How do you go to AA for the first time?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 32
How do you go to AA for the first time?
So I did not stay sober. Some of you know my story, but to sum it up I have been drinking for almost thirty years and to think I could just put the drink down without any 'real life' support was not realistic. My question, how do you walk into a meeting? Is it protocol (etiquette) to call ahead so they know you are coming or can you just show up? Also what about the awkwardness of being a stranger - do you introduce and explain why you are there? I really tried but I don't think this is something I can tackle on my own. I need to reach out to real people now but I don't know how to do this.
Thanks
Thanks
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Just go to a meeting, maybe get there 5-15 minutes early and talk with the other people. Within minutes (seconds even) you will know you are where you belong. If it's too difficult to talk with others, just show up, listen, maybe talk with others after the meeting. Keep attending meetings. Meetings are where you can find a sponsor (even a temporary one) to work with. Get a copy of the big book, or read it at www.silkworth.net.
Glad you are taking the steps necessary to stay stopped!!
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Glad you are taking the steps necessary to stay stopped!!
I wish you well on your sober journey!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi Mitra!
Many AA meetings are online due to COVID. But there is never any need to call ahead, and you don't need to say why you are there. It is customary to introduce yourself by your first name if called for, or for big online meetings you can also introduce yourself in the chat.
I suggest you check your local AA for listings of online meetings. Here is the listing for one group out of thousands, near Seattle (GMT -8h). I will be going to the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting; it usually has about 60 participants. You will need to download "Zoom."
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Many AA meetings are online due to COVID. But there is never any need to call ahead, and you don't need to say why you are there. It is customary to introduce yourself by your first name if called for, or for big online meetings you can also introduce yourself in the chat.
I suggest you check your local AA for listings of online meetings. Here is the listing for one group out of thousands, near Seattle (GMT -8h). I will be going to the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting; it usually has about 60 participants. You will need to download "Zoom."
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Mitra, I hope you got through to someone at AA. I know that my local group can almost always assure a response within a few minutes. I would again like to extend an invitation to the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting, starting soon after I post this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I think you'll find that the people at a meeting, either in person or online, are eager to help the newcomer. 
Call the number and ask if they are having in person meetings, and, if so, where and when they are.
Remember, everyone at the meeting had a 'first' meeting. They understand.
Call the number and ask if they are having in person meetings, and, if so, where and when they are.Remember, everyone at the meeting had a 'first' meeting. They understand.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
My lawyer sent me. I had some somewhat serious charges and the best thing he thought would be to document going to meetings in the few months it would probably take to go before a judge.
Might be a good idea to actually call given the insane times we live in with the covid stuff. I found an app with meetings near me but I don't even think its accurate anymore.
Back when I first went I looked online and walked around a church trying to figure out which building was for AA. I couldn't figure out which door to go in and it was already late. Oh well, I tried, mine as well go have a drink and start this AA stuff some other day. As I head back to my car another guy is walking in late to the meeting. "Hey, are you looking for AA?"
We know, we just know you.
I had nearly 30 years of drinking and druggin by that point. I thought my case would be different. The anxiety, the depression, the way I struggle to fit in. For me things just started to make sense right away. The 12 & 12, the big book. Even with all that legal trouble hanging over my head. I somehow let go and felt so much come off my shoulders.
Just get there!
Might be a good idea to actually call given the insane times we live in with the covid stuff. I found an app with meetings near me but I don't even think its accurate anymore.
Back when I first went I looked online and walked around a church trying to figure out which building was for AA. I couldn't figure out which door to go in and it was already late. Oh well, I tried, mine as well go have a drink and start this AA stuff some other day. As I head back to my car another guy is walking in late to the meeting. "Hey, are you looking for AA?"
We know, we just know you.
I had nearly 30 years of drinking and druggin by that point. I thought my case would be different. The anxiety, the depression, the way I struggle to fit in. For me things just started to make sense right away. The 12 & 12, the big book. Even with all that legal trouble hanging over my head. I somehow let go and felt so much come off my shoulders.
