Suzieq17

What is the rule about making big life changes in early sobriety?

A lot of emotions surfaced today, not drinking over it. Never been in a happy marriage—not abusive, just loveless—drinking masked problems, and now sober I see how unhealthy it is and how I would be happier alone. Kids involved, businesses involved, etc.

But, I’m not sure now is the best time to make huge life changes. My main focus right now is my sobriety and keeping it. Just curious about what is rule of thumb on change in sobriety....

Any advice or words of encouragement appreciated.

Bubovski

Drinking masked a lot of my problems;it simply does not work and only exacerbates them....
As for a rule of thumb, I think hou have to look really hard at your current situation.
Keeping sober will certainly hold you in good stead.
That said; sometimes, it was other externals that caused our drink problems.......

doggonecarl

I don't know if it's a rule, but no big changes the first year. The idea is focus on your recovery.

Early recovery is a roller coaster of emotions. One might argue the 1 year rule, but definitely don't make life changing decisions in the early weeks of sobriety.

advbike

Generally it is recommended to wait one year before making large changes, things involving relationships, moving, big financial decisions, etc. but of course there are exceptions. For example, if your relationship *were* abusive it would be better to get out sooner. And sometimes clear opportunities present, like if someone were unemployed, then got sober and within a few months found a job out of state. For them, it would probably be well worth considering a move. I would suggest that when your feelings are ambivalent it is probably best to wait since you're still weighing it up and emotions are at play.

I found that regular daily drinking, even if not heavy, had a way of masking situations that weren't really healthy for me. It relieves the stress of the daily grind, but also that discomfort that may be coming from our subconscious - telling us something isn't right. In fact sobriety will allow some of that discomfort to build up and open our eyes to our true situation, it removes the blinders so to speak. Just give it time and don't make rash decisions.

Mizz

Make whatever change you need that supports you in a positive way.

Buttery

Many say you shouldn’t make big life decisions for the first year of recovery.
I made my biggest life choices in my first year and it was what motivated my sobriety and so many good things were coming out of it. I regret none of them.
it turned out I was unhappy and needed the changes to happen, but it really is on an individual basis and what works for you.
i had spent a long time not making the big decisions because I hadn’t achieved long term sobriety and was going in circles trying to achieve the same things over and over and relapsing over and over.
some said my choices were risky but they were all what are considered “normal” parts of life that I wanted. It has been over a year now for me and I have a life that I thought was for other people and I didn’t deserve. It’s not perfect but it’s a happy stable one. I had family members being slightly concerned as they kept saying that I was still in recovery but my reply to that is if you see recovery as the early days or just being a bit wobbly still I could be in recovery forever. At some point you have to move on and draw a line otherwise nothing will ever change. I don’t personally like the idea that it takes 1 year to become stable enough... I have had professional help in the past and at no point did they ever suggest that there is a 1 year mark.

I believe what ever you feel you need make sure you have a support system in case it doesn’t work out. Support you to you will look different for everyone ie emotional, financial, physical... don’t let anyone tell you what recovery is meant to look like and how to do it as we are individuals.

Aellyce

Yeah many people recommend the one year thing, but I definitely would not see it as a rule. For example, if there is something else destructive going on in your life, or something that just does not serve you well and contributes to being stuck, it may not be such a bad idea to at least consider changing it. I'm no expert on long-term sobriety as far as first-hand experience goes, but just finally made the last bit of a long decision process to quit a job that does not provide me opportunities for the professional growth I desire at this point of my life, and I'm not so interested in it either. It was very far from an impulsive, sudden "sober decision" though, I've been working on this career shift at least for two years now. It was my longest job at the same institution ever, >10 years, but at least in the last ~five I mostly just used it as a lazy security blanket and avoided truly working on creating the life I wanted. Just submitted my letter of resignation last week and have felt so relieved since, not a single ambivalent feeling or doubt. Ironically, I now also feel much more motivated to wrap up my duties properly, which wasn't the case earlier. We shall see how everything works out in the longer run.

I think it definitely depends on many individual factors. For me, I don't personally think I need to freshly discover who I am and what I value in life now sober, I have always been very introspective and interested in self-improvement, and the drinking was mainly the culprit that held back everything that remained stuck. I don't feel overly confident or complacent, just ready to finally pursue my goals full time. I will probably also move into a new home next spring or summer, that's also something I have desired for a while. It's not in every area though, for example I have zero interest in dating and starting a romantic relationship now and doubt that will change anytime very soon. So maybe some changes can be good, but definitely not everything all at once?

Dee74

some changes are necessary - I left a lot of drinking buds behind. I also had to move house 6 months into my recovery.

Other people need to leave abusive relationships or toxic environments.

Change is hard tho and can be stressful - and historically stress has meant drinking for most of us.
That's the rationale behind no big changes suggestion.

Its also true I was a million different people my first 90 days, which is another reason to urge caution.
It took a little time for the real me to reveal himself.

D

Anna

I made big changes and it worked well for me. I moved to a location where English was not the main language and I didn't know anyone, due to my husband's job. I couldn't work since language was an issue, so I began volunteering and the experience literally changed my life. When I began working again, I was lucky enough to be able to work part-time which really helped my stress levels. Do what feels right to you.

SoberInCLE

I quit my job and moved from Ohio to Oregon in my first 8 months. I had wanted to quit for a long time before I had quit drinking and the idea of waiting a year really sucked. I was too messed up mentally for the first six months, after that I had high stress levels but functioned pretty well. One thing I'd say is that your might get more out of this relationship now that you are sober. Congratulations on your sobriety - as long as you keep that the other stuff will sort itself out.