Writersfix

Hi,

I am just making myself known. A bit about this addiction, I have a family history of addiction and so I was always aware that I might struggle with it. After an abusive relationship, and two complicated pregnancies I found myself relying on wine too often. So much so that I can honestly say that I more than likely didn't go more than three days without drinking any. Alone, scared, and anxious I really thought that drinking helped. I started to notice I would drink it at 10 am some days. Really. I guess I was a functioning alcoholic until I wasn't.
Once I drank a bottle and half on an empty stomach, I threw up and my children came into the bathroom and saw me. It was in that moment that I really started to consider that it was not " mom getting rid of stress" thing anymore. It was a coping mechanism. Anyways, I kept drinking...got involved with a woman, who was also a parent and drank...so that is what we would do. Drink.
I felt ashamed but literally couldn't rely on anything else to give me that free feeling. I ended up driving tipsy...and while I made it safely to my destination, I felt terrible as my kids were in the car.
So no, I didn't chug beers, and I could hardly ever drink more than one and a half bottles but I was a light weight and drank everyday for 3 years. I have not had anything to drink in over 5 months. I got so disappointed with myself, I refused to keep doing it. I wanted to join this group to make friends with people that might know what it is like to not have any release, or other single moms who feel the weight of the world. I am grateful that I stopped, and even though I don't think I had a true addiction ( not as bad as most) I still kind of get disgusted thinking about it, just the fear that I might be that woman again who drinks wine at 10 a.m. keeps me from buying any. However, sometimes I wonder...........what the heck am I supposed to do? I mean......are any vices okay? Is it really necessary to refrain from drinking? Maybe I drank so much because of the difficulty I was facing and not because I am an addict.

Anyways, nice to meet you!

MaximusD

Welcome Writers! I would say without a doubt, from your description, you should be quitting. Have you tried to cut back and failed? If so then definitely. Alcohol is poison anyway even in smaller amounts. I think we will always have vises, especially people like us that seem to overdo stuff. I am trying to get obsessed with fitness. I'd rather be addicted to that, plus it distances me from my drinking days. I hope you hang around and quit that stuff.

quitter62

WELCOME ABOARD!!!! You are in the right place.

Only you can find the answer that you are searching for but most will say that if alcohol caused any trouble or disappointment in your life it is time to give it up.

We all try to 'minimize' our habit, to think that we weren't as bad off as we thought, that a little drink here and there is harmless etc.... It is a coping mechanism. I started my journey almost 4 years ago when I finally just said I am DONE!!!! Of course I had quit a MILLION times in my life and more often than not I was already drinking when the hangover eased up, but that day I meant it! Of course I never really believed I would go through with it but I stuck it out for a while and I started noticing that I felt better, that I really DID NOT need that drink to have fun, that I really could ENJOY life without a beer in my hand. I no longer had to plan my days around having enough beer at home so I wouldn't have to drive drunk to get more. I was no longer TRAPPED at home because I had taken a drink, I was FREE!!! I was FREE 24 hours a day to do whatever I wanted to do and it felt GREAT!!!!! I never really thought I would ever in my life be free from alcohol but this time it STUCK and it is the BEST thing that I have done for MYSELF in my lifetime! Only YOU can really make this life changing decision but let me tell you that it is worth every doubt that have to fight back and every urge that you push away. In the long run it will be the BEST thing you could ever do for yourself, your children, your grandchildren etc...........It's FREE to go for it.

And trust me, I damn near broke down a few times in the beginning and found myself in my truck at the liquor store parking lot, ready to go in and end my 'suffering'. But luckily I pulled out my phone and I came HERE, to SR, and made a POST and someone rushed in every time and gave me support and HOPE and encouragement!!!!!! What do you have to lose???? You can do it, we have ALL BEEN THERE!!!!

Bodhi02

I used to rationalize alcohol by saying it was a coping mechanism for stress/depression /anxiety until I realized that alcohol wasn’t helping those things it was increasing them tenfold.

I too would try to cut back and think I’m good to have 1 glass of wine at dinner. Until 1 glass turned to 2 and then 3 and then the whole bottle. Eventually it was the only thing I thought about and I was drinking first thing in the morning. Throwing it up and then having another glass of wine right after. Because hey there was still wine in the bottle and I couldn’t resist.

I decided alcohol is not for me. It has total control. I’m 15 days sober and I never want to go back. I’ve got a long road ahead of me to deal with my feelings the good and the bad as a responsible adult.

5 months is great! I can’t wait to be there myself. With sobriety we have everything to gain and the only thing we “lose” is alcohol. Aka losing the shame, guilt, added stress.

Hevyn

Welcome to you, Writersfix. This is a great place for understanding and encouragement. You're never alone.

I drank 30 yrs. It started out as just a way to relax & have fun - a way to handle & minimize difficulties. Over the years I went from social drinking to dependency. Each time it was in my system, unplanned & dangerous things happened. I had to stop all together to stay safe & take back control of my life. I'm glad you see the danger signs & have decided to seek support. We're here to help.

Writersfix

Yea, I don't plan on starting back anytime soon. I am proud of my 5 months and hoping to go on to a year! It is hard though when so many people I know do it.

Bodhi02

It’s definitely tough that it’s socially acceptable and so readily available. I’m not completely sure how to navigate through it all.

I’ve found it helpful to stay clear of people where the normal was to drink in excess. I’m scared to lose friendships, but I’m thinking the real friends will stick around.

Writersfix

Right? I am really grateful to be able to talk to you all about this. I was actually googling why my "skin is worse after quitting drinking" and this website popped up. I use to get compliments on my skin all the time and now I have break outs. It is so bizarre.

Writersfix

Thank you. I feel as if it snuck up on me too! Thanks for your kind words.

Dee74

hi Writersfix welcome!

Imagine for a moment that you did not write the post you did and someone asked you to read it. Would you advise them to go back to drinking at some point?

I would not.

I firmly believe noone 'needs' to drink.

I've found a life without alcohol and without addiction is a good one, and a natural and authentic one - I am happy and productive. I am not a monk, and far from a saint, but I am at peace.

it's how I was meant to live

least

Welcome to the family WF. Getting sober was the best thing I ever did for myself.

Read and post all you like. We're glad you joined us.

lucky1s

I drank 14 bottles of wine Thanksgiving weekend 2018. I had just lost a job. I served my husband his plate and went and passed out. I want this year to literally be memorable. Today is day 1 and I have made it through.