Just get there!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
I’ve been drinking for 30 years as well, and this quit I’ve decided to finally go to meetings. I’ve been going online—via Zoom. It’s been totally worth it. I just listen, and that’s all that is expected of me for right now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Even though I was propelled by sheer desperation, opening the door to go to my first meeting of AA was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life... and this is coming from a guy who at the time would walk into any bar anywhere in the world without a second thought of the reception I might get from the patrons of the establishment.
Walking into an unfamiliar bar, I got more than my share of death stares and comments like "What the f#%K do you want?". Never had that experience at an AA meeting and I have been to meetings in a few different locales and even countries. Sometimes, I didn't even speak the language being used in the meeting, but it never mattered. I have always felt and been received with a feeling of being instantly home. The shares always come through loud and clear, even when I don't understand the words and vice versa. We speak of alcoholism and recovery from!
Walking into an unfamiliar bar, I got more than my share of death stares and comments like "What the f#%K do you want?". Never had that experience at an AA meeting and I have been to meetings in a few different locales and even countries. Sometimes, I didn't even speak the language being used in the meeting, but it never mattered. I have always felt and been received with a feeling of being instantly home. The shares always come through loud and clear, even when I don't understand the words and vice versa. We speak of alcoholism and recovery from!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
Hi Mitra
I showed up at AA with my rear end on fire a few times. I really enjoyed AA when I was going. People were friendly to me and we could relate to each other which is unusual for me. I used to go out to the diner after meetings and had a sponsor a couple of times. I kept leaving to go back and drink for who knows how long and when I came back everyone was still welcoming. I miss those days. I know now that I wasn't ready to get sober at that time. I thought I wanted to at points but I also knew that I still wanted to drink if I'm honest. Not AA's fault I kept on.
Anyway I hope you go! It would be nice to have some in-person meetings just to get out of the house too.
I showed up at AA with my rear end on fire a few times. I really enjoyed AA when I was going. People were friendly to me and we could relate to each other which is unusual for me. I used to go out to the diner after meetings and had a sponsor a couple of times. I kept leaving to go back and drink for who knows how long and when I came back everyone was still welcoming. I miss those days. I know now that I wasn't ready to get sober at that time. I thought I wanted to at points but I also knew that I still wanted to drink if I'm honest. Not AA's fault I kept on.
Anyway I hope you go! It would be nice to have some in-person meetings just to get out of the house too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
How do you walk into a meeting for the first time?
Get there 10-15 minutes early, clear your head of all the negative thoughts and reasons to not actually cross the threshold. One of my primary concerns before my first meeting was that people would think I was an alcoholic. At the time, it didn't occur to me how absurd that was.
Walk through the door, and know that every person in that room remembers the first time they went to a meeting and how weird and intimidating the idea of AA seemed at the time.
Grab a coffee, a cookie, or simply find a seat.
Don't be afraid to tell people that this is your first meeting. We don't eat newbies...
Keep an open mind, listen to what people share. Seek commonalities, things that you can identify with.
If you are so moved, pick up a white chip when offered. If you aren't ready, that's totally OK.
And if by some chance you really don't like the vibe in that particular meeting, find another one that meets as soon as possible - maybe later the same day, tomorrow, or as soon as is practical. Keep going to new meetings until you find one that speaks to you.
In time you will hear people who consistently say things that make you want to have what they do. After the meeting, introduce yourself and ask for their number. Give them yours when they do.
Here's the hard part... call that person. Even if it is only to say you wanted to check in. You don't need to make brilliant conversation - just stay in touch with that person. As you meet more people who have what you want, add their names and numbers to your list.
Finally, consider this: there are lots of people who go to meetings. Some of them are in AA, others simply are at AA. The latter generally don't last, nor does their sobriety. If you truly want your life to change, you will need to work your recovery harder than your addiction does - and addiction takes no holidays.
