot of grey area between not doing any recovery work (for me personally it never worked, just kept me in the same state and hiding for another >5 years) and overdoing it. I'm definitely engaging in a lot of recovery-related activities now and am enjoying it for the most part, but sometimes it's good to take a break and do other things even just for fun. Read other things than recovery literature. Talk about other things even with recovery friends. I personally like to attend many meetings now but also find that it's better not to do it every single day. Not only because it gets overwhelming and perhaps monotonous, more importantly because I can become desensitized to methods that are otherwise very helpful, much like how we develop tolerance to alcohol. So if I can suggest something, it would be try not to see recovery approaches as black & white. It is only the drinking/using that is best kept binary like that, given that your goal is sobriety. But I agree with finding a reasonable and helpful balance wholeheartedly. That is an essential part of the recovery method and general philosophy I have chosen at this time: creating a good balance in every area of my life, except in things that are harmful such as drinking.

Speaking of some recovery-related things that can be triggering though... I think that is real. Some people find hearing about relapses a lot triggering, for example. For me not so much, but I do find some people and attitudes triggering (even if it's not their fault, just something I associate with them for whatever reason), so better not to engage with those unless really necessary.

It's your recovery, do what helps you the most!

Steely

I used to think about drinking, and think about not drinking a lot, and it took up a lot of headspace that's for sure.

I think this is normal for anyone in the early days of recovery. Why wouldn't it be? It has consumed years of our (my) lives. The purpose of alcohol was to keep me 'alive', allow me to cope, forget. That's a lot to dwell on in the early days. Congrats on 30!

Now, though always vigilant, (meaning), I am fully conscious of the destruction alcohol will wreak upon me, I find myself no longer obsessing about it. I am a sober person, trying to build and grow my life, in gratitude at last.

You will find this place too. Just keep remaining vigilant, conscious of what alcohol will do to you, and it will begin to flow naturally.

How cool's that?

Dee74

I couldn't work on balance much when I was still giving into drinking.
I had to do everything I could to take drinking off the table as a viable option, even in those 'burn out' moments.

I used my supports daily whether I wanted to or not - but those burn out moments were when I used my support network the most.

D

advbike

Ok, thanks. I get that. I don't have much stress now but I thought about it and remembered when I had a huge amount in my last corporate management position, and drank just to unwind. Two beers on the drive home from San Francisco every night after work. In the car. Traffic was slow but it was still stupid of course. That was the point when I really started to work on quitting my drinking. And I had to leave that job as part of it.

So I guess the question would be is there a way to reduce the stress in your life. Or the anxiety. I can tell you for sure it does diminish over time if you can stay sober.