tornrealization

About 4 days ago for some unknown reason my cat decided to eat some of the gym mat which is foam. She's been puking and eating and pooping we think she'll be ok. But then she's not okay become lethargic, so here we go! I think a piece is stuck in intestines and she will need surgery to get it out. Well with Covid our vet couldn't see our, the local ER didn't have a surgeon or ultrasound machine so we went 1.25 hours away and get into that queue. This is Covid - so it's a 3 hour wait in the car. Yes, she has something stuck but she also has diaphragmic hernia and her organs are in her chest and she's missing a kidney. The quote was $10,000 with risk of the organs being injured and enlarging regardless. So - I'm like can't you just get the blockage out? They said no cause the organs are resting on the lungs in the chest - ugh. So I call around and there are hospitals who aren't equipped, hospitals who are too full. I love LOVE my pets and I'm aware they come with financial costs but the $10,000k without a positive prognosis afterward was awful. I spent all night calling vets and turmoiling what to do and she's getting more lethargic and I can't stand to wait until everyone is painful. We took her in this morning and she's gone now.

We had a kitten accident like 3 years ago and I was blacked out when it happened. I wasn't there when my father in law and husband took her to the ER and she didn't make it. I have felt awful about it ever since. I didn't quit drinking quite yet but it's one of those eats at me moments when I reflect on bad drinking nights.

This time I was stone sober for this. The hurt is unreal. I choice is awful. I just couldn't rationalize keeping her going to get more in pain or go through that traumatic of a surgery with no guarantees to make it. Being sober means I'm not second guessing based off hangover emotions. Instead of drinking and passing out about the situation I spent hours on the phone with vets and hospitals trying to understand all this. I feel confident I did the best I could with the information I was given.

Both these sad kitties stories where rescues from bad situations. I'm starting to think the bad health of them both is the risk you take with a rescue. I am thinking after awhile - I'll do it again. I still have a rescue and she is still healthy and fine. I'm rambling. Thanks for listening.

Anna

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. And, yes, you did the right thing and being sober enabled you to make the best possible choice for your cat. I know how painful it is to make such a decision but it's the final act of love for our dear pets.

Velvetee

I'm so sorry Thoughts.

least

I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved cat. I know the pain you're feeling.

tursiops999

I'm sorry for your loss -- so painful to lose a cat. It sounds like you took good care of her and made good decisions.

aasharon90

I too am a lover of pets and had 2 cats well after I
got sober. They remained with me thru thick and thin
and finally passed on several or so ago.

The emotional attachment and loss of my 2 loveable
cats was really hard on me even with many yrs sober.

There are quite a few of us here in SR that are pet owners
and parents of and to them. So we understand where you
are coming from and feeling.

I never grew up with pets so i was extremely reluctant
for my little family taking on pets, however, with a recovery
program in place and faith, it was placed upon my heart
to accept those 2 little furry pets as part of our family
yrs ago.

Anyway, i am blessed to have been given the opportunity
in my lifetime to raise cats while living my life in sobriety.

It was a gift that I will forever be grateful for.

Sobriety has to be 1st and foremost for me. For without it
I wouldnt be able to have many of lifes amazing gift to enjoy
and appreciate. Esp. pets.

Again, I am truly sorry to hear about your struggles with
your loveable pets. I hope and pray you find peace and sobriety
each day moving forward.

Mizz

I am so sorry for your loss. I really am. Our pets are family.
You did make the best decision possible. You really did. May you have peace knowing you acted with love and compassion.
Hugs to you!

MythOfSisyphus

I'm so sorry about your cat! Our pets really do become part of our family!

tornrealization

Thanks for all the responses, they are helping. The guilt is horrendous and I'm sore and exhausted from two days of crying and drinking snot. I'm not going to lie --- that AV has triggered a TINY TINY bit - maybe I'd get some sleep - but I know I'd just be wailing uncontrollably and that isn't the way to handle things. I don't know how the vets can handle that day in and day out.

I'm lucky and unlucky at the same time I have a job that requires being onsite during Covid. So I am looking forward to the work distractions next week.

Devizes

Dear Torn

It was a horrendous decision to have to make but you made it out of love. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about.

Huge hugs to you xxxx

Dee74

I’m really sorry for your loss TE. Sound to me like you gave this rescue kitty a great life. That’s a great thing

D

Hevyn

Please be kind to yourself, TE. You wouldn't have had this happen for the world - it wasn't your fault. Thinking of you.

Cityboy

It's very hard to loose a pet that you care deeply about, and even worse when you have to make the decision. It sounds like you did the best, most consionable thing you could.

gypsytears

I’m so sorry for your turmoil and loss of your beloved cat. You did the best you could for both of them at different points in your life. The hurt will linger I am sure but try to remember they had a better life with you than if you hadn’t rescued them. Hugs .

Steely

I'm so very sorry torn.

Can't let kitty suffer no matter how much we love her. You did the right and compassionate thing. ❤️

Erica375

Torn, I am so sorry. I know that pain. You did the right thing. Several years ago I had to make that decision and was ready to go for the surgery, but my CVT daughter said, "Mom, don't put him through that." She fosters, has adopted many "unadoptable" animals, and has had to make the decision many times.
I realized I would rather be there, holding him, than potentially (most likely) have him die without me there.
It tore my heart out. It was hard for a long time, but I knew I had to grieve for him sober or I'd never get beyond it.
I still shed tears when I think about him. I know when I cry for him I'm also grieving the others I've lost, humans and furbabies, the ones I wasn't able to grieve for properly because I turned to alcohol to numb the pain.
Please know that I am thinking of you.

tornrealization

Thanks Erica - it certainly helps that your daughter CVT would step in about saying that. I talked to several vets that night and I sensed some of them felt my desperation and none of them could outright say not to do it - I mean even if that was what they wanted to say. I should've known when Dr. asked how old she was and if she was hit by a car and all sorts of odd questions that I ALREADY answered. She mustve been trying to determine risk - I dunno.

Night one done and day one going by. First time I'm sober through the pet loss. I know once I get through it - it's another check on my list of things/events/circumstances I got through sober and to help get through sober next time.

I haven't really reached out and tried to be close friends since being sober - I had distanced myself drinking in my little world. So for better or for worse I've leaned on these boards and my gamer friends. So I still appreciate everyone for responding. I also told my mom. So that showed me that our relationship is better than it was.

So I think after Christmas I'll be looking for another rescue. That was the plan before this happened, to get a 3rd one, but after Xmas is wrapped up.

Boggle10

So sorry to hear about your wee cat, at least you gave it a good life and done your best for it x

silentrun

Sorry about your cat. You did take care of her and got her out of pain.

EndGameNYC

Such a tremendous loss. Every time. I'm so sorry.

I hope that your grieving is of the kind that is filled with patience and kindness.