Good luck! If you can walk through the shame, fear and negative self talk and get to that first meeting, you've gotten past the hardest part. The rest is making a habit of what you learn.
Get there 10-15 minutes early, clear your head of all the negative thoughts and reasons to not actually cross the threshold. One of my primary concerns before my first meeting was that people would think I was an alcoholic. At the time, it didn't occur to me how absurd that was.
Walk through the door, and know that every person in that room remembers the first time they went to a meeting and how weird and intimidating the idea of AA seemed at the time.
Grab a coffee, a cookie, or simply find a seat.
Don't be afraid to tell people that this is your first meeting. We don't eat newbies...
Keep an open mind, listen to what people share. Seek commonalities, things that you can identify with.
If you are so moved, pick up a white chip when offered. If you aren't ready, that's totally OK.
And if by some chance you really don't like the vibe in that particular meeting, find another one that meets as soon as possible - maybe later the same day, tomorrow, or as soon as is practical. Keep going to new meetings until you find one that speaks to you.
In time you will hear people who consistently say things that make you want to have what they do. After the meeting, introduce yourself and ask for their number. Give them yours when they do.
Here's the hard part... call that person. Even if it is only to say you wanted to check in. You don't need to make brilliant conversation - just stay in touch with that person. As you meet more people who have what you want, add their names and numbers to your list.
Finally, consider this: there are lots of people who go to meetings. Some of them are in AA, others simply are at AA. The latter generally don't last, nor does their sobriety. If you truly want your life to change, you will need to work your recovery harder than your addiction does - and addiction takes no holidays.
Good luck! If you can walk through the shame, fear and negative self talk and get to that first meeting, you've gotten past the hardest part. The rest is making a habit of what you learn.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Yeah, I was scared the first time too. I would be surprised if you found it anything but welcoming, especially as a newcomer going the first time. You are going to walk in thinking you're the only person who ever felt that way. You won't be, believe me.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
I just posted this on another thread.
Go to an AA meeting. At the start of the AA meeting when the chair asks if anyone is attending their first AA meeting, raise your hand! The group will take it from there. You will probably leave the meeting feeling really good and kicking yourself for not going to AA before.
Getting the courage to do that was a huge turning point in my recovery.
Go to an AA meeting. At the start of the AA meeting when the chair asks if anyone is attending their first AA meeting, raise your hand! The group will take it from there. You will probably leave the meeting feeling really good and kicking yourself for not going to AA before.
Getting the courage to do that was a huge turning point in my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 320
I didn't go to a meeting for the first couple years and it was a non issue. People are very welcoming but also not prying. You can just sit and listen. You do not have to share. I ended up chairing a Monday meeting for about six months and it was a great way to socialize while I was getting sober.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
My first meeting (and most I've been to) were hard because I have social anxiety. I showed up and just sat down. I think they knew it was my first time, because the speaker asked if anyone was at their first meeting and they did a special meeting incorporating that. They had big books out, but when they knew I was new, they changed to thay smaller blue book.
I hardly remember the whole thing I was so nervous.
But I had to be there. I miss that meeting but I moved so I tried to find a new one in my new city but I haven't found one that compares.
anyway, just go. You absolutely will not regret it!
I hardly remember the whole thing I was so nervous.
But I had to be there. I miss that meeting but I moved so I tried to find a new one in my new city but I haven't found one that compares.
anyway, just go. You absolutely will not regret it!
I believe in miracles :)
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: Europe
Posts: 160
You just go. I found them online, it was via zoom. I just said I was day 7. And listened. I am more of a chit chatter while typing (like here) VS with in front of the people I don't know
You don't have to talk if you don't feel like, they understand how difficult it can be. I barely said 2-3 sentences during the second meeting. I was so tired yesterday that I skipped. However, going to the third one this Saturday. You will not regret it.
You don't have to talk if you don't feel like, they understand how difficult it can be. I barely said 2-3 sentences during the second meeting. I was so tired yesterday that I skipped. However, going to the third one this Saturday. You will not regret it.
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