new/old member
 

My story is sadly familiar, but it is where I'm at, and I need to share. I need to be honest.
So I was here a few years ago, got my act together, fell down, got back up, fell down, got back up. Then COVID hit last March and we were literally just told to go home from work (been online ever since). It was so bizarre and disrupting. A few weeks later my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I was scared about COVID. Terrified for my son, 12 at the time, and his future. I knew what I was doing. I knew my AV had jumped out of the bushes and said, "I'm back!" But I felt like Sh*# and drove to the store. Terrible, I know, and that's the worst part--I knew exactly what was going on and I didn't care. A few nights I even rode my bike to the store at 1:30 am for a few last drinks, as my family slept. Dang it. But I hide it well. The years have taught too many strategies for concealing the fact that I can put away up to two bottles of wine a night. Too many strategies.

Needless to say, here I am again. I feel like I've adapted to the COVID lifestyle, and my son is learning to manage his blood sugar. I'm doing better. But the booze is back. I know how to dig out. I've done it before. But I want it to stick this time. I'm not young anymore, and I need live out my remaining years clean.

I know, the voices of experience here are going to ask for my plan. Right now, I can't think about next week, month, year. Sleep is the biggest challenge for me in the early days, but if I focus on playing the tape forward, thinking about how I want to feel in the morning, I can get through tonight. And that is my first goal: not to drink tonight. And if I feel like the AV is messing with me, I'll put something between me and the action of walking out the door: take a shower, read, play my guitar, write, and I'll come here if I have to. I should have done these things back in March, but I can't undo that. I can focus on now, however.

Thanks for reading and listening. SR was a huge help in the past, and I look forward to joining this community again.

WY

Welcome back Walter!

I’m not young anymore either but we can start a new chapter at any age.

Post as often and as much as you need to. Support really helps :)

D

Welcome back, Walter and I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking again.

Good luck! You are never too old to start. AA meetings are another great strategy - a lot of people with the exact same problem.

I'm with you my friend. Be strong, and get through the first few days - it will get easier. It is true what you said, when we decide to drink again it seems all the strategies are of no good be cause we don't care at that point. That's the part we have to change. I know because I do the same.

It's so good to have you back, WY. I'm glad you decided to call a halt to it! You can do it - there's no doubt.

So I’m sure you’ve heard of the success people who have the I won’t drink today plan. You’re already on it!

My quits had let me know that at like 3-4 nights, my extreme non sleep nights were over. So I just knew it would suck and get through it. Then a few weeks or a couple months for real sleep. Little graduated goals to look forward to and easier to think about versus forever. Baby steps and the longer I stayed sober the easier longer goals seemed to be.

Glad you are back, take care!

Welcome back Walter! :) I hope the support here can help you get sober for good this time. :hug:

As I continue on my new non drinking life, one of the main things that stands out is my consistency.

I sleep almost exactly the same every night, have solid production at work, am a rock with my family, and my gym time is without weakness (relative).

I lived most of my life all over the map, my mind constantly busy, some days tired, some days drunk, fighting with my girlfriends and now wife.

Those days are over forever. I suffered very hard getting this clean and I will never give it up.

Many so called normies can never understand what I am referring to because, technically imo, they are addicted and deal with all I mentioned above.

We here have a chance to find consistency and it is amazing. I am optimistic it will only get better. I will never drink the poison again.

Booze alters the brain permanently. We will crave for life. It takes years to normalize.

The addiction morphs. It will do anything to get me to slip up.

Suffering and time.

Thanks.

Great post D122y, thanks, that helped me.

Welcome back Walter. Good for you for recognising what your limit is, and right now that is just getting through tonight. I hope after a few days of just getting through the minutes you can start to put together that plan.

Welcome back Walter!

Welcome back Walter. You have some recovery tools. So now its just the action phase. Work it because your worth it :)

Welcome back Walter. I'm not young anymore either, and like you want to live last part of my life in sobriety.

You appear to have a terrific plan in place, and that's the way it works. "Just for today."

I will be 12 months sober in a couple of weeks and want you to know how much better it is than the misery of drinking no matter what life throws at me. My daughter has diabetes as a result of anti psychotic medication and can deal with her illness/s so much better now that I am sober.

Glad to see you back. I had to do same, and so very glad I did.